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How It Feels When Your Verbal Abuser Is a Nice Guy

How It Feels When Your Verbal Abuser Is a Nice Guy

It's almost impossible for others to comprehend that Mr. Nice Guy could be your abuser. How could someone so charming be abusive? But in fact, it's common.Here’s how it feels when people tell you that your verbally abusive ex-boyfriend is a “nice guy.” At first, it makes you doubt yourself, as if you could have made the whole thing up or that you must be overreacting. It feels as though the whole world is reinforcing the idea that well-established, charismatic men cannot possibly be held accountable for abuse. It’s frustrating and maddening that no one is willing to recognize the pain he inflicted on you. You cry, shout, and doubt yourself some more. But then you stop being angry. You stop expecting others to understand. Instead, you nod and smile and make peace with what you know to be true. And here’s to deal with it when your verbal abuser is a nice guy.

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Ending Verbal Abuse: Five Steps to Take

Ending Verbal Abuse: Five Steps to Take

Ending verbal abuse isn't easy. Verbal abuse leads to long-term emotional damage, but how do we end the cycle? Here are five ideas on ending verbal abuse.

So, you’ve spotted the signs of verbal abuse in your relationship and you want to end the verbal abuse. You know that blaming, shaming, threatening and name-calling does not equate to a happy or healthy partnership. You realize that maybe — just maybe — you deserve better. So how do you make it stop? Is ending verbal abuse possible?

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Can You Save Your Abuser’s New Girlfriend From Abuse?

Can You Save Your Abuser’s New Girlfriend From Abuse?

Is it your job to warn your abuser's new girlfriend of his abuse? If so, is there a way of protecting her without compromising your own safety? Read this.

One of the questions many abuse victims will ask themselves is, “Is it my job to warn my abuser’s new girlfriend of his behavior?” And I must admit, this has stumped me every time it’s been brought up in the comments section of a Verbal Abuse in Relationships blog post. When my abusive boyfriend broke up with me, I swiftly deleted him from all of my social media accounts. We also lived in different cities, so when he did meet someone else I didn’t know about it until months afterward. But when the inevitable photos of him with other women found their way into my news feed, I couldn’t help wondering if it was my job to warn my abuser’s new girlfriend of what he was capable of.

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The Invisible Line Between Verbal and Physical Abuse

The Invisible Line Between Verbal and Physical Abuse

When it comes to verbal and physical abuse, can words hurt us the same as a fist? Sticks and stones . . . are broken bones worse than a broken soul?

The distinction between verbal and physical abuse is something I have questioned ever since my abusive relationship ended. My ex-partner shoved me, pushed me, kicked me and forced me out of his way when we argued. He raised his fist and made threats, but never actually hit me. Does this mean I was verbally, physically abused or both? I think the answer depends on where we, as individuals, draw the line.

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Easy Targets for Verbal Abuse: Why Me?

Easy Targets for Verbal Abuse: Why Me?

Are some people easy targets for verbal abuse? When I look back at my 20-year-old self, I see an easy target for abuse. Knowing that can protect me. Here's why.Could you be an easy target for verbal abuse? Or have you ever wondered why you were verbally abused in a relationship? By that, I don’t just mean why your partner was abusive, but more specifically why he picked you as his target. The general consensus seems to be that anyone can fall prey to an abuser, but is that really the case, or are some people more susceptible to emotional abuse and manipulation than others? Are some of us easy targets for verbal abuse?

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Why Does Verbal Abuse Happen? What Makes a Person Abusive?

Why Does Verbal Abuse Happen? What Makes a Person Abusive?

 

To understand why verbal abuse happens, we must question some uncomfortable assumptions. We have to look at both abuser and victim. Why do people abuse others?

When I first realized I’d been in a verbally abusive relationship, I asked myself, “Why me?” and “Why does verbal abuse happen?” but there were no straightforward answers to these questions. The articles I read online echoed the reassurances of those close to me — that the abuse wasn’t about me, it was about my ex. “If it hadn’t been you it would’ve been somebody else,” I kept hearing, doubting if this was really the case. Years later, I still find myself wondering whether the abuse was entirely his fault or if I could have done more to prevent it. I still wonder why verbal abuse happened.

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When Verbal Abuse Is Disguised as a Joke

When Verbal Abuse Is Disguised as a Joke

Abusers disguise verbal abuse as jokes, but even if the joke makes the abuser (and others) laugh, it's not funny. You're not too sensitive. It's verbal abuse.

How can you recognize verbal abuse disguised as a joke? Here’s the thing: a loving partner will never call you ugly or stupid, even as a joke. A respectful husband or wife won’t ever deliberately put you down in front of other people for a laugh. That’s because it’s not funny, it’s verbal abuse thinly disguised as a joke.

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The Difference Between Arguments and Verbal Abuse

The Difference Between Arguments and Verbal Abuse

There is a clear distinction between arguments and verbal abuse, but it's hard to see it in the moment. Are you arguing or being verbally abused? Find out here.

There is an important difference between arguments and verbal abuse. Have you ever heard the expression, “You can’t see the wood for the trees?” That’s how a verbally abusive relationship made me feel. I spent so long trying to unpick my partner’s behavior that I became blind to it, all the while thinking that if I could somehow do better, be better then the abuse would stop (Do You Abuse Yourself with Self-Blame?). I was in denial. I told myself that all couples argue. But I now know there is a clear distinction between normal relationship arguments and verbal abuse.

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Introduction to Emma-Marie Smith, Author of ‘Verbal Abuse in Relationships’

Introduction to Emma-Marie Smith, Author of ‘Verbal Abuse in Relationships’

Emma-Marie Smith has experienced verbal abuse in a previous relationship. Learn about Emma-Marie Smith's experience with verbal abuse and healing.I’m Emma-Marie Smith, and I’m proud to be joining the Verbal Abuse in Relationships blog here at HealthyPlace. A few years ago, I met a man who was charming, intelligent, and good looking. My family liked him, my friends liked him, and he did all the things a good boyfriend does. He bought me flowers, left love notes under my pillow, and was always proud to introduce me to his friends and colleagues — but that wasn’t the whole story. The verbal abuse began weeks into our relationship and lasted for almost two years.

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How To Recover From Emotional Trauma of Domestic Abuse

How To Recover From Emotional Trauma of Domestic Abuse

People wondering how to recover from emotional trauma really want to know how long recovery will take. Unfortunately, there is no solid time frame for recovering from emotional trauma. But, if we can slow down a minute and understand how to recover from emotional trauma, then the how long will it take part will handle itself. 

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