Raising a child is hard enough. Having a child with an addiction can be a living hell; a nightmare of constant heartache and worry.
This week, on the HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show, we’re focusing on parents of addicts - what they do right, wrong, and how to draw the line in helping an addicted child (teen or adult). Our guest is Catherine Patterson-Sterling, MA, RCC and Director of Family Services for the Sunshine Coast Health Center in British Columbia, a men’s drug and alcohol treatment center. In this capacity, Cathy provides families of substance abuse clients the support they need from the moment of the crisis before entering treatment through to their entry into family programming and beyond.
In addition to being a clinical counselor, Cathy is the author of Rebuilding Relationships In Recovery: A Guide To Healing Relationships Impacted By Addiction (2004) and Fingers On The Ledge: Healing The Lives Of High Functioning People With Addictions (2008).
Cathy responded via email to a few questions on parents of addicts prior to her interview on the HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show:
1) What is the most difficult or frustrating part of your job working with families impacted by addiction?
The most challenging part of working with families impacted by addiction is that family members of substance-affected people love the people with addictions who are spiraling out of control with drugs and alcohol and out of this care, they will often jump in and try to fix the problems of these individuals with addictions. Such a rescuing cycle can be problematic because rather than confronting people with the addictions, family members will often try and figure out ways to help their addicted loved ones solve money problems or other issues related to the drinking or drug-using. People with addictions need to feel the negative consequences of their actions related to their choices of abusing drugs and alcohol. Some families are so scared of saying or doing the wrong thing that they will not confront the problem and instead focus on solving problems associated with the addiction instead.
2) What are one or two destructive things that families do in coping or dealing with the family member with an addiction?
Some families jump in and try to fix all of the problems with the fall-out from someone’s addiction. For example, they will pay off drug debts, give their addicted family member money for food knowing that other money will be used for drugs, make excuses for addicted people’s behaviors and so on. People with addictions need a caring confrontation so that family members challenge their addicted loved ones to see there is a problem and to get help for the addiction. A positive thing that families realize over time, is that the addiction will not magically get better by itself and the sooner family members challenge their addicted loved ones to get help, the better.
3) What is the role of family members in helping another family member who is an addict?
Family members need to stop worrying about doing or saying the wrong thing and instead confront their addicted loved one in a caring way. This is like holding up a mirror. Family members can say: “What I am seeing is….” as they describe the problem they are witnessing. For example, “Henry, I love you and I am worried. I see you drinking every weekend and struggling to make it to work. You are drinking a lot and driving everywhere. I think you are out of control and you do not have to live this way. You need to get help. Here is the number of a place to get support.” Often addicted people will make excuses for their behavior and this is called “minimizing.” Families do not have to “suffer in silence” and they can ring the alarm bell in their relationships with people with addictions so that they can get the help they need. In the long run, so many of my clients are grateful that the ringing of this alarm bell saved their lives.
Share Your Thoughts or Experiences About Having a Child with a Substance Abuse Problem
We invite you to call us at 1-888-883-8045 and share your experience in dealing with a child (teen or adult) who’s an addict. How has it made you feel? How do you react to it? What tools have you found to be effective. (Info on Sharing Your Mental Health Experiences here.) You can also leave comments below.
A common problem every parent faces is how to assess and deal with behavior problems in children. Unfortunately, kids don’t come with a manual and most of us learn parenting skills from our own parents and how they raised us. Sometimes, that’s not enough when you’re dealing with a child who presents special parenting challenges.
Labels like disobedient, difficult or bad are used to describe these children with behavior problems. They’re challenging temperaments often provoke negative reactions in parents, which tend to make the behaviors worse over time.
Negative Parenting Habits
Many parents react to these difficult children with ineffective or inconsistent discipline and research has shown that the following parenting habits can lead to a cycle of bad behavior by both child and parents.
Parents model bad behavior and the child learns bad behavior.
Parents reinforce bad behavior, sometimes unintentionally. For example, laughing when the child curses because they think it’s cute or funny.
Punishing the child out of anger or using harsh punishment. These can also create resentment in the child.
Escalating of emotions, where the child and parent become increasingly aggressive with each act of bad or challenging behavior. Equally as unproductive, the parent finally gives in to the child’s demands.
So how can you effectively manage your child’s behavior problems?
Dealing with Challenging Children
Our guest on this week’s HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show is known as “The Parent Coach.” Dr. Steven Richfield has successfully worked with countless children and parents for over two decades, focusing his work as a child psychologist on child development, parent education, and the emotional problems of childhood. The product of his work, based in part on his experiences as the father of two boys, has culminated in an innovative approach to parenting. He has developed the concept of the “parent coach,” publishing a book, coloring book, and an innovative set of Parent Coaching Cards. (Dr. Richfield addresses parenting and child behavior issues in articles on HealthyPlace.com)
how to assess whether your child has a serious behavior problem that warrants professional help
strategies for managing and overcoming difficult behavior in children
why it’s important to change from being “parent cop” to “parent coach”
You can watch the show by clicking the “on-demand button on the player.
Share Your Thoughts or Experiences About Parenting Children with Behavior Problems
We invite you to call us at 1-888-883-8045 and share your experience in dealing with behavior problems in children. How has it made you feel? How do you react to it? What parenting tools have you found to be effective. (Info on Sharing Your Mental Health Experiences here.) You can also leave comments below.
Articles on Child Behavior
Here are some articles on child behavior and working with children who have behavior problems.
I am 59 years old and am a corporate trainer, executive coach, keynote speaker, and founder of Kivler Communications in 1994.
How Can I Be Depressed?
I first noticed depression symptoms in the spring of 1990. At the time, I was a part-time college professor, with three healthy children, a loving husband, a beautiful home, and money in the bank when clinical depression (aka major depression) grabbed me and brought me to my knees. When I was finally diagnosed with clinical depression, I asked how can I be depressed? We knew about situational depression, but very little about clinical depression.
Hospitalization for Suicidal, Psychotic Depression
The psychiatrist prescribed an antidepressant; however, my depression already had the best
of me and within a couple of weeks I was suicidal and psychotic (read: psychotic depression) . My first hospitalization lasted 38 days.
For the first 25 days, I was given a cocktail of depression medications without relief. At that point, ECT was recommended. Like most individuals ECT (electroconvulsive therapy aka shock therapy) brought up a visualization that I wasn’t willing to think about. My first response was, “No way!” However, after another week, I was convinced to at least give ECT a try. ECT was and is my silver bullet to recovery.
Today some 19 years later, the “beast” has brought me to my knees four times. Each
requiring hospitalizations and more ECT treatments. (over 50 combined) In spite of my mental
health history with clinical depression, I am a high-functioning individual when in recovery.
Through my work in my division, Courageous Recovery, I am reaching out to healthcare
professionals, loved ones, and consumers putting the face of hope on both clinical depression
and ECT.
It has been 10 years since my last major bout with clinical depression. I firmly believe
that I have remained in recovery because I am committed to my wellness plan—medication,
counseling, as well as making some major life style changes including: exercise (4 to 5 times per week)
Ed Note: This article on ECT was written by Carol Kivler, our guest on the HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show on February 24, 2010. After this date, you can watch our interview with Carol Kivler “on-demand.”
Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) is a treatment for depression and other psychiatric disorders. One source of information for this essay is the article in Psychiatric Services in the September 2001 issue, entitled “Electroconvulsive Therapy.” ECT treatment is administered by trained professionals in a medical setting. Usually a psychiatrist and an anesthesiologist are present. While I am not a provider of ECT, I have referred patients with depression for this treatment. I refer patients for ECT when other types of treatment have been ineffective in treating a mood disorder. This is a particularly attractive option in persons with severe, recurrent depression who are at risk for suicide. Other types of treatments for depression include medications and psychotherapy.
How Does ECT Work?
With electroconvulsive therapy, a patient goes through a seizure. The seizure will usually last for one minute. The patient is given anesthesia and muscle relaxants just prior to the procedure. A patient usually receives up to 12 treatments, given several times a week. ECT can cause memory problems, but these issues usually resolve with time. Immediately following a ECT treatment, patients may have side effects such as headache, nausea, confusion and muscle soreness. Sometimes, patients receive maintenance or continuation ECT, given to help prevent the return of depression symptoms. (Read more about how ECT works)
ECT Guest on HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show
Ms. Carol Kivler will be the guest on the HealthyPlace Mental Health TV show on February 24, 2010 (you can also watch it “on-demand”. Ms. Kivler has been treated with ECT on several occasions, for depression that has not responded to medication alone (treatment-resistant depression). She will give a mental health consumer’s perspective of this often life-saving treatment.
Ms. Kivler was diagnosed with clinical depression in 1990 and underwent an inpatient psychiatric hospitalization at that time. Since that time, she has experienced several recurrences of her illness, which have resulted in inpatient psychiatric hospitalizations and further treatment with ECT. Ms. Kivler reports being in recovery from mental illness for the past 8 years. She has written the book, Demystifying ECT. (Read Ms. Kivler’s blog post: 50 ECT Treatments: Clinical Depression Brought Me to My Knees )
Ed. Note: This ECT article was written by Susan Wynne, MD, a private practice psychiatrist in San Antonio, Texas.
I can’t begin to tell you the number of emails we receive every month from people who express shame because they are living with a mental illness or they have a family member with a mental illness. They talk about living in fear that others may find out or how others react to them when they discover the person has bipolar disorder, depression, schizophrenia, is a self-injurer or addict … and the list goes on.
It all boils down to stigma! The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines stigma this way: “To characterize or brand as disgraceful.” To put it very simply, stigma makes you feel bad about yourself. Standup comedian, Paul Jones, who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, put it very succinctly during a guest appearance on a HealthyPlace.com chat conference on Living with Bipolar Disorder and the Stigma of Mental Illness:
“No one wants to have a mental illness, do they? I know I did not. I would take cancer, diabetes, and such. If I have those, then I will have people come and visit me with food and stuff. Have a mental illness and you’ll be labeled for the rest of your life.”
The Heavy Weight of Stigma
Our guest on this week’s HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show, Cristina Fender, understands shame, embarrassment, stigma. As a diagnosed bipolar disorder patient, she’s been through it all and now blogs for HealthyPlace.com (Bipolar Vida blog, check it out). In her tv show guest post, she discusses the stigma of bipolar disorder and mental illness and why she decided to go public with her illness. We talked more about stigma with Cristina on the HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show, as well as what her life is like living with bipolar disorder and the challenge of trying to stay positive during the tough times. If you didn’t make the live show, you can watch it by clicking the “on-demand button on the player.
Share Your Thoughts or Experiences About the Stigma of Mental Illness
We invite you to call us at 1-888-883-8045 and share your experience with the stigma of mental illness (whether you live with one or are a family member/loved one). How has it made you feel? How do you react to it? (Info on Sharing Your Mental Health Experiences here.) You can also leave comments below.
When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I was ashamed. I told no one, save my husband. I cut myself off from the rest of the world and I went into hiding. I was afraid to tell my extended family because I was afraid they would turn to me with new eyes and I would be terrified of what I would see in them.
When I encountered the blogging world I knew that I was born to write about what I was experiencing. I wanted to blog about bipolar disorder so I could heal through writing, but I hesitated. I worried most about what my writing would do to my family. Would someone I knew find me online? Would my kids be taken away from me because of my mental illness?
I decided to put on a brave face and write. If people found out about me on the internet, then so be it. I wasn’t writing for the haters. I had to share my disease with the world, so some good would come of it. I wrote for the one that felt my shame and had nowhere else to turn. I wrote for the person who needed my brutal honesty. I wrote for the being that needed hope.
I started to hear from readers that they were glad I existed because now they didn’t feel all alone. I, too, was not alone. And that made it all worth it.
Please join Cristina Fender in her journey to wellness. A new post on her blog, Bipolar Vida, is available every Monday and Thursday at 8:00 A.M.
I was reading one of the self-injury conference transcripts on HealthyPlace.com about getting help for self-harm. In it, Dr. Sharon Farber, therapist and author of When The Body Is The Target: Self-Harm, Pain and Traumatic Attachments, discusses her belief that self-injury is an addictive behavior. And it got me thinking, like many addicts, do self-injurers carry on their self-injurious behaviors throughout their lives, do they face relapses over time, and is it something they manage, much like any other addict who fights the urge to return to the bottle or some other addictive substance?
The Addictive Nature of Self-Injury
From her research, Dr. Farber found that most people self-injured in an attempt to solve emotional problems, to make himself or herself feel better. “It really served as a form of self-medication. Just as drug addicts and alcoholics use drugs or alcohol in order to medicate themselves, in order to calm themselves down or to rev themselves up, they use self-mutilation to make themselves feel better.”
Michelle Seliner LCSW, Chief Operating Officer for S.A.F.E. Alternatives, the nationally recognized self-injury treatment program, tells HealthyPlace.com that “although people can and do get better on their own, many find it incredibly difficult to stop self-injury behaviors as it provides an immediate sense of relief.”
But Ms. Seliner disagrees with Dr. Farber’s view of self-injury as an addiction. “While some of our clients have been diagnosed with psychiatric disorders which may need to be managed over their lifetime, we do not view the behavior of self-injury as an addiction,” says Ms. Seliner. “It is our belief that once a client resolves underlying issues, and learns to tolerate uncomfortable feelings rather than attempting to “stuff” them, self-injury becomes unnecessary. It is also our experience that when a client gets healthier, self-injury becomes painful rather than helpful.”
Ms. Seliner went onto say that professional treatment is almost a necessity when it comes to ending self-injurious behaviors. Both she and Dr. Farber told us that if the underlying emotional and psychological problems aren’t effectively dealt with in therapy, the self-injury behaviors will continue or a person may stop self-injuring on their own, but it’s not unusual that they turn to another form of self-soothing such as alcohol, drugs or sex.
Self-Injury Guest
You may know her on youtube as “sullengirl.” At 25, Christie has been engaged in self-injury for 12 years. In her guest post, she shares why she started self-injuring, her parents’ reaction to it, and tools she uses to reduce the urge to self-injure. We go into more detail on these and other topics on the HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show. Christie also discusses her fear that self-injury might last her lifetime. Plus, HealthyPlace Medical Director, Dr. Susan Wynne, shares her perspective on self-injury treatment and a lasting recovery. Watch it Wednesday, February 10, live at 3 p.m. CST. After that, on-demand.
Share Your Thoughts or Experiences About Recovery From Self-Injury
We invite you to call us at 1-888-883-8045 and share your experience with self-injury and trying to stop self-injuring. Or maybe you feel it can’t be done. Call and tell us why. (Info on Sharing Your Mental Health Experiences here.) You can also leave comments below.
I began self-injuring at age 13, after I felt like I wasn’t understood by anyone and fell into a deep depression. Fights with my parents, having a hard time with school, and general anxiety prompted me to self-injure for the first time, because I felt like it calmed my nerves and alleviated my anger almost instantly. From there, I began using self-injury to respond to almost every emotional situation - be it sad, angry, disappointed, depressed, or general thoughts of self-loathing and body image. I felt like it numbed all of my emotional reactions and I began to depend on it.
I have been diagnosed by mental health professionals with Dysthymic Disorder (chronic depression), Social Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, Self-Injury (non-suicidal) and EDNOS (Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified). I was not formally given a psychiatric evaluation until 4 years ago. (read: Common Characteristics of the Self-Injurer)
The Effects of Self-Injury
Self-injury has impacted my life in many ways. Due to self-injuring so often during my formative teen years, I never fully learned how to deal with my emotions in a healthy way, and because of that it stunted my personal growth and understanding of my own feelings, and it also affected the way I created personal relationships, because instead of dealing with the outside world I shoved it all back with self-injury and covered up anything remotely uncomfortable. I think this directly contributed to my social anxiety issues and made my underlying depression worse.
My family members and friends have had mixed reactions to my self-injury. I did not reveal my self-injury behaviors to my parents until I was 17, although they may have had their suspicions. Their reaction was guilt, thinking they could have caused it in some way. Generally, my parents do not talk about self-injury, and like to push it under the rug because if it’s not talked about or recognized, it seems like it doesn’t exist. However, they are accepting of my behaviors. My extended family only have very vague limited knowledge of self-injury and my history. My friends all are aware of it, some of them engage in self-injury behaviors as well, and the ones who don’t have known me for 10+ years and are accepting. However, acquaintances are very judgmental so, generally, no one talks about it and I hide it at social events and in public.
I have been able to drastically reduce my urges to self-injure over the past 3-4 years by learning to talk and write about my feelings. In this way, I have become more in touch with the way things make me FEEL, and it is the first time in my life I have allowed myself to experience real emotions, and even cry and let myself be upset.
YouTube has been a huge outlet for me, allowing me to talk to people who understand where I am coming from instead of heading straight for a razor every time I am upset. I am also passionate about writing, so when I get urges to self-injure, I write anything from self-injury urge logs, to blogs, journal entries, songs, poetry or work on one of my novels-in-progress.
I feel that being open to your emotions and getting to the real reasons behind your triggers is the ONLY way to deal with the urges and reduce/stop them. I do not condone or approve of cover up or replacement behaviors such as snapping a rubber band on your wrist or holding ice to your arms, etc.
The upcoming HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show is for adult women. Our topic is: What to Do When Earlier Attempts at Eating Disorders Recovery Have Failed.
Some 10 to 15 percent of women suffer from anorexia, bulimia, binge eating or maladaptive eating attitudes according to a new study from the Université de Montréal and the Douglas Mental Health University Institute published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders.
According to news reports, some women develop eating disorders in their twenties, thirties, and forties because they, too, face increasing pressure to be thin, just like their teenage counterparts. The pressures of pregnancy, divorce, job loss, and other common issues faced by adult women also take their toll.
But many adult women with eating disorders were teenagers with anorexia and bulimia which carried into adulthood. Some made attempts at eating disorders recovery in their younger years and for a myriad of reasons, the recovery attempt either didn’t work out or didn’t last.
Now, in adulthood, these same women wonder whether they can be successful at eating disorders treatment.
In her interview on the HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show this week, Ms. Poppink defines what true recovery from an eating disorder really means and emphasizes that recovery can take place at any age.
Based in Los Angeles, California, Ms. Poppink says “over the years I’ve seen many people emerge from despair into a more full and fulfilling life.” At this point, if you’ve lived with anorexia, bulimia or binge eating, you may be thinking: “That’s impossible!”
Ms. Poppink swears it’s not, but during the show, she does discuss what it really takes to recover from an eating disordered life. Are you ready? Watch the HeathyPlace Mental Health TV Show on-demand.
Share Your Thoughts or Experiences About Eating Disorders Treatment and Recovery
We invite you to call us at 1-888-883-8045 and share your experience with eating disorders treatment or trying to recover from an eating disorder like anorexia, bulimia or binge eating. Or maybe you feel it can’t be done. Call and tell us why. (Info on Sharing Your Mental Health Experiences here.) You can also leave comments below.
We get a lot of email at HealthyPlace.com every month. I mean a real lot - thousands of emails. Besides answering emails to help people, I sift through them to gauge what’s on people’s minds. One topic that comes up frequently is alternative, natural, complementary treatments for depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, schizophrenia — well just about every mental health condition out there.
A significant number of people who write us about alternative mental health treatments are interested because they don’t like the side-effects of antidepressants, antipsychotics, antianxiey, or ADHD medications and are hoping that natural remedies, like herbs or supplements, or some alternative therapies such as neurofeedback or yoga will do the trick and relieve their unpleasant psychiatric symptoms.
As a rule of thumb, we usually point people to pertinent information on our site and encourage them to share that information and their concerns with their doctor. I guess it’s not too surprising when they write back and say all their doctor believes in is psychiatric medication and psychotherapy. And that’s the rub, says our guest on this week’s HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show.
Getting Doctors to Believe in Alternative Mental Health Treatments
Dr. Patricia Gerbarg is an Assistant Clinical Professor in Psychiatry at New York Medical College and a Harvard Medical School graduate (1975). Her research focuses on mind-body practices to enhance recovery from mass disasters, particularly the 9/11 World Trade Center Attacks, the Southeast Asia tsunami, and wartime events. She has lectured on integrative treatments in psychiatry at meetings of the American Psychiatric Association, the American Anxiety Disorders Association, the International Combat and Military Stress Conference, and many other medical conferences. She desparately wants to educate doctors in the U.S. about the value and effectiveness of complementary and alternative treatments in mental health care.
As you’ll see on this week’s HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show, Dr. Gerbarg isn’t saying throw away the psychiatric medications. She maintains that based on 30 years of research and clinical experience, there are safe, effective treatments for a wide range of mental health challenges like anxiety, PTSD, depression, bipolar disorder, ADHD, and schizophrenia, as well as various medical conditions and that mental health patients can benefit from them.
Watch the show here. And Dr. Gerbarg’s award-winning book, How to Use Herbs, Nutrients, and Yoga in Mental Health Care,is available here. The book is written for consumers and clinicians. Dr. Gerbarg says it “presents research evidence and guidelines for Integrative Treatments, inexpensive solutions that give the best results with the fewest side effects.” A guide to finding high quality supplements is included. Dr. Gerbarg is also offering our viewers her free newsletter on Integrative Psychiatry available by signing up on her website.
Share Your Thoughts or Experiences with Alternative Treatments for Mental Health
We invite you to call us at 1-888-883-8045 and share your experience with alternative mental health treatments or your thoughts about them. Or maybe you’re a non-believer. Call and tell us why. (Info on Sharing Your Mental Health Experiences here.) You can also leave comments below.
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