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Performance Anxiety

Gift Giving and Keeping Score Yesterday, I went to work and we had a baby shower for a co-worker. The food was excellent, the decorations beautiful, and a table was full of gifts. No matter if it's a baby shower, a bridal shower, Christmas, or a birthday party, I can't help but feel that your gift gets entered into a silent competition in the minds of everyone watching. It's as if each gift goes through a rating system. A score is given for the level of creativity, thoughtfulness, expense, quantity, and quality for the gift itself as well as how it is wrapped. And somehow the overall score given to your gift correlates to how much you love that person, or even worse, how you rate as a person on a scale of worth.
Over the years of struggling with anxiety and panic attacks, I have gone through many learning experiences and trials. For a long time, I tried to keep up appearances that my life was perfect and I could handle anything. In panicky situations, I would sort of lie to people by telling them I wasn’t feeling well but never really explained why. Or I would just leave. After years of “not feeling well” at family gatherings, people started coming up with their own conclusions. This only made things worse.
I am a big believer that hobbies can improve our confidence in ourselves. Some of my hobbies include crafting, blogging and blog design, scrapbooking, but especially photography. I love the satisfaction and pride I feel when I capture a portrait that I know will be treasured for years. However, fear is never far away. I finally had a photo shoot with a complete stranger's family that found me from my website. Even though I knew I had the knowledge and experience to take their pictures and come up with some decent shots, the fear of having to prove myself to these people made me a nervous wreck!