Yes, but it is much more complicated than that. Anxiety has us feel like we are “out of control.” This is one of its biggest tricks it has to stay in power over us. It is important for us to see how it makes us feel “out of control,” because once it is visible we can do something about it. The following are some nasty things that anxiety says to us:
Anxiety supports false beliefs
- You are weak because you have anxiety.
- Something bad is going to happen.
- You don’t have the skills to feel better.
- You are not going to be able to handle it.
- You will freak out.
- You will be so uncomfortable.
- You can’t do it.
- You will always feel this way.
These are lies of anxiety!
With Anxiety, Lies Become Your Truths
But, if you have a problem with anxiety, these have a truth status in your mind. You believe them. Probably because you believed them for a long, long time. Or, maybe it started after something bad happened to you. Don’t beat yourself, we all feel this way.
The good news is that we can change these beliefs.
- You are not weak because you have anxiety, is it a biological survival reflex. We all have it.
- Bad things sometimes happen, but Anxiety uses this threat evasively. “If you go there something bad will happen.” I always tell people, to ask the Anxiety, “What bad will happen?” and Anxiety never has a more specific answer. That is because it is lying.
- You totally have the skills to feel better, and are probably already using them, but anxiety is undermining them and making them invisible. Notice them, they will be more accessible to you.
- You CAN handle it. You always survive through it and eventually calm again. ASk yourself what it means not to handle it. (I usually imagine myself going off some crazy cliff ne’er to return. This never happens.)
- We freak out all the time to different degrees and we always recover, but we never freak out as bad as the anxiety tells us we will. We have amazing powers to keep in control.
- Thinking that we cannot do something is our biggest obstacle to not doing it. Anxiety knows this, that’s why it uses this dirty trick. You can do so much more than you think if you had to.
- We are not wired for anxiety permanently, we can change this because it is just changing some beliefs.
What false beliefs is Anxiety telling you?
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Anxiety has been controlling my life for as long as i can remember, always saying and repeating the same things:
1- you don’t deserve to be loved however you are trying.
2- You will keep losing the ones you love.
3- don’t let anyone get close and know you because if they do, they will leave.
4- You will die alone and no one will notice
5- You’re not good enough, God is not happy.
6- you keep upsetting, bothering, annoying people around you
7- you’re good at nothing, especially not a good mother and your kids would certainly be better without you.
and a lot more, on a daily basis, but I can now, only since the last 3 or 4 months, stop those thoughts, and tell anxiety to just :shut up!!! But it is still controlling my body. I don’t know how i can stop the physical symptoms it gives
Our body is dense. Not meaning stupid just thick matter, it is the last to heal. You are doing well and there is hope! None of these are true! I am glad you now know in your spiritual, mental and emotional bodies. Now the physical.
I know with you listing those things….they are so much like I feel so often. I read somewhere that we should wake up and start thinking positive thoughts about ourselves. Over and over again repeat good the good thoughts…even if we don’t feel that way, it is a good way to make yourself listen to the positive talking so that the negative thoughts can’t control your mind. It helps me a lot! Thanks for your post.
Carol,
This works most of the time, but in times it doesn’t it is because they are not believed. Affirmations only work if you believe them. So you have to start small. Say something you believe. ‘you might be able to handle this’ then grow it to ‘you can handle this’ as your belief in yourself grows! Great tip!
OMG! You are describing exactly how I feel every single day. I thought I was the only one who has these feelings. I’ve had anxiety for about 5 yrs now and my family doesn’t understand it. They think I’m crazy or at least that’s how I think they feel. When I try to talk to them they don’t listen or understand or even try to understand. I’m on medication and it helps but sometimes all I need is someone to talk to. I so wish I could talk to you since your feeling the same feelings I am.
Cindy, You are not crazy! And you are not alone! Visit my site to reach me: http://www.healnowandforever.net I am so glad my post brought some solace to you!
understanding that you are having a panic attack is half the battle to recovery. I came through mine and have since created my website to help others. http://www.explainingpanicattacks.com
Awesome Jenny! I agree you can get through it! Great message!
I have had anxiety/panic for as long as I can remember. In my 20′s it was bad, and in my 30′s it became unbearable and I was forced to begin daily medication to prevent/control it. I have tried every self help tip out there,and tried every herbal/natural/over the counter product out there. None help at all. Now at age 41 I have not been taking my mediaction for almost 2 months, And I can not ever remember feeling this much anxiety/panic And unfortunately feel I will have to begin them again
Have you tried CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy? This challenges the thoughts that lie behind anxious feelings and subsequent avoidant behaviour and can be very effective. I know this from personal experience.
Thanks Mindy, CBT is among many excellent treatment methods!
HI Patti, Thanks for the comment! There are lots of ways to get over panic. Medicine can be your buoy while you are working to get yourself across the raging river of anxiety. Many other things can be your buoy and help you across. You have done so much research and efforts, I appreciate what you have done for yourself! You might also ask a doctor that you trust if this your body responding to coming off the medicine. You have the tools, from all your years of effort. Just right now you feel like none of them are going to work. It is the trust in yourself that is missing. Try to trust. Thanks so much for the comment!
I’ve had some pretty bad anxiety attacks since I moved out. Usually I feel like/do throw up or dry heave for sometimes up to an hour unless I do what my mind want. They’ve gotten fewer and father between within the last month mostly because I’ve started forcing myself to go to work telling myself we have to do this so I can’t chiken out but the physical symptoms hit me before even my mind gets going.My pinched nerve in my shoulder has become a good indicator cus it acts up when I’m getting stressed. I wish I could stop the instant panic..
Hi Tirihashi,
I am so glad you keep going to work! A routine is very helpful. Some people stop working or take time off and their anxiety gets worse. Unless of course the work context is what is stressing them out. It sounds like it is getting less and less.
Great Article! I used to have panic attacks frequently. After talking to experts and following some simple steps such as relaxing and breathing, I feel like I have more control of my panic attacks.
What a relief, right Jane?
My common and preferable statement to psychiatric patient with anxiety disorder is: everyone has got anxiety difficulties, bat You have got uncontrolable anxiety. This one is in according with Your intellegent suggestion that anxiety is a “biological survival refelx”. Principally matter is if this discern has any relation with daily life circumstances or it is unreasonable explanation. In first occassion the anxiety is of neurotic nature. In second one it is psychotic disorder that should to treat as associate symtom of psychosis. In both instances untreatment anxiety lead to depression as most difficult complication of course to anxiety. Whereas, the appropriete treatment is psychiatric one by last psychiatric recommendations.
Thanks Dr. Ferati, I respectfully disagree about having no control. It seems to be out of control, but isn’t really. We have to be real careful what words we use, because they link to beliefs and beliefs link to making or breaking problems.
Thanks so much for commenting!
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My chronic anxiety did not come about as described in this blog. It was caused by depression. Medicate the depression and the chronic anxiety goes away.
Anxiety can come out of many contexts, including depression, when it expresses a dis pleasure with feeling depressed. Wanting to be other than you are, and a bit of worry that you are unable to be. Once the depression is gone the context is gone! Yay! For you! What a relief! There are more than one way to get rid of depression, medication is one way, I am so glad it worked so well for you! Thank you for sharing!
My 19 year old son has severe depression and anxiety. He refuses counseling, and will only take his medication when he is rock bottom. He has only one friend. One of my biggest problems right now is that in order for me to keep things on an even keel I give in to him constantly. I am starting to see (I think) that his need to control me and his younger brother may stem from his feeling unable to control anything else in his life. I need to break this. I am at a loss. It is scary and painful.
HI Mary,
I have a huge response, which I think will be mostly included in my post on my home blog tomorrow. http://www.healnowandforever.net. I think you are right about him wanting to control you since he feels he has no control in his life, but this is a perception, we have to teach him where he does have control. (Having it over you is not helpful to him, his brother, or you!)
Love,
Jodi
Anxiety dictates to me that I am always going to have someone disappointed in me; no matter if I do things that are best for me or for those I care about. Anxiety dictates how I respond to people; how little I tell them and how much I grow to dislike myself which I project onto them.
Anxiety is what rules that.
The anxiety of me letting others down because to do that makes me a failure and that is the one thing I am the most anxious about.
Carey, You are right about “anxiety dictates”. This is far from the truth. Anxiety is the most insidious liar.
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