Anger

Strong emotions are natural when your suspicions are confirmed by a diagnosis of a brain disorder. Realize that anger can be destructive to other members of the family as well as to yourself. Your relative will also sense a more stressful environment.

When anger or grief are overwhelming, release these emotions in as harmless a way as possible, away from your family. This release may take the form of vigorous physical activity. One relative bought an old punching bag from a boxing gymnasium and hung it in his garage. Another would drive to a quiet spot and scream as loud as she could for several minutes to release the built up tension. A third relative enjoyed squash and would force himself to go to the squash court and play at times of anxiety. Some relatives simply go out for a long walk or run. Everyone should experience the release of tears, the body's own way of reducing tension.

None of us is perfect, so from time to time anger will spill over when you are caring for a sick relative and you will raise your voice in frustration. Many things that are said in anger are bitterly regretted afterwards. Try to maintain some control.

Acceptance

Accepting illness is often looked on as proof that you are not going to fight against it. It suggests resignation. Those who have been diagnosed quite naturally often feel that they are unable to accept the diagnosis.

Coming to terms with a brain disorder means knowing the stigma and fear with which society has surrounded it. If you accept what people say about the possible long-term nature of the illness, then hopes and dreams for the future are in jeopardy. Families sometimes continue to seek the same goals for their relatives, despite the limitations that the illness may impose on them. Not only the person, but also his family has to come to terms with the degree of disability imposed by the symptoms of schizophrenia, while still maintaining hope for the future.

When this is done, small measures of recovery can give rise to optimism and pleasure. This takes time. You may understand that you must accept what has happened, but actually feeling acceptance will be a long process. Knowledge can help family understand and begin to accept. Read the very good books available (see our book list). Accepting does not mean giving up hope. It means that you reduce the frustrations which stem from unrealistic objectives.

Happiness

Even happy moments are difficult to enjoy. Sometimes it seems as if there are no happy moments. We are so busy seeing to the needs of our relative that we are worn out. Families have found that by putting parts of their lives into what one could call "compartments," they are able to feel some happiness. Thus, they force themselves not to worry about what might happen tomorrow so that they may enjoy a happy event today.

A sense of humour has helped many a family through difficult times. Laughter is therapeutic as long as you are all laughing together. Periodic breaks away from your relative will "recharge you batteries." Parents may have always shared holidays before. If this is not possible now, each family member must have recreational time free from worry.

Caring

Sometimes a care giver tries to compensate for what she/he has lost in his relative by becoming over protective. Personal pain is assuaged by the total management of the relative's life. The person, often the mother, becomes dependent on the caring role, in some cases treating an adult son or daughter like a child. This is not only destructive to the care giver, it is also stressful to the person with schizophrenia. The motto should be "Moderation in Caring."

Knowledge

The more you learn about schizophrenia the more you will realize that you are far from being alone. The major mental illnesses are thought to have a prevalence of 5% (United States National Institute of Mental Health statistics). Schizophrenia itself has a lifetime prevalence of 1 in 100. Your knowledge will arm you against any ignorance you meet. You will feel satisfaction in being able to impart the knowledge you have learned.

Making Adjustments

When serious illness hits a family all the usual, well known behaviours of all the members are upset. Everyone has to adjust to the new reality. Because schizophrenia is a disease so closely associated with feelings and perceptions it is all the more important that the family react without too much display of emotion. It is also important that the person with the disorder does not feel abandoned because everyone is so perplexed. Quiet reassurances of love and respect are needed between all members of the family.

next: Schizophrenia: How Should One Behave?