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Depression and Verbal Abuse: My Story

Depression and Verbal Abuse: My Story

Is depression merely an inevitable consequence of verbal abuse? Or are depressed people more susceptible to abuse than others? I didn’t realize I had depression until my verbally abusive relationship ended and I felt suicidal. It’s hard to write those words because they feel so alien to me now, but it shouldn’t be. It’s the truth; a truth that will resonate with anyone who’s ever been told by the person they love most that they’re not enough: not thin enough, not funny enough, not smart enough, not enough to make someone happy. But was I  always prone to these feelings of depression and hopelessness, or were they triggered by the verbal and emotional abuse in my relationship?

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Dreams About Abuse and How I’m Using them to Recover

Dreams About Abuse and How I’m Using them to Recover

Dreams about abuse play an active role in recovery from relationship abuse. As bad as dreams about abuse are, is there something positive to be said for them?

I still have dreams about abuse despite the abusive relationship ending years ago and the progress I’ve made in my recovery from verbal and psychological abuse. Sometimes I am trapped in a house with him, unable to escape. Other times the roles are reversed: I become the abuser, and he is the one begging for my love and respect. But then there are the nightmares — the dreams so violent and terrifying that they take weeks to shake off. I’m sure these forays into my subconscious are simply my brain trying to process what happened, but the dreams about abuse always take me right back to the way I felt at the time of the relationship abuse, and sometimes they’re just downright confusing.

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Build Self-Help for Verbal Abuse into New Year’s Resolutions

Build Self-Help for Verbal Abuse into New Year’s Resolutions

Self help for verbal abuse strategies empower you to assert yourself. Here are some New Year's Resolutions that teach you self help skills to mitigate abuse.

Resolving to learn self-help for verbal abuse in the new year can help you end next year in a better place. A New Year’s resolution is a personal promise we make with the intent to better ourselves, and New Year’s resolutions for those battling verbal abuse are just as important as any other resolutions we consider and commit to each year. If you’ve reflected on your year and thought you could really benefit from some positive change, implement solid New Year’s resolutions to improve the quality of your life: Promise to learn some self-help for the verbal abuse in your relationships.

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After Verbal Abuse Ends, There’s Still Left-Over Anxiety

After Verbal Abuse Ends, There’s Still Left-Over Anxiety

After verbal abuse, anxiety tends to overshadow our instincts. How can we learn to trust ourselves after verbal abuse when we can't tell the difference?

After verbal abuse, my mental health didn’t automatically return to normal. The first year after my verbally abusive relationship ended was tough. Not only did I struggle with the after-effects of verbal abuse — namely anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem — I also met someone new (let’s call him A) and fell in love all over again. A was everything I had ever wanted in a partner and my instincts were telling me “he’s the one” from the day we met. So why couldn’t I let myself be happy? With my verbal abuser firmly out of the picture, why was I still plagued with anxiety? Mental health problems may follow us long after verbal abuse ends.

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How It Feels When Your Verbal Abuser Is a Nice Guy

How It Feels When Your Verbal Abuser Is a Nice Guy

It's almost impossible for others to comprehend that Mr. Nice Guy could be your abuser. How could someone so charming be abusive? But in fact, it's common.Here’s how it feels when people tell you that your verbally abusive ex-boyfriend is a “nice guy.” At first, it makes you doubt yourself, as if you could have made the whole thing up or that you must be overreacting. It feels as though the whole world is reinforcing the idea that well-established, charismatic men cannot possibly be held accountable for abuse. It’s frustrating and maddening that no one is willing to recognize the pain he inflicted on you. You cry, shout, and doubt yourself some more. But then you stop being angry. You stop expecting others to understand. Instead, you nod and smile and make peace with what you know to be true. And here’s to deal with it when your verbal abuser is a nice guy.

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Can You Save Your Abuser’s New Girlfriend From Abuse?

Can You Save Your Abuser’s New Girlfriend From Abuse?

Is it your job to warn your abuser's new girlfriend of his abuse? If so, is there a way of protecting her without compromising your own safety? Read this.

One of the questions many abuse victims will ask themselves is, “Is it my job to warn my abuser’s new girlfriend of his behavior?” And I must admit, this has stumped me every time it’s been brought up in the comments section of a Verbal Abuse in Relationships blog post. When my abusive boyfriend broke up with me, I swiftly deleted him from all of my social media accounts. We also lived in different cities, so when he did meet someone else I didn’t know about it until months afterward. But when the inevitable photos of him with other women found their way into my news feed, I couldn’t help wondering if it was my job to warn my abuser’s new girlfriend of what he was capable of.

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Easy Targets for Verbal Abuse: Why Me?

Easy Targets for Verbal Abuse: Why Me?

Are some people easy targets for verbal abuse? When I look back at my 20-year-old self, I see an easy target for abuse. Knowing that can protect me. Here's why.Could you be an easy target for verbal abuse? Or have you ever wondered why you were verbally abused in a relationship? By that, I don’t just mean why your partner was abusive, but more specifically why he picked you as his target. The general consensus seems to be that anyone can fall prey to an abuser, but is that really the case, or are some people more susceptible to emotional abuse and manipulation than others? Are some of us easy targets for verbal abuse?

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How To Recover From Emotional Trauma of Domestic Abuse

How To Recover From Emotional Trauma of Domestic Abuse

People wondering how to recover from emotional trauma really want to know how long recovery will take. Unfortunately, there is no solid time frame for recovering from emotional trauma. But, if we can slow down a minute and understand how to recover from emotional trauma, then the how long will it take part will handle itself. 

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Heal From Abuse: Decide What You Want Not What You Don’t Want

Heal From Abuse: Decide What You Want Not What You Don’t Want

Healing from abuse often requires trying different techniques. Learn how to decide what you want to help heal from an abusive relationship.

If you have read about domestic violence, then know that healing from abuse can be as difficult as living in it. You’ve read that leaving abusive relationships is not easy and can be downright dangerous. You read about the cycle of abuse and the power and control wheel. You’ve also come to understand that whether you believe you are abused or if you continue to question if your partner abuses you, your relationship is not a healthy one. Hopefully, at the very least, you realize the problem in your relationship cannot be entirely your fault (relationships take two, you know) and your mental disorders or problems like codependency explain only a fraction of the story.

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Find Your Hidden Trauma Triggers Caused by Domestic Abuse

Find Your Hidden Trauma Triggers Caused by Domestic Abuse

Hidden trauma triggers cause symptoms that can be mistaken for signs of domestic abuse when there is no abuser. Learn how to recognize hidden trauma triggers.

The trauma triggers discussed in the last post (How To Handle Trauma Triggers Caused By Domestic Abuse) typically result in anxiety or panic attacks. You can often find a cause for those types of trauma triggers and there is a way to handle the anxiety they cause at the time they occur.

On the other hand, hidden trauma triggers are situations, relationships or events that subconsciously remind an abuse survivor of the abuse they experienced and cause the survivor to feel or act out in ways they did during the abusive relationship for several days or longer.

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