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So...The World Will Be Better Off? WRONG!

Sheila

In Loving Memory Of Allyson's Sheila

How many times have we who suffer from MPD, depression, or any great emotional pain and stress thought we wanted to leave? For many of us, it's always an option lingering in the recesses of our mind that creeps up and builds when we are suffering the most.

In considering this possibility, we always try to find excuses to justify what we're considering doing. How many of us have said, "my family, my children, my friends would be so much better off without me? The pain I cause them in life is so great that they will be better off without me".

This is the story of Sheila and it's the story of Allyson. Sheila was a multiple who succumbed to the temptation to leave us and Allyson is the life-time partner that Sheila left behind. This story will unfold for you through the words of letters written by Allyson immediately following and during the difficult grieving period that continues still. After reading their story, it will be clear, no one was better off with Sheila gone.

(The quotes on these pages are taken from Letters written by Allyson.)

2/18/99

Sheila and Friend

Dear Friends,
I cannot find the words to express what I have to say. Shelia committed suicide last Thursday. My loss is so great and the weight is so heavy that I do not see how I can manage to get through the next few weeks. I am completely lost and devastated.

2/20/99 I am on stress leave from the post office for as long as I need, which will be at least another week. I am most angry about her leaving me with this financial nightmare which I seem to be unwilling to wade through just yet. And, of course, I am hurt by her not being here. I miss holding her so much. I miss reading to the kids about God. I miss taking her to bed. I miss her laying her poor, exhausted head down on my lap on the couch as I stroked her hair and she slept. I miss going to movies and plays with her.

We had a memorial to her on Monday and it was great. It was here at the house and her friends were all here and reemembered her nicely. I miss encouraging her. I miss her incredible strength, which she was never able to take in. She was my friend, hero, lover, and someone I admired greatly. She gave me so much. I see her everywhere; in flowers, music, the mountains, the Sound.

A friend came by today and took me on a drive to Deception Pass, which overlooks Puget Sound and the San Juan Islands. It was beautiful. Reminded me so much of Sheila. I brought back a rock for her and found a penny. So I know that she was with me.

Sheila smiling2/22/99 I hope that the DID's that read these posts realize just how painful it is for your SO (signficant other) to lose you, and how very much you matter to your SO, no matter what the trauma and problems are. Your SO wouldn't be there if they didn't care about you, and weren't willing to go thru this with you. Try to talk to your SO more about what is happening..we can't guess your pain, and we want to help in any way. So much I didn't know until she left me, and how very many secrets she took with her.

2/22/99 I still cry for Shelia and miss our future plans. She is never far from my thoughts. I wish you all could have met her. She was really quite incredible. No one can comprehend her suicide; of course, that is before I tell them the REAL story of her life. Imagine, A DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) fooling the whole world so well that they think she was a functional monomind who just kinda went crazy from stress one night.


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Last Updated: 09 April 2016
Reviewed by Harry Croft, MD

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