Parenting in gambling addiction recovery is not easy. The weight of gambling addiction isn't just on us, the ones battling it; it bleeds into the lives of loved ones, especially our children. That's why it's important to consider parenting in gambling addiction recovery.
Gambling Addiction and Parenting: The Impact on Children
My gambling addiction didn't just take money — it also stole precious moments and fractured the trust between me and my kid. The moments that should have been filled with laughter and joy were overshadowed by the ever-present strain of my gambling. Even if they were too young to understand the full picture, their innocence picked up on the instability, leaving them insecure and afraid.
Now, in recovery, I'm learning how to be the parent they deserve, and it's both challenging and deeply fulfilling.
How to Parent in Gambling Addiction Recovery
Here's what I've learned so far about parenting and gambling addiction.
Honesty is the best policy — I have learned how to be open with my kid about my past and my ongoing recovery journey. We talk about my mistakes and how I'm working to improve. While it is not easy, it is important as it helps build trust. It also shows them it is okay to ask for help. Remember, when talking about gambling addiction with children, it is important to tailor the conversation to their age and understanding. For younger children, it might be a simple explanation like, "Mommy/Daddy used to make some choices that weren't healthy, but now I'm getting help to make better choices."
Focus on quality time — Gambling stole years from my family. I missed milestones and I deeply regret it. Now, I consciously try to spend quality time with my child. We play games, have movie nights, and go for walks — simple things that create memories and strengthen our bond.
Prioritize your wellbeing — Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. If anything, a well-rested, healthy you is better equipped to handle parenthood's daily joys and challenges. When parenting in gambling addiction recovery, I have learned to prioritize activities that support my recovery, like going to therapy and regular exercise, to be the best parent for my kid.
Create new traditions —Lastly, try to create new family traditions. Holidays can be particularly risky for those in recovery for various reasons, including the amount of free time on your hands and the trauma of the absent parent from the children. Instead of the usual (potentially triggering) activities, create new traditions that involve your kids and strengthen your family bond.
Parenting is hard, and parenting in gambling recovery is even more challenging. There will be setbacks, but the unwavering commitment to your recovery and your children's wellbeing creates a powerful foundation for growth. If you're a recovering gambling addict and a parent, know that you're not alone. There is hope, and your children are worth the fight.
My name is Radhika Lakshmanan. I am excited to join the Binge Eating Recovery blog and share my story about my recovery from binge eating disorder. I developed binge eating disorder during my first job, where I struggled with depression, anxiety, and binge eating. I had unresolved past traumas from childhood due to growing up in a physically and emotionally abusive family.
Mental Health at My First Job -- I Started Binge Eating
My first job was in a hospital, and it was extremely stressful; I often worked more than 24 hours and experienced constant bullying, which made it challenging to sleep well and have peace of mind. I started binge eating and gained a lot of weight. Food became my only stress buster, and I would eat until I felt very full. However, after eating, I would constantly feel shame and guilt.
Radhika Lakshmanan Recovers from Binge Eating Disorder
When I gained weight, the bullying at work became worse. So, I changed my career to the corporate field and managed to get better sleep and peace of mind. Healthy food, good sleep, proper exercise, and meditation helped me to heal myself. I also underwent cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and hypnotherapy to heal my past emotional trauma.
Today, I am free from binge eating disorder and living a peaceful and joyful life. I can choose a healthy diet and eat mindfully. I cope beautifully with stress without binge eating. My healing journey inspired me to become a subconscious transformational coach, a CBT practitioner, a spiritual life coach, and a certified hypnotherapist who helps people heal from their subconscious limited patterns and emotional disorders.
For about me and my quest to increase mental health awareness, watch this:
I am delighted to work at HealthyPlace and write on the Binge Eating Recovery blog. I look forward to meeting more people with similar issues and inspiring them to look at binge eating disorder from a different perspective. I hope to inspire them to have an emotionally fulfilling, healthy life.
Many people find it challenging to cope with disappointing others, whether a loved one, a friend, or a coworker. I am no exception. I will avoid disappointing someone if possible. We all know how it feels to be disappointed or let down, so why would I want to inflict that feeling onto someone else? I possess great empathy for others, almost to a fault. So, to know that I am about to confront someone and make them feel sad or disappointed makes me feel guilty, which then leads to depression. However, lately, I have been trying to reroute my thinking and people-pleasing tendencies to remember the positives and why I can no longer appease everyone to help cope with disappointing others.
Coping with Disappointing Others: My Conflict
For instance, I am in the process of transitioning to a new job. It will have a more secure salary, and I can still work from home part of the time. Unfortunately, that means I need to leave coworkers and a job I love, funded only by grant funding that is not guaranteed every year nor guaranteed to last the whole fiscal year.
In this transition, I have to discuss with my boss (and friend) the possibility of leaving our mission to help service members, veterans, and their family members train to be peer support specialists in holistic mental wellbeing. My new job will start very soon, and there is only a little time that I can waste procrastinating on having a challenging discussion with my boss about leaving.
I have agonized over how I will even begin the above discussion as I must cope with disappointing her. Will she be angry with me? Will she be disappointed in me? Will she try to convince me otherwise? Will I even get to say everything I want and why I have decided to leave for a new opportunity even though I genuinely believe in our purpose and mission? This conflict and pending conversation have had me in a tailspin, so much so that I have found myself not only under significant anxiety but also slipping into depression.
How Do I Cope with Disappointing Others?
So, how do I cope with disappointing my boss, who has been so supportive of me for the past two years? Although I am excited about the future, this is also a significant loss. So, trying to stay upbeat has been hard enough, much less adding the pressure of telling my coworkers I'm leaving.
In the past week, I have come up with some ways that will help me cope with disappointing others and hopefully divert any depression from setting in.
Tips to Cope with Disappointing Others
Giving myself a timeline -- Giving myself a set day to speak with someone about a particular decision will provide me with a deadline I must abide by. This way, I can do what I need to do, and my anxiety and depression will stay at bay until close to the deadline.
Journaling about my thoughts -- Journaling is always a go-to when I'm feeling upset or down. Here, I can write out what I want to say and remind myself why I chose what I did. While writing, I can also work out my feelings of disappointing others and feeling guilty before going down the road of sadness.
Talking it out -- This post is about coping with disappointing others. To avoid feeling bad about it, I try to talk it out with the person I think I am disappointing. This will not only prevent burning bridges but also allow me to understand how someone is feeling instead of assuming how they feel.
Remembering my toolbox -- As always, using the items listed in my wellness toolbox (puzzles, scary movies, ice cream, etc.) also helps me avoid getting too deep into a depressive episode.
Ultimately, my empathy and guilt for disappointing others are significant. They can often cause me to become depressed, especially when it comes to my children and loved ones. However, as I have gotten older, I also know I must make choices for my best interests. My tips on coping with disappointing others will be put to the test very soon. If anyone else has any other tips, I am all ears. Please let me know in the comments below.
Once a person has experience with a person with bipolar disorder, they may assume that they will always have a similar experience with others who have bipolar disorder. In other words, a person may paint everyone with bipolar disorder with the same brush. If the first person with bipolar disorder they have experience with is very intelligent or creative — they may think all people with bipolar are. On the other hand, if their experience with a person with bipolar disorder was very negative, they may assume that all their future experiences will go the same way. Generalizations of any group don't help us, however.
Generalizing Experiences with a Person with Bipolar Disorder Is Normal
Treating every item of the same type in the same way is a shorthand for the brain. If we learn that triangles have three sides and then see a three-sided shape, we call it a triangle and treat it as such. When we're talking about shapes, that works just fine. When we're talking about people, though, it gets more complicated. However, our brains still look to take those same shortcuts. It's how we process the myriad of complex stimuli that surround us every day. So, generalizing experiences with a person with bipolar disorder makes sense in that regard.
Generalizing Experiences with a Person with Bipolar Disorder Is Not Helpful
Unfortunately, generalizing your experiences with a person with bipolar disorder is not helpful, as while we are part of a group, we are also individuals. We may fit the diagnosis of an illness, but there are an infinite number of variables that define a human — not just one. We all have hopes, fears, dreams, likes, and dislikes that make us unique. None of those things are necessarily dictated by the illness. When you generalize one experience with a person with bipolar disorder onto all of us, you do us and you a disservice. By generalizing, you aren't learning about who we are or having a genuine interaction. You are projecting history onto the present.
Unfortunately, this often causes harm. I hear from people all the time who think that people with bipolar disorder are incredibly destructive and toxic because of one experience in their past. This tars and feathers all people with bipolar disorder because of what one person did.
How to Not Generalize Your Experience with a Person with Bipolar Disorder
As I said, people are more complicated than shapes. We know this, but applying this knowledge means overriding our brain's basic desire to generalize and categorize. We have to use wisdom and insight to overcome this simple way of thinking.
Essentially, it comes down to remembering that people are complex individuals. You can place them into illness groups if you like, but you can't judge a person based on that group. For example, not everyone with cancer is the same. Not everyone with diabetes is the same. Not everyone with bipolar disorder is the same, either. Bipolar disorder may influence who a person is, but it doesn't define it. Some of us are incredibly brilliant; some of us aren't. Some of us are artists, while some of us can't draw stick figures. And some of us are awful people, but that doesn't mean we all are.
While I will admit that a particularly great or particularly terrible experience can (rightly) influence your feelings in the future, it's important to recognize our history's influence and not project it onto other people — regardless of the group they may be in.
Living with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often means grappling with borderline PD mood swings that can swiftly turn my world upside down. When these BPD mood swings hit, thoughts become tangled in cognitive distortions, and black-and-white thinking takes hold, making it difficult to see shades of gray or to check the validity of my assumptions. In other words, BPD mood swings are a rapid descent into a world where worst-case scenarios feel like certainties.
Borderline PD Mood Swings: Lost in Translation
Explaining my BPD mood swings to loved ones who don't share the same condition can be a daunting task. The speed at which emotions shift can feel impossible to convey. This has left me feeling isolated and misunderstood. Borderline PD mood swings are what I imagine it's like to be thrust into an alternate reality where familiar landscapes suddenly seem foreign and unsettling.
Even moments of joy can quickly sour with the slightest perceived criticism or misstep from a loved one. A seemingly harmless comment can trigger a shame spiral, plunging me into a whirlwind of self-doubt and emotional turmoil.
Perhaps the most challenging aspect of living with BPD mood swings is the normalization of these intense emotional fluctuations. What may seem chaotic to others is simply the default setting for those with BPD. Navigating everyday life, particularly interpersonal relationships, becomes a constant struggle against the tide of shifting emotions and distorted perceptions. I find myself wishing my loved ones could experience a day in my body so I didn't have to explain my moods in plain and trite phrases. Simply saying I feel sad doesn't cover the amount of pain I'm in during a BPD mood swing.
Underlying these BPD mood swings is often a deep-seated yearning for love and validation stemming from unmet needs in childhood. However, when faced with expressions of care and concern from others, individuals with BPD mood swings may find themselves recoiling, their instinctual response being to withdraw rather than embrace the comfort offered.
When a friend notices a change in my mood and extends support, instead of embracing it as an act of kindness, I often find myself overwhelmed with shame and discomfort. The vulnerability of having my emotions observed and acknowledged triggers a defensive reaction within me. I'm working to unlearn my instinctive urge to evade questions like, "Are you ok?" and to perceive these moments as gestures of care.
Living with BPD mood swings is like surfing through a storm on a leaky raft: you're constantly balancing between sinking and riding the waves. It's a journey marked by peaks and valleys, breakthroughs and setbacks. Recognizing my life as it is now has been crucial. The people in my life genuinely want to understand and support me, which is a stark contrast to the emotionally neglectful environment I grew up in. While navigating these complexities can be challenging and sometimes painful, I'm giving myself credit for not only riding the waves but settling into these waters and staying on the path to healing.
Learning how to silence your inner critic after trauma can feel impossible. Personally, I developed a harsh (and loud) inner critic during early childhood following a trauma that made me question my worth. As I grew up, I found it "safer" to try to be the perfect kid, teen, young adult, and now woman, thinking maybe it would make me more worthy of love and good treatment. However, this has only ever perpetuated more self-loathing and vicious cycles.
Throughout my battle with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), I have found self-criticism to be my most pressing struggle. Today, I am actively finding ways to silence my inner critic and better love myself — flaws, mistakes, and all.
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and the Inner Critic After Trauma
After developing PTSD in childhood, I quickly fell victim to my harsh inner critic. In my eyes, I could do nothing right. I was vile. I was a bad person. I was a burden. I was ugly, weird, dramatic, and a million other negative adjectives. But most of all, I was unloveable. At least, that's what my inner critic would tell me.
It wasn't until adulthood that I realized my inner critic was a result of trauma. While I'm sure we all have a somewhat judgmental voice inside our heads, mine was extra loud and extra mean, according to many of my therapists. Because I'd endured such a complex and confusing trauma in childhood, I internalized the event and began telling myself that I was the problem — in every situation. It was easier to blame myself because then I would at least have some control over the situation. I could fix myself, which meant I could avoid conflict, pain, or additional trauma — right? Little did I know, my inner critic after trauma wasn't trying to hurt me.
How to Silence Your Inner Critic After Trauma
Learning to silence your inner critic after trauma won't happen overnight. However, if you can befriend your inner critic rather than trying to fight or disprove it, you might notice more efficient progress.
I believe your inner critic is really trying to keep you safe. I've found that when you can better understand that part of you, you can learn to lessen its intensity and channel its intentions in a healthier way. For example, I've discovered that my inner critic is only trying to keep me safe and loveable. However, it often achieves the opposite and keeps me in unhealthy cycles with individuals who don't have my best interests at heart.
When I can acknowledge my inner critic's true desires, I can address those negative thoughts from a more rational, grounded, and loving place. I don't need to make that internalized voice disappear; I just need to ensure I'm not feeding it. I can allow it to speak or scream or toss insults, but I don't need to agree — and I certainly don't need to fight back. I can remind myself that this part of me is only trying to help; it's just misguided. Then, I can replace those negative thoughts with more helpful, affirming ones that will actually help me grow.
To learn more about silencing your inner critic after trauma, watch the video below:
It feels like I write an article on this topic at least once a year—but as someone who has dealt with sexual assault and a lifetime of body image pressures, I will return to the keyboard once again as society continues to devalue women's (anyone who identifies as such) bodies. So, why am I talking about it this time? The answer is simple: Because it's hard to escape the stark reminders that women's bodies are often not seen as culturally valuable or worth protecting. The devaluing of women's bodies infuriatingly continues.
The News Is Proof Society Continues to Devalue Women's Bodies
A few days ago, millions of women across the United States woke up to the headline that a New York Appeals Court tossed out the 2020 rape conviction of Harvey Weinstein.1 I could not believe it when I first saw all the posts on my Instagram timeline—I had to stare at them for a couple of minutes to be sure I was reading correctly. Then, I noticed a familiar tension in my chest and nausea in my stomach. Weinstein's original conviction was called into question and subsequently overturned. It's just one more example of how society continues to devalue women's bodies while enabling the powerful abusers who harm and objectify them.
When circumstances like this re-emerge in the public discourse, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. The trauma I have worked so tenaciously to heal from creeps right back into the forefront of my mind. I want to contain and control this body, which has felt so unsafe at times that I've been reluctant to embrace it as mine. But there is another vantage point to consider.
Society Devalues Women's Bodies—This Can Be a Call to Action
No matter how often the news cycle—and normal lived experiences—proves that society continues to devalue women's bodies, the story does not have to end there. Crucial work must still be done; every ounce of sustained, collective effort can help change the status quo. If I choose to believe in a future that empowers all human beings to thrive, I cannot become hopeless, resigned, or cynical. So, instead, I cling to the words that Rowena Chiu, a prominent #MeToo activist who was assaulted by Weinstein in 1998, recently shared on Instagram:
"Today's breaking news has by turns been angering, defeating, devastating, frustrating, [and] infuriating...whilst simultaneously, a call to action! It is clear the legal system is in need of reform. Culturally and societally, it remains almost impossibly harrowing for women to speak up. Even if one is willing to take that horrific leap into the unknown, only a handful of cases ever see the inside of a courtroom. Then, to have the testimonies of these brave and courageous few thrown back at us in an overturning of the verdict feels like a gut punch, a slap in the face, and a tearing open of an old wound all at once. Those handful stood for us all. They stood for those of us who could not speak or would not speak...But rather than dwelling in the despair of defeat, I take this as a sign that we are at the beginning of a very long fight, where there will be many steps back, but ultimately, the arc of the moral universe will bend—inexorably—towards justice."2
A Message of Love as Society Continues to Devalue Women's Bodies
Please watch this video to remind yourself that all bodies are valuable. (Editor's Note: This video is limited to people over 18 due to Youtube's policy concerning eating disorders.)
If you were impacted by the news about Harvey Weinstein earlier this week, please be gentle and compassionate toward yourself. Nothing can take away the intrinsic value of your own unique, incomparable, miraculous body. I hope that you'll treat it with kindness because all human bodies are worthy of such. I am sending you love as we process this societal blow together.
Sources
Sisak, M. R., & Collins, D. (2024, April 25). Harvey Weinstein’s rape conviction from landmark #MeToo trial overturned. AP News. https://apnews.com/article/weinstein-metoo-appeal-ed29faeec862abf0c071e8bd3574c4a3
Chiu, R. [@chiu_rowena]. (2024, April 25). Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/p/C6OMQu_rDjA/
Playing the piano affects my schizoaffective disorder in a very positive way. Let me tell you how my piano playing soothes my schizoaffective disorder.
My Schizoaffective Disorder Is Soothed By Piano Playing
Right now, this schizoaffective is playing four songs on the piano—“Across the Universe” and “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles, "River" by Joni Mitchell, and a song I made up that I call “Quickbeam.” (I’m not yet confident enough to say I “composed” it.)
Playing the piano helps my schizoaffective disorder because I’m not just doing something to pass the time, although it is excellent for that–I’m learning a skill. And learning new skills is good for your brain.
I want to share with you how I got my new piano. My little brother, John (he’s 36), got it for me for Christmas. It was a total surprise. It was probably the most generous gift I’ve ever received.
Playing the piano is definitely in my toolbox for soothing my schizoaffective disorder and my anxiety. When I’m stressed out—and if you follow this blog, you know that anxiety covers much of my constant state of being—making music calms me down. It gives me something to focus on, and it makes me forget myself. Last but not least, it’s fun.
How Playing the Piano Versus Listening to Music Affects My Schizoaffective Disorder
Listening to music has always meant so much to me, to the point that I have go-to albums for de-stressing, like Scarlet’s Walk by Tori Amos and Saltbreakers by Laura Veirs. I’ve always intensely admired people with the ability to create good music. But the reason my brother got me the piano is that, when I was a tween, I took piano lessons and, he claims, I was so good it influenced him to study music at the University of Iowa and then move out to California to be near our brother, Billy, and teach piano. He also plays the drums in a band.
I respect pianists like John, Tori Amos, Regina Spektor, and Vanessa Carlton so much more now that I’m playing the piano myself again. I used to judge other famous pianists for not measuring up to Tori Amos and that even included Paul McCartney and John Lennon. Well, they may not be as good as Tori, but I’m leagues away from playing anywhere as well as they all are. So, I guess the lesson becomes, before you judge other people for what they do, try doing it yourself.
I’m not looking to be a professional pianist—I’m already a professional writer. Honestly, I’m not even looking to be a good pianist, although, not to brag, I’m not bad. It’s music therapy for me. Piano playing affects my schizoaffective disorder positively, and for now, that’s enough.
In my video, I talk specifically about how creativity positively affects my schizoaffective disorder, and I even play the piano a little bit.
I've noticed that slowing down helps my anxiety. When I am extremely busy, the pressures of having a demanding schedule and multiple deadlines begin to weigh on me and contribute to my anxiety. The busier my schedule gets, the more I feel anxious daily. Unfortunately, this becomes evident as I start having a hard time sleeping, concentrating, and focusing on day-to-day responsibilities. In these situations, I need to help my anxiety by slowing down.
When this happens, I know it is time to reevaluate my current situation. I've found that the most effective coping techniques that I've used for my anxiety always start with self-awareness and insight. If I don't take the time to assess my current circumstances, then I don't know what can be the most helpful for me. So, I take a step back and reflect on my situation.
During times like these, I know that my anxiety is not so much the result of having taken on too much as it is the result of feeling that there is a lack of structure and control. And so, to regain a sense of control and keep from feeling as though my situation is chaotic, I take some time to slow down.
How Slowing Down Helps My Anxiety
By slowing down to help my anxiety, I mean that instead of trying to multitask and complete too many things all at the same time, I organize and structure my day and focus on only one thing at a time. If I try to multitask, this becomes overwhelming and stressful, especially because it feels like my attention is being pulled in too many directions.
Beyond organizing my day to focus on one task at a time, I also try to prioritize the things I need to accomplish. For example, if I have a looming deadline on a project, this doesn't necessarily mean I need to work on it right away. If I allow myself to spend a lot of time thinking about it, I will feel more stressed, regardless of when that deadline is. The racing thoughts and worries can then become overwhelming and interfere with my daily functioning.
So, instead, I take an honest look at the things I need to work on and decide what is the most urgent. For those tasks, I will make them a priority and then focus my attention fully when I am working on them. Beyond that, to help keep my racing thoughts at bay, I make it a point to allow my thoughts to center only on the task at hand. This has taken quite a bit of practice, but the more I do this, the more I have found my tendency to ruminate decreases.
Lastly, it is tremendously helpful to have a structured schedule in which my responsibilities are organized and given a designated time. No matter how small or large the task is, it gets a spot on my schedule, and this helps me regain a sense of control that then lessens my anxious thoughts.
Take a look at the video below, in which I talk about what is helpful for me concerning slowing down to help my anxiety. Have you found this helpful for your anxiety? If so, share your thoughts in the comments below.
Depression has affected my self-esteem lately, making me feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. These days, I often have this question at the top of my mind: Should I just stop trying and give up? Sometimes, I feel I should keep going anyway; at other times, I am convinced I need a break. Tired of this conflict, I decided to write about it. Here's what I realized about thinking nothing I do is good enough.
Why Am I Feeling As if Nothing I Do Is Good Enough?
Despite my best efforts, things haven't been going my way since the beginning of this year. Virtually everything is falling apart -- whether it's my physical health or work life. Initially, I attributed my setbacks to a bad phase. However, one can only blame luck and circumstances to a certain extent. After some time, I began to blame myself. Once the blame set in, frustration came along, and finally, depression showed up (and hasn't left). Depression often affects my self-esteem, so for the past two weeks, I have been feeling as if nothing I do is ever good enough.
How I Plan to Deal with the Feeling That Nothing I Do Is Good Enough
Feeling like nothing I do is good enough is incredibly disheartening and isn't something I would wish on my worst enemy. As I write this post, I can see that I am tired of trying and need a break to recover from the issues I have been actively dealing with since January 2024. Therefore, I have decided to stop pushing myself to keep moving forward and take a break to focus on self-care instead. My decision may seem cowardly because society has conditioned us to keep going no matter how tired and broken we are. But as my therapist says, prioritizing wellbeing is one of the most courageous things a person can do, especially when feeling like nothing I do is good enough.
If you or someone you know is struggling with similar feelings, know this: you are not alone. Life is far from easy, and it's only human to get overwhelmed sometimes. Overwhelm can cause depression, and depression can lead to feelings of inadequacy. It's okay to pause and take a break, and it's crucial to show yourself the same compassion you would offer to a friend in need. Most importantly, remember that you are worthy -- irrespective of your achievements and failures.
By accepting my need for rest and acknowledging that I do not need to do anything to prove my worth, I'm taking proactive steps to build my self-esteem and stop thinking that nothing I do is good enough. And I hope, for your sake, you will follow suit. Because as cheesy as it may sound, trying is good enough.
