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Signs Your Friend Is Abused

Signs Your Friend Is Abused

Kasandra Perkins and possibly ten other women died at the hands of their partner on December 1, 2012 (4000 women killed by partners/year divided by 365 days/year = 10.96 dead women per day). Yet today, Internet news sources remember Kasandra Perkin’s boyfriend, the man who killed her before killing himself, and the jest of the commentary is, “We didn’t see this coming. He was such a great guy!” Typical.

Newsday reported “Friends of Perkins have said there was tension between the two that escalated after the birth of their daughter, now 3 months old, and a police source said the two argued about money.” Abuse escalates or begins after the abuser feels that the victim cannot separate from them. For example, after the birth of a baby.

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Verbal Abuse Books: Educate Yourself on Domestic Violence

Verbal Abuse Books: Educate Yourself on Domestic Violence

Verbal abuse books helped me discover that my marriage problems were rooted in verbal and emotional abuse. I felt relief because up until I read the library of verbal abuse books available, I thought that I was losing my mind. My abusive husband had almost convinced me that every problem in our marriage was my fault. He said I was inept and out of touch with reality.

The verbal abuse books taught me that my husband was wrong. But more importantly, the verbal abuse books taught me the vocabulary of abuse so I could finally describe what was happening to me.

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Side Effects of Abuse Trick You Into Staying

Side Effects of Abuse Trick You Into Staying

The side effects of abuse cause you to doubt your ability to make it on your own. Plagued with "what ifs" you talk yourself out of leaving a hundred times.

Staring at this blank space, waiting for me to write something, reminds me of my days of abuse. Each day could seem so clean and full of promise – the trick was, I had to expend energy to make it a great day, use my will to write the day full of actions that led me toward my goals and toward a new and better day.

But, unfortunately, I didn’t have the energy to create a new day. I didn’t have the ability to break the day’s chains and move forward. All I could do was sit there and wait for the day to write itself. Slowly, just as the sun moved across the sky, my blank day moved from bright to dark with no help from me.

I’d go to bed that night knowing I’d created nothing grand, never mind improved myself in any way. Never mind improving my thoughts, my plans, or the ability to live any dream. No, my days in abuse were blanks. Unwritten opportunities that could have been something grand if only I’d had the energy needed to progress.

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Early Abuse In My Relationship – A Story of Abuse

Early Abuse In My Relationship – A Story of Abuse

Early in my relationship with my ex-husband, Will, I felt afraid in his presence. I’ve often wondered why I stayed with him in these early days. My boyfriends before him generally treated me well – very well. I’d known no one like Will before. He seemed exciting and different. I think my curiosity got the best of me; by the time I’d figured him out, we were entrenched in the cycle of abuse.

I think this episode I’m sharing today illustrates what was going on in my head during our earliest abusive interactions. As you will read in the story, Will and I firmly attached ourselves together very quickly. This story happens before he asked me to be his girl.

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Not Everything A Verbal Abuser Says Is A Lie

Not Everything A Verbal Abuser Says Is A Lie

Nikky suffers from verbal abuse. Her husband terrorizes her and their children with volatile language and sometimes backs it up with physical violence. She cringes when he goes off and I imagine her sitting in a tiny ball, trying to protect herself as well as she can from the fitful blows that may rain down at any second.

Perhaps a part of her wishes that he would just go ahead and do it. If he hits her and uses up all that hateful energy, then perhaps she could heal in peace. She does not say this, but many other abused women I’ve spoken to do.

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Intimacy in Abusive Relationships

Intimacy in Abusive Relationships

When I think of intimacy, I think of the ability to share personal insights or facts with another person who will keep them between the two of us and hold them gently. Holding my personal fears, joys, mistakes and successes gently is important to me. When my abuser would manipulate the intimate facts of me to control me, I felt he betrayed me just as if he had stood on a rooftop and blurted private facts of me into a bullhorn.

And yet, although my intimacies often came back to bite me in the butt, I kept sharing them with him! Why? Because I thought that sharing brought closeness, appreciation, understanding, and love. I thought I could force him to love me the way I wanted by being completely open and honest.

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Life After Abuse Video

Life After Abuse Video

Life after abuse surpasses the definition of peaceful. There is no one but me to tell me what to do or how to do it.

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Nice Conversations With Abusers Are Not So Nice

Nice Conversations With Abusers Are Not So Nice

Every conversation with your abuser tends to either give hope or take it away. Don't trust the ones that give hope - they're false. Nothing has changed.

The story I want to tell you today happened between my ex and me over two years ago when we were still together. At the time, I knew he was abusing me. I realized that there was little hope that he would change. I didn’t want to leave my marriage, but I was beginning to think there was no real marriage to leave anyway.

Looking back, I remember my internal struggle to find an elusive peace. I longed for a partner who loved me and would work with me through life’s trials and celebrate its joys. I so wanted a normal conversation, a nice conversation without the abusive junk lurking underneath the surface. I was hoping my life away.

If you see yourself in the following story, please think long and hard about whether you want to wait it out to see if your partner decides to change. Remember that the abuser finds great benefit in abusing, otherwise s/he would have changed long ago.

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I Want to Tell Her About The Abuse

I Want to Tell Her About The Abuse

It’s not my place to tell her about what abuse she has to look forward to in her new relationship with my ex-abuser. It’s none of my business that, from this distance, I can clearly sense what is happening. If I approached her, she would probably get mad at me.

I’m sure he’s told her what a head-case I am, warned her to limit her contact with me. At the very least, he’s agreed with her perspective on how crazy I must be to have left him, that it takes two to tango, that I have baggage I didn’t work through in all those years we were together.

But if I were to write her a letter, this is how it would go:

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Definition of Abuse: A Domestic Violence Education

Definition of Abuse: A Domestic Violence Education

What is the definition of abuse? What counts as domestic violence? People search for versions of those questions thousands of times each month. Are there really so many people who do not know any definition for abuse?

I don’t think so. I think victims continue searching for the definition of abuse because they want to believe their loved one does not abuse them. Victims would rather believe that they, in fact, are as crazy as their abusive relationship makes them feel. They want the definition of abuse to be something other than what they read on that last website.

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