Binge eating at festivals used to be an issue for me. Festivals have always been a highlight of my year. The joy, laughter, and abundance of food make these times special. However, for many years, the celebration was marred by my struggle with binge eating. Learning to manage binge eating at festivals was not easy, but through personal experience and practical strategies, I have found ways to enjoy festivals without overindulging. Here's how I did it.

Planning to Prevent Binge Eating at the Festival

One of the most effective strategies for coping with binge eating at festivals was planning. Before attending any festival, I would ensure I had a healthy, balanced meal. This typically included protein, fiber, and healthy fats to keep me full and satisfied. It helped me resist the urge to dive into every delicious treat the moment I arrived. Additionally, bringing a healthy snack as a backup saved me from making impulsive food choices when hunger struck.

Practicing Mindful Eating, Not Festival Binge Eating

Mindful eating became a game-changer for me. By paying attention to my hunger and fullness cues, I learned to eat slowly and savor each bite and not binge eat at festivals. This not only made the food more enjoyable but also helped me recognize when I was satisfied, preventing the tendency to overeat. I found that eating mindfully allowed me to appreciate the flavors and textures more deeply, turning each meal into a delightful experience.

Controlling Portions with Smaller Plates to Avoid Festival Binge Eating

Portion control was another crucial aspect of my binge eating recovery journey. I started using smaller plates to help manage the amount of food I consumed. Instead of piling my plate high, I took small portions of my favorite dishes. This approach let me sample a variety of foods without feeling guilty and overly stuffed by binge eating at festivals. Knowing I could always go back for more if necessary made it easier to start with smaller servings.

Staying Hydrated to Curb Binge Eating at Festivals

Staying hydrated played a significant role in my strategy to avoid binge eating at festivals. I discovered that drinking plenty of water throughout the day helped me feel full and reduced the temptation to overeat. Often, I realized that what I thought was hunger was thirst. Keeping a water bottle with me became a constant reminder to stay hydrated and avoid unnecessary snacking.

Avoid Binge Eating at Festivals by Maintaining a Regular Eating Schedule

Skipping meals to save up for a festival feast always backfired on me, leading to uncontrollable hunger and overeating. Instead, I maintained a regular eating schedule; this kept my metabolism steady and prevented extreme hunger. This approach helps me to approach festival meals with a balanced mindset rather than a ravenous appetite.

Focusing on Social Activities

Shifting my focus from food to socializing was another effective tactic to avoid binge eating at festivals. Festivals are about connecting with friends and family, not just eating. I engaged more in conversations, games, and dancing, which helped keep my mind off food, and reduced the likelihood of overeating. Enjoying the company of loved ones became the highlight of the celebration.

Stop Festival Binge Eating By Setting Realistic Goals and Seeking Support

Setting realistic goals was crucial for my mental wellbeing. I accepted that occasionally indulging was okay and didn't strive for perfection. When I did overeat, I forgave myself and refocused on my healthy habits. Seeking support from friends and family also made a significant difference. Talking about my challenges provided emotional relief and practical advice, making the journey easier.

Healthy Snacks Can Prevent Binge Eating at Festivals

I also discovered that healthy snacks can help prevent binge eating at festivals. Watch this for more:

Through these strategies, I found a balance that allowed me to enjoy festivals without the stress of binge eating. It has been a transformative experience, proving that with mindful choices and a supportive environment, it's possible to celebrate fully while taking care of oneself.

When I started seeing a psychiatrist, he said I would get back to life before bipolar disorder (well, I was diagnosed with just depression at the time). He focused on it a lot. He wanted to know how I was doing compared to what I was like "before." But there are so many problems with that thinking. I'm not sure you can ever get back to life before bipolar disorder.

What Is Life Before Bipolar Disorder?

I barely have a notion of life before bipolar disorder. While it wasn't recognized at the time, I started manifesting signs of mental illness as a child and then started having major depressions in my teens. Many people do have years of life before mental illness, but I don't.

That being said, I experienced a prolonged period of euthymia when I was 18 that I think of as life before bipolar disorder. It's life before psychiatrists. It's life before medication. I will never get back there, obviously, as psychiatrists and medication are always going to be a part of my life, but if I could get back to feeling the way I did, then that would be the definition of success.

Is It Possible to Get Back to Life Before Bipolar Disorder?

The thing is, I don't think it's possible to get back to life before bipolar disorder. I think it's ridiculous of doctors to say you can, and I think it's ridiculous to compare your life now to what it was before bipolar disorder. Once you become a pickle, you will never be a cucumber again.

Why Do Doctors Say You Can Get Back to Life Before Bipolar?

I think doctors tell you that you will get back to life before bipolar disorder because they think it will motivate you to go through treatment. Treatment can be awful, but if you think it'll get you your life back, you'll do it. The thing is, while it can get you a life back, I don't think it can get you your pre-bipolar life back. Doctors who say differently are being disingenuous or are wildly inexperienced.

What Can You Get Back If Not Life Before Bipolar Disorder?

I'm not a great example of successful bipolar disorder treatment. I'm so far away from normal (mentally healthy) that the light from normality doesn't even reach where I live. That said, there is a lot to be said for not being dead. And make no mistake about it, when I started treatment, that's where I was headed. I've headed that way and have had that outcome averted by treatment many times since. I suppose if you avoid death, everything else is just a bonus.

But there are other things that treatment gives you, too. Treatment offers you a chance at happiness. Treatment offers you a chance to build healthy relationships and the opportunity to find fulfillment. Without treatment, bipolar disorder would override all of those things.

I think most people never get back to their life before bipolar disorder because there are too many ways bipolar disorder invades your life. It changes your thoughts. It changes your priorities. It changes the you that you were bound to be before the illness. But honestly, that's okay. Life changes everyone. It just so happens that a life with bipolar disorder is drastically changed.

So, I would say that comparing your life to a life before bipolar disorder is pointless. The better thing is to compare your life to the life you want to have ― given your particular situation. With bipolar disorder, you will never be an astronaut, but there are still a million other things to be. Life after bipolar disorder is, without a doubt, different than before it, but it is absolutely still worth having.

Maintaining friendships is no easy task, and it's all the more difficult when you have a mental illness. I should know; I struggle with double depression and generalized anxiety disorder, and many of my friends have mental illnesses like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). That said, it is possible to sustain friendships even when you live with a mental illness. Here's how my friends and I do it. 

Tips to Maintain Friendships When You Have a Mental Illness

1. Talk About Your Mental Health Issues

This tip is the hardest to implement but is essential for maintaining friendships when you have a mental illness. Whenever you feel the time is right, discuss your mental health journey with your friends. Let them know about your issues and how they affect your life. Doing so will help them to be patient and understanding when you behave differently due to your mental health condition. For example, when depression hits me, I tend to stop texting my friends and make no plans to hang out. When I explained this to my best friend a few years ago, she learned to stop taking my absence personally. Thanks to this knowledge, she now checks in on me when I've been silent for too long instead of assuming I am disinterested in being her friend. 

2. Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are a must in any relationship, and they are particularly crucial when maintaining friendships with a mental illness. Be clear with your friends about what you can and cannot do. While planning to meet with a friend after a long time, I state that I would probably be anxious about seeing them. As a result, I cannot handle crowded and noisy places; they will only worsen my anxiety. My boundaries help them understand my needs, and together, we pick a low-key venue to keep me at ease. 

3. Stay Connected Digitally

When in-person meetings feel overwhelming -- and they often do for me -- stay in touch digitally. Just like me, one of my friends struggles with depression frequently, so we barely hang out in person. However, she makes it a point to share memes and music occasionally, and so do I. This way, our friendship is alive even though we spend little one-on-one time.  

So there you go -- you now know my tried-and-tested tips to maintain friendships when you have a mental illness. Give them a shot and see what works for you. Remember: you will inevitably lose some "friends" when you open up about your mental health issues. Don't let this stop you because, at the end of this process, only true friends will be a part of your life. After all, fake friends are the first to flee when the going gets tough.

In recent years, the practice of intermittent fasting has become a mainstream wellness trend—but while it might prove beneficial for some, intermittent fasting is not an option for my eating disorder recovery. I have been thinking about this lately because intermittent fasting sounds harmless at face value. It's a dietary plan that focuses on when rather than what to eat, which seems reasonable. But I am also self-aware enough to know that even well-intentioned parameters or structures around eating can turn into full-blown restriction. So, intermittent fasting in eating disorder recovery is not for me.

A Quick Summary of Intermittent Fasting in Eating Disorder Recovery

I will not dive into the specifics of intermittent fasting, as it can be a difficult topic for those in eating disorder recovery. But, to offer some basic context, Johns Hopkins University defines the practice as eating within a daily 6-8-hour time frame, then fasting over the next 16-18 hours. This may make it easier and more efficient for the body to convert food into energy.¹

As clinical research shows, intermittent fasting might enhance metabolic function, improve brain health, and lower the risk of chronic or neurodegenerative illness, all of which can help increase longevity.²  But this research has also found a connection between eating disorder behaviors and frequent cycles of intermittent fasting—and that gives me serious pause. 

Why Intermittent Fasting Is Not an Option for My Eating Disorder Recovery

In 2022, a team of psychologists asked more than 2,700 volunteers about their relationship with intermittent fasting. Around 38 percent of men, 47 percent of women, and 52 percent of transgender or nonbinary folks reported intermittently fasting over a 12-month period. Many also exhibited common eating disorder risk factors such as perfectionism, low self-esteem, or body image dissatisfaction.³ For this reason precisely, intermittent fasting cannot be an option in my eating disorder recovery. While some choose to fast in moderation for wellness benefits or religious observances, I would use this practice as a justification to micro-manage my caloric intake. 

Because I am prone to unsafe extremes—specifically in terms of fitness and nutrition habits—the sheer concept of moderation is a challenge for me. An occasional intermittent fast would not remain "occasional" for long. Eventually, intermittent fasting would lure me into an eating disorder relapse. Sometimes, I wish this reality was different, but I also know better than to open the door to restrictive temptations. So, if intermittent fasting is not an option in my eating disorder recovery, then I must honor my own healing process and intuitively do what works for me: Eat when I feel hungry, then stop once I am full.

See Also

• Intermittent Fasting in Eating Disorder Recovery
• Wellness Culture Endorses 4 Eating Disorder Behaviors

Sources

1. Intermittent Fasting: What is it, and how does it work? (2023, September 29). Johns Hopkins Medicine. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/intermittent-fasting-what-is-it-and-how-does-it-work
2. James, D. L., Hawley, N. A., Mohr, A. E., Hermer, J., Ofori, E., Yu, F., & Sears, D. D. (2024). Impact of intermittent fasting and/or caloric Restriction on Aging-Related Outcomes in Adults: A scoping review of randomized controlled trials. Nutrients, 16(2), 316. https://doi.org/10.3390/nu16020316
3. Ganson, K. T., Cuccolo, K., Hallward, L., & Nagata, J. M. (2022). Intermittent fasting: Describing engagement and associations with eating disorder behaviors and psychopathology among Canadian adolescents and young adults. Eating Behaviors, 47, 101681. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eatbeh.2022.101681

Do you work to unfreeze because of anxiety? When we experience a stressful situation, we experience a stress response, also known as the fight-flight-or-freeze response. How we respond depends on several factors, but I've found that I often freeze in stressful situations. Because of this, I've had to learn ways to unfreeze during anxiety to help me move forward.

Why I Need to Unfreeze Because of Anxiety

When I am anxious and freeze, I notice that it is related to me feeling overwhelmed. I feel like I am in a situation that I simply cannot handle. Unfortunately, as I've learned with my anxiety, I often feel that way in unexpected, stressful situations. So, I react with immediate panic. Or, if it is related to life circumstances, I find myself reacting with inaction.

I find that I feel immobilized, as though I cannot move. I feel helpless and powerless, as though I don't have control over the situation I am in. I feel like I can't make a decision, let alone process the situation. Physically, I feel like I just can't seem to move. If, at the moment, freezing is related to my life circumstances, instead of taking action, I find myself completely shutting down and avoiding anything having to do with real life. I need to unfreeze when I'm that anxious.

Steps I Take to Unfreeze When I'm Anxious

When I need to unfreeze because of anxiety, I know it's important to bring myself back to reality without allowing myself to dissociate. The problem is, I've been accustomed to numbing and detaching from real life for quite some time. So, this is honestly an area that I find myself continuing to work on despite all that I have learned over the years about how to manage my anxiety. 

The first step that is always important is self-awareness. I have to be aware of what triggers this response. The more self-aware I am, the more effective I can be at intervening before my body is fully in a freeze state that is more difficult to pull out of.

Deep breathing is the next step that I take, which helps to calm my nervous system and also helps me feel grounded. Additionally, paying attention to what each of my senses is taking in helps to ground me in my environment and brings me back to the present instead of feeling numb and detached. It helps me unfreeze in the face of anxiety.

Lastly, I force myself to move. Movement helps me to get unstuck. Sometimes, even the smallest movement helps, but what I will usually do is force myself to walk into another room. Not only does this help me unfreeze during anxiety, but it also grounds me and helps me to feel more in control, which lessens my anxiety.

Take a look at the video below as I talk about what I do to unfreeze.

Do you freeze in response to anxiety? What do you do to help you get unstuck? Share your suggestions in the comments below.

I've used art to manage my mental illness. Art and tapping into creativity is an excellent source of self-therapy. When I was in intensive therapy during a difficult point of my life, I was introduced to art as therapy. I was skeptical at first, but the idea that art could help manage my mental illness and be soothing and stress-relieving opened a new door for me in my recovery.

Diving Into Art to Manage Mental Illness

During that difficult time, my love for creation blossomed. Previously, I had been shy about my art, feeling I was never "original" or "good" enough. But that is not the point of creation; the point was that I found a hobby that aligned with my emotional needs.

Collage creation became one of my preferred methods of art to manage mental illness. I strolled thrift stores, picking up old photography magazines and poetry books. I would tear out pieces and paste them on a canvas until it made a quilt of emotion. 

One of the pieces I loved the most had two separate canvases. One was dark and sad, and it reflected how I felt during a depressive episode. The other was floral and bright, and it reflected how I wanted to feel, how there was good in the world. (I liked the bright version so much, I now have a tattoo of one of the pasted poetry lines to remind myself that beauty exists.)

Art to Manage Mental Illness and Difficult Emotions

I loved those pieces because it felt like I could say, "Look! This is how I feel!" without having to actually find the words. Describing a dark place was like trying to describe the color black. When I've felt trapped or low, creating pieces that reflected those complex feelings helped me communicate to others what was happening in my mind. 

My emotions were more easily communicated, but also, after I started sharing my art to manage mental illness, some others found it relatable. There was an immense amount of comfort and pride when I created something that made others say, "I've felt that too."

Using Art as a Distraction to Manage Mental Illness

Not only was art to manage mental illness an outlet and source of communication for my frustration and sadness, but it also became a helpful distraction. I would spend hours painting, drawing, and pasting. It kept my mind busy, which made it difficult to dwell on any anxious thoughts. 

It was meditative. I forgot to "think," and I was able to just exist. The art didn't even need to be "good-looking." Half of the time, it wasn't, but there was still a sense of accomplishment and pride after finishing a piece.

It would be easy to think I would be mentally tired after spending hours trying to paint grass the perfect shade of green, but I would feel refreshed. It's the same feeling I get after a meditation session.

Types of Therapeutic Art to Manage Mental Illness

My journey led me to paint, pencil, and paste, but there are many routes to expressing oneself. Many find solace in playing and writing music, dancing, sewing, and much more.

There is also comfort in enjoying art created by others, especially if the message is relatable. I have whole playlists dedicated to specific feelings for exactly that reason. It's a relief to hear an artist explain emotions similar to mine, and I find comfort in knowing I'm not alone in my experience.

Art to manage mental illness has been an incredibly therapeutic outlet for me. From self-expression and communication to distraction and meditation, art can help someone navigating their mental illness recovery journey feel a little more grounded, understood, and fulfilled.

Taking intentional pauses in my life has been transformative for my self-esteem. For a long time, I struggled with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Life seemed like a relentless race, and I was perpetually out of breath, unable to keep up with its demands. It wasn't until I started taking intentional pauses that I began to see a change in my self-esteem and overall mental health. 

Intentional Pauses Can Be Productive for Self-Esteem

Initially, the idea of pausing felt counterproductive. In a world that glorifies constant productivity, stopping to rest or reflect seemed like a luxury that I could not afford. However, I realized that these intentional breaks were essential for my wellbeing. During these intentional pauses, I took the time to engage in activities that nurtured my soul and spirit. Whether it was a quiet walk in nature, a few minutes of meditation, or simply sitting in silence, these moments allowed me to reconnect with myself. 

In these moments of intentional pause, I started to reflect on my achievements and the qualities that make me unique. This practice was crucial for my self-esteem. Instead of focusing on what I lacked or what I had not accomplished, I began to appreciate my strengths and the small victories I achieved each day. This shift in perspective helped me to build a more positive self-image.

Moreover, taking intentional pauses provided me with the clarity to identify and challenge negative self-talk. When I was constantly on the go, it was easy to let self-critical thoughts spiral out of control. By taking a step back, I gained the mental space to question these thoughts and replace them with affirmations of self-worth. This practice significantly bolstered my self-esteem, as I learned to treat myself with the kindness and respect that I deserved. 

Intentional Pauses Help Ground Us in Reality 

Another benefit of these pauses was the opportunity to set realistic goals and expectations. Previously, I often felt overwhelmed by the pressure to meet unrealistic standards, which took a toll on my self-esteem. However, during my intentional breaks, I was able to reassess my goals and align them with my true capabilities and desires. This not only made my objectives more attainable but also enhanced my sense of accomplishment and self-worth. 

Furthermore, these intentional pauses allowed me to connect with my support system. Whether it was reaching out to a friend or attending a healing circle, these moments of connection reinforced the idea that I am not alone in my journey. Sharing my experiences and receiving encouragement from others played a pivotal role in improving my self-esteem. It reminded me that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness. 

Why I Love Intentional Pauses

In conclusion, taking intentional pauses has been a vital strategy in improving my self-esteem. These breaks have given me the space to reflect, challenge negative thoughts, set realistic goals, and connect with others. By incorporating these pauses into my routine, I have learned to appreciate myself more and approach life with greater confidence and self-assurance.

If you are struggling with your self-esteem, I encourage you to take intentional pauses in your life. These moments of rest and reflection can be the key to unlocking a more positive and empowered version of yourself. 

Ghosting can affect a person's depression. And while people with mental illnesses like bipolar disorder are known to sometimes ghost others, we, ourselves, get ghosted too. So, what happens to a person's depression when they're ghosted?

A Past Ghosting and My Depression

I have had ghostings in the past. The worst was when a person I considered to be a very close, even best, friend dropped me without a word. This person I loved for years simply stopped responding to my emails and phone calls. We hadn't fought, and there was no conflict. They just ghosted me. It was awful. 

That ghosting worsened my depression. For years, in fact, it brought about great pain. I still can't think of that person without feeling terrible. 

The ghosting's effects on my depression and overall mental health included:

• Increasing my depression
• Creating sorrow and despair
• Lowering my self-esteem (as I felt I had done something to deserve it)
• Creating paranoia that it would happen again
• Causing negative ruminations about myself and the situation

Depression After Being Ghosted

While I do not doubt that ghosting can hurt anyone, it absolutely hurts more when you're already dealing with something devastating like depression. Depression throws you into a pit. It's a pit you have to try to dig yourself out of. And when someone ghosts you when you're depressed, they just make the pit deeper. I don't know why anyone would want to do that to someone they cared about. It is, literally, beyond me.

Dealing with Depression After Ghosting

I could tell you just to ignore the ghosting because it's about the other person, not you. And while there is truth to that, I'm not sure how helpful it is. I think when you're depressed and ghosted, you need a bit more. 

Here are a few other things I try to remember:

• Depression gets worse when bad things happen. This is normal. While it's painful, it's a part of the illness.
• My self-worth is not dictated by others. Yes, rejection is horrible, but self-worth is born into a person and can't be taken away by the actions of others.
• One person's actions do not indicate what others will do. Yes, it's possible someone else important to me will ghost me in the future, but I can't live my life and have productive relationships focused on that possibility.
• Ruminations are a part of depression. In my experience, depressive ruminations will always find something on which to focus. Even if they choose to focus on my ghosting, I will get through them.

If Ghosting Is Worsening Your Depression

While I find the above points helpful to remember, they may not sufficiently quell your depression after a ghosting. Sometimes, talking with a friend or support group about your feelings can be helpful, but you may also need to reach out to a professional for further help. Dealing with the complex feelings that can arise after a ghosting may not be easy. Therapists tend to be acquainted with the issues around interpersonal rejection and ghosting. They can help you process your feelings. There is no shame in saying you need their help.

If your depression becomes severe, you may also need to talk to your psychiatrist, as a medication change may be needed. It's awful that someone else's thoughtless actions could result in a medical issue for you, but depression is awful. Don't hesitate to talk to your doctor about what's happening.

I think when you're ghosted by someone you truly care about, your depression will worsen. I feel like there's no avoiding it. That said, you can deal with it and move forward in a positive direction.

Coping with cognitive distortions can be a challenge. In the intricate landscape of our brains, thoughts can often be like tangled balls of yarn, distorting reality and discoloring our perception of the world around us. For those of us coping with depression, these cognitive distortions can become particularly prominent, taking the tangled yarn and weaving a complex tapestry of negativity and despair. It becomes imperative to untwist our thinking and return to a more logical and realistic mindset. In the past year, through training peers about cognitive distortions and mental health wellness, I have come up with a couple of strategies to assist with coping with cognitive distortions. 

Cognitive distortions, or what I'm calling twisted thinking, are like optical illusions of the mind. They are deceptive patterns that lead us astray from seeing things as they really are. Jumping to conclusions, magnifying the importance of adverse events, and minimizing the positive in myself or a situation are typical distortions that I have that can lead down a dark highway of depression. It is as if my mind wears dark-colored glasses, casting a shadow over even the brightest moments. 

Coping with Cognitive Distortions: Step One

First, I have found that the most critical aspect of coping with cognitive distortions so that I do not become depressed is to identify and question the negative thoughts. By identifying and questioning my negative thought processes, I can straighten the once-tangled yarn's knots, thus reclaiming my cognitive processes and proceeding forward, making logical decisions or reacting to a situation more logically. 

An Example of Coping with Cognitive Distortions

For example, if you have read some of my other posts, you have probably noticed that finances are a tremendous and common trigger for my depression. My coping strategies are also often challenged by a decline in financial stability. Therefore, many of my cognitive distortions consist of or are precipitated by a modification to money coming in or a large unexpected bill that suddenly appears. It has not been easy, but I have implemented a coping skill that does assist in breaking the cycle of my finances triggering a depressive episode. 

Most of the time, I have become self-aware enough to realize that my mood is starting to feel slightly off. When this transpires, or a change in my finances occurs, I consciously stop what I am doing or thinking and take a deep breath. I then directly ask myself, "What is actually going on?" In other words, I challenge myself to determine the truth -- not what I assume will happen, what conclusion I have jumped to before looking at the facts, or what I think after discounting the positives. I make myself determine what the outcome could be based on facts, not on what I feel or what has happened in the past. As a result, I can usually cope with my cognitive distortions and proceed forward. Granted, it is not 100 percent effective for all situations, but it has cut the amount of my triggered depressive episodes considerably. 

It's Important to Cope with Cognitive Distortions

Understanding and recognizing our cognitive distortions is critical in our recovery journey. As we navigate the intricate landscape of our minds, we must be self-aware enough to recognize the signs when we begin to journey down a dark path. Part of self-awareness is recognizing our thinking processes and how to confront them with courage and grace. It is not easy to untwist our thinking and cope with our personal cognitive distortions. Ultimately, I have only described one way I cope with my distortions. There are several ways to do so. We each have to find what best works for us. 

I would love to hear from you and some of the ways you cope with your cognitive distortions. 

When you have a history of trauma, dealing with betrayal can feel devastating. We all face betrayals of sorts throughout our lives. Unfortunately, hurt people hurt people. Some parents exploit their children; some spouses have affairs; some friends backstab their childhood besties, etc. Betrayal is all around us. We betray others in small ways; they betray us just the same. Sometimes, it's unintentional. Other times, it's purposeful. Nevertheless, it happens. But add a history of trauma to betrayal, and it's even more detrimental.

The Correlation Between Trauma and Betrayal

Dealing with betrayal after trauma can be especially difficult. In my experience, it's already difficult for me to feel loved, valued, and respected. I grew up feeling like my body was not my own — like I owed it to others. I felt like my body was all I had to offer, really. My appearance was a golden ticket to love. And so, any time someone came into my life and truly valued me for who I was in my entirety — my thoughts, my energy, my passions, my personality — I lived and breathed by their validation. I finally felt like I could be seen fully as myself — and be loved for it.

But when that same person betrayed me, whether by lying to me, disrespecting me, or manipulating me, I felt re-traumatized. The wound that person initially helped heal was now deeper. It was bleeding again, and I was left to nurse it alone.

Noticing a pattern of betrayal after my own trauma made me question myself and everyone around me. Not only that, but I also felt as though I unintentionally attracted more betrayals. Perhaps it's because I, myself, didn't feel worthy of love. In turn, I searched for it in the wrong people. I ignored red flags and gave my power away, all in the same of "love."

Dealing with Betrayal After Trauma

Now, this isn't a "woe is me" narrative. Today, I'm careful not to wallow in victimhood. Have I been a victim? Yes, I have been. We all have been, in some way. But remaining one and continuing to label yourself one only keeps you small and vulnerable. 

Instead, what I've learned to do is change the script. I remind myself that another person's actions do not reflect my worth. If someone chooses to betray you, they can live with that reality for the rest of their lives. You, on the other hand, get to walk away knowing it wasn't your fault. You get to choose a brighter future with more kindness, love, and self-compassion.

I've learned to reflect on my past and consider how I can better protect myself while also accepting that we can never truly predict how someone will treat us. Sometimes, we have to trust that either way, we are strong enough to endure the outcome. 

Betrayal might feel heavier when you have a history of trauma. However, it can actually heal on a deeper level than you expected. It can help you search for the love and validation within yourself so you can meet others more authentically and form more genuine connections. 

No matter what, betrayal plagues us all. But you get to choose to move forward and try again. Try until you get it right — and believe that you will.