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Relationships With Abusive Narcissists

marymia916: Do you feel satisfied with your life?

Dr. Vaknin: Not at all. I suffer from a "grandiosity gap". It is the abyss between the narcissist's inflated, fantastic and grandiose image of himself - and reality. My self image, my expectations from myself and from people around me (for instance, my sense of entitlement). My unrealistic appraisal of my talents and skills (totally incommensurate with my rather mediocre achievements) - this hurts and transforms life into a frenetic, obsessed, sick, and sickening search of affirmation from the outside. Narcissistic supply is a drug and I am a drug addict.

David: Here's an audience comment:

dolly: If I heard my narcissist husband talk like this, I would pass out.

Zette: Hey, don't you know - the narcissist is ALWAYS right! Given that mindset, their lives must be almost as miserable as those they feed off of.

mldavi5: When I first read your site, you said that you had had no healing. However, you seem mellower and SEEM to show compassion. So has there now been some improvement for you in your condition?

David: Please respond to that.

Dr. Vaknin: I thought this chat was about relationships with abusive narcissists - but I will not evade the question...:o) There has been a marked deterioration in my condition in the last few years. As the narcissist ages, the grandiosity gap expands. He is no longer young, healthy, fit, agile, competitive. The narcissist feels "eroded," without an "edge," rusting away, wasted. The narcissist then reacts in one of three ways. He becomes

  1. paranoid (suspects a conspiracy of the whole world against him) or;
  2. schizoid (retreats from the world, mainly in order to avoid nacissistic injury), or;
  3. psychotic (renounces reality altogether and lives in fantasyland ever after).

Most narcissists - myself included - react with a blend of all three to the painful decline in their prowess, clout, faculties, abilities, skills, and charm. But I am mostly schizoid and paranoid.

David: It is about 4:40 a.m. in Macedonia, where Dr. Vaknin is located. We appreciate you being here tonight, Dr. Vaknin, and for staying up so late and sharing this information with us. And to those in the audience, thank you for coming and participating. I hope you found it helpful. We have a very large and active community here at HealthyPlace.com. You will always find people interacting with various sites. Also, if you found our site beneficial, I hope you'll pass our URL around to your friends, mail list buddies, and others. http://www.healthyplace.com

Dr Vaknin: I want to thank all of you, moderator and audience alike, for being here and for your kind words. Be strong and do the right thing! Sam

David: Here's the link to the HealthyPlace.com Personality Disorders Community. Sign up for the newsletter mail list to keep up on events and happenings here at HealthyPlace.com.

Thanks again, Dr. Vaknin and good night everyone.


Disclaimer: We are not recommending or endorsing any of the suggestions of our guest. In fact, we strongly encourage you to talk over any therapies, remedies or suggestions with your doctor BEFORE you implement them or make any changes in your treatment.



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back to: Personality Disorders Conference Transcripts ~ Other Conferences Index ~ Personality Disorders Home

Last Updated: 11 April 2017
Reviewed by Harry Croft, MD

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