Anxiety and Evasiveness: Is There a Point?
Wednesday, July 25 2012 Jodi Lobozzo Aman, LCSW-R
Anxiety feeds evasiveness, meaning anxiety has a way of shooting down the point to everything you want to do. We may want to do something but anxiety makes us see everything as an uncomfortable activity. In our imagination, it seems unpleasant, unenjoyable. We think and we say that we don't want to go. Anxiety makes us feel like there is no point. No point to trying because it is too uncomfortable, or no point because we won't succeed anyway.
This is an excuse, it is us rationalizing that we do not care that we cannot do anything, or go anywhere. We think, "I don't want to do that." And insist, "I don't feel like it," when someone asks. When our loved one asks "Why not?" we don't have an answer.
Evasiveness: A Sign of Anxiety
The evasiveness is a telltale sign anxiety might be present. It is easier to think you don't want to, than accept anxiety is not letting you. But is this the truth? Do we really not want to go? Is there really no point?
If we ask ourselves, would we want to do it if we did not have the anxiety, would that answer be different? If someone could imagine it without anxiety, the answer is often "yes!"
Find a Point And Your Evasiveness Caused By Anxiety Disappears
When Anxiety is present, comfort becomes our top priority. The point to everything else pales in comparison. This is the most important thing ever . We think we will be ready to overcome our anxiety when we feel comfortable. But we can wait forever for this.
We need to find a point to do what we are doing. We need to find something more important than anxiety. Something to motivate us, take priority to "remaining comfortable" and then nothing will keep us from doing it.
Then we do it, not fully comfortable, and realize that we can do it! The next time it becomes easier, I promise (Resisting Anxiety In Restaurants).
I know someone who is afraid to drive on the express way. We decided to practice together as part of exposure therapy. Before doing this I asked her.
"If one of your children was in the hospital and you were trying to get to him, would you drive on the express way if it was the fastest way?"
She said yes. She would have a strong priority, a strong point to doing it and anxiety wouldn't stop her.
There is a point to doing things, some very important points: happiness and fun.
What is your two cents? I would love to hear your comments below!