Change Your Attitude! Change 1

Written by Dr. Reid Wilson

Page 1 of 2

Change #1

"I can't let anyone know." to "I am not ashamed."

It's hard to let others know of our problems. First, we can feel embarrassed to admit that we don't have our lives together as well as (we fantasize) they have theirs. Then, if our problems are lasting awhile, we don't want others to get fed up with our complaints. Or, we might explain what's bothering us only to have others say, "I don't get it. I don't know what you mean." Or, worse yet, "What's the big deal?" In addition, people can start giving us advice on how to fix it and expect us to take action soon. Speaking to someone about a problem doesn't mean that we are feeling courageous enough to try to fix it. These possible reactions can be good reasons to keep our problems to ourselves.

There are at least two other reasons to be secretive when the problem is panic attacks. The first is the stigma around mental health problems. Think how easy it is for employees to call in sick because they have the flu, or even a migraine headache. But who's willing to say, "I'm having a bout of depression that's going to keep me out for a couple of days"? You can tell your boss you have to miss that cross-country trip tomorrow because your grandmother died. It takes more strength to admit you are afraid of flying. A mental health problem can be seen as a mark of disgrace.

Second, failure to control panic can heighten our own feelings of shame and low self-esteem. Not being able to travel in the same circles as our peers, or perform tasks that seem so simple to others and were once simple for us -- it's easy to see how that wears down our self-worth. And as our sense of self-worth diminishes, we become even more susceptible to the influence of panic. For instance, if you believe you are not worth much as a human being, then you will be less likely to try to help yourself. If you believe that this panic simply reflects your lack of basic skills necessary to cope with the world, then you will be less likely to face the stressful events of your life.

I think it is best to address all of these fears -- social embarrassment, lack of understanding, stigma -- by first addressing our beliefs about our own worth. This will help us touch our guilt and shame, and any feelings of personal inadequacy. I don't expect to do a complete makeover of your personality in a few pages. However, I do want to instill in you the attitude that you deserve to feel self-respect.

Panic requires that you work on building up your self-worth, self-confidence and self-love, because panic has the powerful ability to wear away at your psychological vulnerabilities, to weaken your resolve. When you feel you have to hide your problem, then every time panic arises, you will begin to tighten up inside. You will try to contain it, not let it spill out, not let it be seen. When you attempt to contain panic, it grows. When you respect yourself, you can begin to make decisions based on what will help you heal, not what will protect you from others' scrutiny. When you make that change, you starve panic by supporting yourself and letting others support you through this tough time.

Look over this list and see whether any of the statements reflect your negative beliefs about yourself: