My Bipolar Story: The Crack in the Wall - Bipolar Disorder Poem

Written by Marlene Margot

After writing this poem, my way of thinking about Adrey changed. I was finally able to let her go. At last, I felt at peace within myself. I wish her well. I know that she has had a good life and will continue to do so. I look at myself as the vessel that had to bring her into this world. Her parents were unable to have children, but Adrey had obviously chosen them as her parents and the only way for her to get to them would have been through me, or someone like me. This might seem a little strange, but to me it's a logical explanation.

There are still some days when I feel sorry for myself, but then I think of a little speech that my youngest son Myles gave to me. He is a very perceptive young man and he told me that in order to be a 'whole' person, with no hang-ups, I'd have to mend the DAMN WALL. You see, he explained, 'if the railing at the top of the DAMN WALL is broken, you will fix it, because if you don't someone could fall off and drown. If it breaks again then you will fix it again. Then you might notice that the walk way is splitting. You will need to fix that too. Then he said, 'if you are smart, you will send divers down to the bottom of the wall to see exactly what is going on. And you know what Mom? They will come back up and tell you that there is a big CRACK in the dam wall and it needs to be fixed, because if it isn't then it doesn't matter how much work you do on the top, if the base of the wall is cracked everything will just keep breaking.' Then he said to me, 'Mom, you have to fix your 'DAM WALL' because if you don't, one day it might just collapse and it just might kill you.' I thank Myles for his intuitiveness. I thank him for making it all so clear to me. This is why I've written this story.

PART EIGHT

2007 - What a year that turned out to be. I connected with people I never thought I would see again, well not in this life anyway.

Bruce, my daughter Carmen, my granddaughter Jasmine and I went to visit my father in Philipolis. I had not seen my father for 33 years. We had a very nice visit with him and we still keep in contact with each other.

The second event was that I managed to contact David. The last time that I saw him was also 33 years ago. David and his wife Diane came to visit us. David, naturally, was very interested to find out all about Adrey. I gave him one of the photos of Adrey. I was pleased that he has had a successful life. Diane said that it came as no surprise to her that David and I would see each other again. She said that David had been through a tough time as well concerning Adrey and I. I have to say a very big THANK YOU to both Diane and Bruce for allowing David and I to meet again. Without their support, the meeting could never have taken place. This next poem was dedicated to all the young people of the 1970s' especially the ones that thought they knew it all.

MEMORIES

Life was so sweet in that period of time,
Rodrigues, Pink Floyd letting out a chime.
That was when she met him; I'm telling you it's true.
At first, it was magical, wonderful; they felt it was their due
Holding hands, sitting in the park, riding motor bikes too.
Feeling all excited when he knocked on the door,
She thought her heart would fall through the floor.
Oh! To be fifteen, no cares to be seen,
What a life, it was so happy it would seem.
Then the passion started, that's where the fault did lie,
They never thought ahead, this was no butterfly.
Their love was not enough for what lay ahead.
This was the most unspeakable thing that anyone could do.
It was the 70's after all, when youth was misconstrued.
What happened was really sad, these two had disobeyed.
So torn apart they were, by moms and dads a plenty,
This, they said will never do, they said it none to gently.
The boy was sent away to places unbeknown,
Do not return they said or your life won't be your own.
The girl was harder hi than he,
For she had lots of suffering and traumas, he did not see.
Now you might think this tale is filled with untruths,
But everything is true as truthful as can be.
Today she's a woman of forty-nine and fifty-three is he.
So many years have gone, so many things they've done.
The child they created is alive and well,
They each have great partners, this I think is swell.
After thirty-three years they met again, I know this to be so,
Oh! The wonderment of families makes a happy soul.
She's glad to have met him, and seen how he is now,
The tears that were once shed are replaced with a smile.
She's very glad to have shared this tale with all of you,
And remember when a butterfly lands on your shoulder, she's thinking of you.

There was one last meeting that took place. I managed to contact Adrey. She was sorry for the way that she had treated me before. Since we have been living in Pietermaritzburg, we have had an unlisted telephone no. She said that she had tried to find me but she wasn't successful. I told her about David and she was very keen to meet him. David was also very keen to meet Adrey. We set up a meeting. David and Diane could not believe how like David she was. Adrey has a little girl of her own now and we all met her as well. Unfortunately, that was the last time that I saw Adrey. I don't know if our paths will ever cross again. I still wish that some day she will find a place in her life for me. If it doesn't happen, I will be alright because I know that she has loving parents and a loving husband and child.

Bruce and I recently celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, and in a few days, I will be celebrating my fiftieth birthday. I never thought that I would see these milestones in my life. I realize now that life is not about choosing the easy road; it's about choosing the road that is the most beneficial to you. For me, it's been a road where I learned to be compassionate, kind and considerate to everyone, including myself. If I had not experienced all the good and the bad, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I've had many obstacles in my way and many big mountains to climb, but climb them I did. In fact, I'm still climbing them, but they seem to be a bit easier now. I know I could never have done it all on my own. God knew it too, he knew that I had chosen a very rough road and he knew that I would need help, so he gave me the most wonderful family that any one could wish for. Bruce, Ryan, Carmen, Myles, my mother, sister and a whole host of other people have been my lifeline. They have stood beside me through all the depressive years, the 29 shock treatments, attempted suicides, back operations, you name it, these incredible people have been there and they still are.

Whenever I find myself being a bit righteous or I think that my views on life are the only ones that there are, I humble myself and remember this saying:

'WOULD YOU RATHER BE RIGHT/' OR 'WOULD YOU RATHER BE HAPPY/'

Ed. Note: Marlene is a member of HealthyPlace and shared her story after the HealthyPlace TV show on the Devastation Caused By Untreated Bipolar Disorder.

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