Blogs
Yesterday I talked about the Dissociative Identity Disorder diagnosis and the vital role clinicians play in making that diagnosis. One of the reasons it's important to talk to a therapist if you think you may have DID is that dissociation by nature impedes awareness. Most people can't see the spot between their shoulder blades without a mirror. Similarly, most severely dissociative people aren't able to clearly recognize the symptoms of DID and the extent of their problem without the help of a skilled clinician. In fact, the diagnosis often comes as a shock. Today I'd like to share with you a typical diagnosis story - my own.
Mental Illness: It's Not Just You
It's Mental Health Awareness Week and some of Hollywood's brightest stars have created a charity, and coming out campaign. Watch the PSA with the ever-sexy Harrison Ford: No Kidding, Me too!
Let's change the conversation about mental health, and treat anxiety. Here's a Friday fun one to help lighten your week:
The Obsessive-Compulsive Buddhist
I mentioned in my last post how it is the best of times and the worst of times for mental illness and treatment education. There are no shortage of online sources of mental illness information: websites, discussion groups, blogs, news, self-assessment tests and everything else in between. It's as if we can diagnose ourselves and pick our own treatment all without leaving the warmth of our laptop on our thighs.
But the anonymity of the internet means that everyone you meet might just be a 12-year-old girl with a big vocabulary and no idea what she's talking about. So just who are you supposed to trust for mental illness information?
We were talking about dissociation when a man I once knew told me he'd been entirely unaware of a hospital stay until he got the bill. I didn't say it, but I immediately thought, 'he obviously has Dissociative Identity Disorder.' I now know how presumptuous that was. Though his experience was clearly indicative of something outside of everyday experience, it's taking a lot for granted to assume that something is DID. And looking back, it's absurd that I was so convinced. Not satisfied with a second opinion of my own diagnosis, I sought out four. One would think someone as hesitant to jump to conclusions as that would exercise a little more caution.
There's no question parents of children with a psychiatric illness have numerous obstacles to face when a child's illness is not under good control. However, many outsiders don't understand that "stability" doesn't equal "cured." Even when a child's condition is stabilized (through medication or otherwise), that condition continues to present challenges for child and parents alike. Among those challenges--the three-part drama we call "Homework."
Dare I say it, treating anxiety can be kind of, well, fun? I learnt a genuinely enlightening lesson this week about getting in touch with calm through body movement and mindfulness techniques. Sounds fancy but it's actually a really down to Earth way to stop anxiety.
I strained my Achilles tendon running, of all things, earlier in the week --Very impressive bruise. Anyway, when it comes to anxiety it doesn't always pay to push. It isn't a war: You're just looking for peace.
Anxiety is still a struggle, for most of us, even when you get that it isn't a fight. So off I went to Yoga to to ease the strain, both in body and brain.
I was reading a tabloid very informative celebrity magazine in the bookstore the other day and was intrigued by an article about Angelina Jolie and her “rainbow family.” The article states that a “source close to the family” claims that Jolie has picked a personality for each of her kids and is dressing them accordingly. For example, her biological daughter Shiloh is the designated tomboy and has been photographed looking more and more like a little boy with her cropped hair and masculine clothes; conversely her adopted daughter Zahara is quite the little lady in her feminine dresses.
About a week and a half ago, my son, Bob--who has bipolar disorder and ADHD--was prescribed Loxapine by his psychiatrist. Loxapine was added to his medications in an effort to counter his recent depression symptoms, as well as a concurrent onset of overwhelming paranoia, fear of being alone, nightmares, and sleepwalking.
I once heard that almost half of all people with schizophrenia have difficulty getting medical treatment for physical problems when their doctors are aware of their psychiatric diagnosis. Based on my experience, the percentage of this problem is much higher for people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and this is why having a patient advocate on your side may prove invaluable.
The internet is a fabulous place where everyone gets to share their story for all to see. The internet is a horrible place where everyone gets to share their story for all to see.
It is the best of times; it is the worst of times, and nowhere is this more evident than in the deluge of mental health information.
First of all, thank you for sharing your story. You are a very caring person, and I commend you for, as Tammy Wynette sings, "Stand(ing) by your man." That aside, I wholeheartedly agree with you that those living with depression may seem selfish to someone on the outside. Still, in reality, they (me also being one of them) think our loved ones would be better off without us around because of our depression. We think we are doing our loved ones a favor by leaving. Depression causes our brains to work in different ways, causing us to think distortedly -- so no, we are not purposefully being selfish. Thank you for seeing that with your loved one and not allowing someone else to convince you otherwise.
Well, eventually, the depression demons took hold and he told me on August 5th 2023 that he decided he wanted to just move to MT and isolate himself from everyone. He had been offered a free place to stay if he did some maintenance. He is very handy and that type of situation was very ideal because it was flexible; he only worked on things on the days he was physically up to it.
We talked every night like "normal" up until he left on April 14th 2023. We had a long distance relationship then and so I didnt get to see him in person often and didnt see him that last week. He told me one last time that he loved me and he was sorry to hurt me and I have not heard from him since. He didnt even tell his parents or sister he was leaving.
I still love him as much as I ever have even though it has been over a year since we last spoke. I just had dinner with a close friend who was always very critical of him because often he would have to cancel plans last minute due to the Crohn's or because he would go dark for weeks at a time. She told me tonight that he is a selfish person and that if he truly loved me he would have gotten help for the depression. Oddly, she has been depressed before and suicidal which you would think would make her more understanding. I asked her if when she contiplated suicide was she selfish? She said yes. I said but are you a selfish person and she said no. I said that was the same for him. Sure him leaving me and his family was "selfish" but at his core, is he selfish? Absolutely not. She thinks because she was able to conquer her depression that if he really loved me, he would have fought his depression. It makes me sad to think she cant see the amazing guy that is buried under the depression. I know, without a doubt, if he did get a handle on the depression, that he would NOT be selfish at all. It is hard to understand why others cant see the true person under the depression.
I hope those that are struggling know that not everyone will abandon you in your time of suffering. There are people out there that see the real you and would do anything to help.
I encourage all those suffering from depression to not only tell your loved ones what you are going through, but also to seek professional help. And for those of you who love a person suffering from depression, have compassion and understanding for their struggle. Know they do not intentionally hurt you and deep down they still love you even if they cant show it.
Thanks for reading.
p.s. I also struggle with depression and anxiety but I did get help and between medication and coping techniques, I am able to be myself again.
From the story you told, it sounds like you know when your partner's alters switch.
I'm sorry this was written in the first/second person. But maybe apply this to your situation with a grain of salt.