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You Too Can Recover From an Eating Disorder

(Editor's note: This author shares her bulimia story, but wishes to remain anonymous.)

I am here to tell you that you can overcome your eating disorder. I did it, and I did it alone. Here is my story.

It all started the summer after my freshman year when I decided I would lose weight. I am 5'4" and weighed about 135. I was not fat, but I wanted to be thinner. I started the sugar busters diet, and I worked out 4 days a week doing kickboxing or sculpting classes at a local gym. I was so proud when I got down to 122 pounds, but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to maintain it. After going out to eat one day, I felt extremely guilty for not following my diet. I ate pasta. . .a big carbohydrate no-no. I can remember going to the toilet, sticking my fingers down my throat and thinking, "I shouldn't be doing this, Why am I doing this?" I don't exactly remember the order of events after that, but I know in no time I was throwing up every meal.

I can remember at first, when I would eat and not be able to throw on after going to the grocery store with my mom. She would always ask me how I could eat so much and not gain weight, and I would play dumb and be like I really don't know. . and she would be like I guess you really boosted your metabolism when you were on that diet. What really surprises me though, is that my father (a doctor) never noticed.

A personal story of bulimia and how to overcome bulimia. How my bulimia started, got worse and what I had to do to overcome it.Vacations were always difficult because in a hotel room I wouldn't be able to throw up because my parents could hear me, unless I took a bath and could run the water. The disorder consumed my whole life. Before I could ever commit to anything, I always had to decide when and where I would be able to throw up.

I was obsessed with food. Anything fried, anything sweet, or anything in large portions I loved. I stretched my stomach so much, it took so much to fill me up, and I would eat until I couldn't possibly eat anymore. It was ridiculous.

I knew this was odd. I researched on the internet and found out that the constant churning up of the acid from my stomach caused these cavities. I knew I had to stop. It was like a huge flashing light saying "YOU ARE HURTING YOURSELF!" (read about eating disorder health problems)

I decided I would eat right and exercise, and that way I would still maintain my weight. WRONG! I gained weight, and just went back to my old ways.

Then one day, April 7th, my parents and I went to this brunch. When my mom got out of the car she began walking and passed out, falling on her shoulder and face. It was the scariest thing I had ever witnessed. My father was so angry. He knew something was up. My mom later explained that she had gone to the doctor and found out she had gained 7 pounds. Being the health-conscious person she is, she had over exercised and took laxatives and diet pills to drop those 7 pounds. My parents fought for days. My dad was so angered by how I would read on the scale each morning. I just kept putting on the pounds because I had messed my metabolism up so badly. I couldn't fit into my size 0 clothes as well and actually had to start buying size 2s and 4s. I fell into a little bit of a depression now that I look back on it. Finally, one day, I decided I had to get off that scale. I couldn't let a number on a scale determine how I felt about myself for that day. I NEVER get on the scale anymore. I have gained weight, but I have accepted it. I exercise regularly and eat healthy, but I don't have any forbidden foods, because that could always send me back into a binge causing me to purge.

Yesterday was 4 months recovered (bulimia recovery). I have not had a single relapse, and I never feel like, "I wish I could throw up." I feel like I'm a stronger person now for fighting this. . and fighting this alone. I have learned what's really important, it truly is what's on the inside.

--Anonymous

article references

next: Another story: I Thought I Was Smarter Than This
~ all bulimia nervosa articles
~ all articles on eating disorders

Last Updated: 14 January 2014
Reviewed by Harry Croft, MD

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