A chance meeting with the pastors of an Internet church resulted in me being given a book called "The Hallelujah Life" by Richard Propes, an Indianapolis-based children's advocate who has paraplegia and spinal bifida. While there is some triggering material in this book due to descriptions of the sexual abuse he survived and his suicidal episodes, this is a book I can not recommend strongly enough for people with borderline personality disorder (BPD). I learned much from this 117-page book of poetry and short stories, but perhaps the most important lesson was that abuse is confusing.

I have two mental health warning signs that alert me to psychiatric danger. Each one serves to warn me what type of danger I'll be in. Knowing these "early warning signs" is crucial to surviving my Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis.

If there's one thing true about psychiatric hospitals, it's that you have a lot of down time. When I was in the state hospital system, I used this time to play Animal Crossing: Wild World on my Nintendo DS. Believe it or not, the game was a helpful therapy. Animal Crossing: Wild World, or AC: WW for short is a video game in which you live in a rural village with a bunch of anthropomorphic animals. You go around doing tasks for these animals, making money, making friends and other various life adventures. This game taught me three skills: how to read the emotions of other people, how to set boundaries, and how to handle rejection.

In 1841, a Boston schoolteacher named Dorthea L. Dix became interested in many social reforms, especially the treatment of the mentally ill. One Sunday, she went to the House of Correction in East Cambridge to hold a Sunday school class for female inmates. She was revolted by the filth, neglect, and despair of the mentally ill people who were held in the jail. She persuaded local authorities to improve the conditions, and began touring Massachusetts to see what needed to be done. In 1843, she wrote a tract called Memorial to the Legislature of Massachusetts, which called for drastic reforms.

The school shooting in Connecticut is a sign that we are way overdue for some adult conversations about mental illness. While Liza Long has started the conversation in her viral piece "I Am Adam Lanza's Mother," not all people with severe mental illness are violent. But she raises a valid question: Is mental illness the problem?

Dear Mr. President: Congratulations on your recent victory. Now, as you plan the next four years, I'd like to offer a few suggestions on how you can help those of us living with mental illness. Fight for parity in mental health treatment, work to reform the fragmented mental health system, and attack the stigma behind mental illness.

As I write this, I feel a mixture of disappointment, anxiety, betrayal and anger. While I was admitted to the alcoholism treatment center last week for rehab, treatment did not go as planned. Short version: the staff decided my psych symptoms (anxiety and flashbacks) necessitated a trip to the psych ward. They transferred me by ambulance, held on to my medication and property, then decided I no longer met criteria for inpatient admission at their facility after I spent five days on the psych ward. Sometimes treatment providers screw up. We have to know how to face it when that happens.

Facing my addiction to alcohol will involve a great deal of facing my past. Like my borderline personality disorder (BPD), my alcoholism did not develop overnight and a large part of the problem lies in past trauma. Just as my BPD will impact my treatment, so will the root of the problem: my past.

Good news. I heard from the therapist who treated me in college, Dr. Cynthia Wall. I told her I was ambivalent about paying $115 for treatment I wasn't sure I needed. She wrote "I imagine you know what my bias is, but I will say it anyway. No money is wasted on treatment, particularly that related to an addiction. You are worth it!!!" I also found that I can get the money together given a little time. So now that the money issue is dealt with, I have one more hurdle to clear: psychiatric clearance. Basically, how will borderline personality disorder (BPD) impact my treatment?

Last night, I decided I wanted to get sober. Since I've been drinking heavily the past few days and have had DTs in the past, I went to my treatment team's hospital and told them I was afraid to sober up in an outpatient setting. The crisis counselor and I talked for a while, then she told me they didn't have inpatient treatment for alcohol and drugs. She gave me a one-page list of places that offer substance abuse treatment and sent me home. Dual diagnosis treatment, at least in Indiana, is hard to find. And that makes a difficult situation almost impossible.