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Tag >> healthyplace
There's no way on earth we'll have any chance, at all, of successfully managing our disorder if we can't own up to, embrace, and engage that from which we're suffering. And we have to acknowledge that this suffering has legitimate biological and psychological foundations. If we can't bring ourselves to own our suffering and disease, why would we be motivated to do anything about it? I can't tell you the number of emails I've received from new clients who proclaim a clear acknowledgment of suffering, and suffering very badly. But when it comes to admitting they suffer from a recognized, legitimate, certified, registered, or however you want to "officialize" it disease, that becomes a little tough for them to do. Perhaps that's because they've been programmed to believe any malady involving the mind is a matter of no major consequence and can be easily shaken off by living one's life in accordance with these useless philosophical statements... "Come on, there's nothing wrong with you, just toughen up." "Dude, pull yourself together, okay?" "Hey, pull up those bootstraps and get going." Any of those bits of "inspiration" sound familiar? Perhaps they think they're inherently weak and this bit of panic and anxiety folly is an automatic, given their faulty self-assessment. Or perhaps if one acknowledges a problem exists, one would then be obliged to put forth the effort toward doing something about it; and the motivation and energy, well, just aren't there. Regardless, there are lots of folks out there suffering from a variety of unfortunate situations who just don't want to admit they have a real problem. And, unfortunately, until they do life isn't going to be getting a whole lot sweeter any time soon. I mean, it's the same for people who abuse alcohol, drugs...anything. Until one admits there's a problem, nothing positive will be done about it. And until we readily admit we suffer from panic and anxiety, very real illnesses, we'll never effectively manage them. And that won't make for a whole lot of comfort anytime soon. Stop by our blog... panicattackology.net
It has been almost a month since I first started chatting on healthyplace.com. Some of the stories really broke my heart. I wanted too much to help. I kept thinking about the healthyplace too often. And then a few days ago I realized that even such a lovely place as healthyplace can turn into an unhealthyplace, if I overdo it. So I took a few days off. I have had a most wonderful weekend.
On Saturday me and my husband drove to the Adratic Sea. We had been invited by an old friend of mine to participate in olive-harvest at her parents' olive-farm. The farm is situated on high terraces above the coast. The view of the sea and the calming autumn colors on the terraces behind the coastline was magnificent. To me the most astonishing plant is the ruj-shrub. The color of its leaves ranges from yellow over orange to red. The flowing pallet of these warm colors shimmering in the distance made me feel very alive and full of love for the wonders of nature. And of course also the warm colors of various plants growing on the farm among the olive-trees gave the day a touch of magic. The red vine leaves contrasted the greyish-green olive leaves. We could taste delicious mandarin oranges and take some wild lemon fruits for decoration to our homes. The intense orange color and the special taste of kaki fruits added another color to the pallet and a taste to the day. And not to speak of the red pomegranate fruits and all the wonderful flowers ranging from yellowish-white chrysanthemum over orange tagetes to red bougainvillea.
Compared to this colorful autumn scene the company was even more fine. We would joke the whole day while picking olives. We had a lot of breaks with delicious traditional food ranging from vegetable stew over pickled adriatic fish and Bosnian salty cream cheese to a large variety of cakes. The owners of the farm took really good care of us. We picked over 500 kg of olives and are looking forward to taste the olive oil when it is ready.
I discovered something new about myself this day. Due to all these years of digging into my subconsciousness, into my past and of analysing my thinking patterns and relationships I somehow lost the capability to just chat on the way. So on occasions like these I am re-learning the small talk techniques. I am getting back the feeling for »not going too deep«. When a person changes the subject for example I try not to drag them back. Or for example I don't tell somebody I have just met that I have schizoaffective disorder. I tell them about it if the conversation leads to it. I try to make it casual, not a big thing to announce. Boasting about it or hiding it for any price are just too extremes of not being able to accept it as something very casual. Accepting this illness was crucial for me.
You can check the newly uploaded photos for those little wild lemon fruits decorating my shelf now.
Far and away the most commonly practiced psychotherapy for panic disorder and anxiety is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). But I'd like to discuss its predecessor, rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). REBT was developed in the mid-1950's by clinical psychologist, Albert Ellis, Ph.D., who many consider the grandfather of CBT. Very basically, here's REBT in model format... A = Activating Event
B = Belief System of the Individual
C = Consequences of Emotion and Behavior Dr. Ellis proposed that when intense emotional and behavioral consequences (C) occur, we most often blame the activating event (A). Ellis, however, suggests the real culprit behind our emotional and behavioral consequences is, in fact, our belief system (B) - not the actual activating event (A). So Ellis presents the equation... A occurs
B = C
Instead of A = C. Well, let's bring Ellis's equation to a bit of real-life drama, so we can better understand it... A Activating Event
Your car engine smokes every time you drive it and you don't have the money to get it fixed. B Belief System
You believe having a smoking engine, and not being able to pay for its repair, makes you a loser. I mean, your family deserves better than that. Furthermore - you believe if your car breaks down, and you can't get it repaired, you and your family will be totally stranded and your lives will fall to pieces. And you'll be an even bigger loser. Things just aren't going your way. Dang - none of this fits with your basic beliefs of self and how your life should be unfolding. C Consequences of Emotion and Behavior
All of this makes you feel intensely anxious, angry, frustrated, frightened, embarrassed, and ashamed. As a result, sleep is becoming tough to come by. You even threw the remote across the room when your daughter asked you to help her with her homework last night. And every day you go on swearing at that car of yours for making your life, and the lives of your family, miserable. Lord only knows you have nothing to do with it, and aren't at all responsible for the emotional and behavioral fallout. It's always the stupid car, and lack of money to get it fixed. Okay - hold the phone. Remember, according to REBT... A does not equal C
It's all about B = C Well, swell, you've been enlightened and have become convinced, at least in principle, that as A occurs, B truly causes a bunch of C's. Okay, you've come to know that the danged smoking engine and your financial strife aren't the true problems. It's the way you think. Well that's great, but there has to be some sort of intervention available to help you change that faulty belief system of yours so you don't continue to rip yourself, and your family, apart; and make a fool out of yourself every time adversity comes knocking at your door. Ah, you guessed it, more letters... D = Disputing Irrational Beliefs
E = Effective New Philosophies, Emotions, Behaviors As the car engine smokes, and financial realities present, you must immediately put into motion your knowledge and insight regarding how your belief system causes your traditional negative emotional and behavioral consequences. Over and over and over again, it's up to you to dispute the irrational beliefs that would have you believe the smoking engine and being broke are causing all the problems. And only as you dispute what, for now, may come naturally, will you be able to develop new patterns of emotional and behavioral response to life's stressors - including that danged car. So perhaps the ultimate equation becomes... A occurs
D = E I've always liked REBT. It's very compact, making it easy to remember and use. And it's an intervention you can bring to your life right now, even without the assistance of a therapist. Go ahead - search the Internet for REBT info, or hit your local library. You'll find all sorts of goodies to help bring it to life. But don't forget - like every strategy and technique presented in this book, practice will bring it on home a whole lot faster, and make it last a whole lot longer. This is not a drill, so give it a shot.
A friend of mine loves to eat, and his food choices have traditionally been very poor. Over the years he'd become overweight, easily fatigued, and a lot less mobile than he used to be. Six months ago he had his annual physical. And though he'd always had cholesterol problems, this time around he'd outdone himself. His physician, and wife, gave him a good talking to; and he embarked upon a plan to change his lifestyle habits. To his credit, he really took the bull by the horns, and we were all thrilled with the prospects. So was he. Well, it seems as though his expectations and timetable were unrealistic. He was working hard and felt as though he deserved darned near immediate results when he looked at the scale and in the mirror. Finally, his dissatisfaction and frustration intensified to the point where he gave up and returned to his traditional poor eating habits and sedentary lifestyle. This was only two months after his lab results. Aren't we, as panic and anxiety sufferers, much the same? We hurt, and hurt very badly. And we want relief, in most cases yesterday. Who wouldn't within our circumstances? But when we don't get it soon enough we feel as though it's beyond probability, and we give up. I know it's a very tall order; however, we have to remain patient as our recovery unfolds. All too often, a few weeks, perhaps months, pass; and we believe we ought to be feeling a heck of a lot better. And in addition to being motivated by simply feeling horrible, our impatience may also be fueled by the belief that we've paid our dues and deserve a more dramatic presentation of relief. What can I say? I mean, yes, I've been there and know the angst. But we have to hold on to the reality that it took years to put us behind the eight-ball, and our suspect patterns of thinking, feeling, interpretation, reaction, and behavior have become very deeply rooted. So overcoming these dynamics is going to be hard work. And it's often not going to be productive and fast enough. But we can't lose sight of the fact that we're endeavoring to establish a whole new way of life; which calls for radical change in thought, emotion, behavior, and lifestyle. That just isn't going to come easy, and it isn't going to come with a set schedule for ongoing reference. It just doesn't work that way. Let's go easy on ourselves as it pertains to our levels of recovery expect and accomplishment. I know it hurts, and I know we want results yesterday. But we have to allow our mind, brain, and body ample time to work together in an effort to bring relief. I absolutely believe all will come together for those who work faithfully and diligently, and for those who are patient.
Do you watch or read the news regularly? How many good things, events, phenomena are presented there? Almost none. Does it mean that good things rarely even happen? So you can look around and try to make them happen. You don't need any spare time to wait a few seconds and hold the door for the neighbor climbing the stairs that lead to the main entrance of the building you live in. Neither do you need any spare time to smile to your neighbors instead of just saying Hi with a dull expression on your face.
Of course if you happen to have spare time, you can inquire in your local neighborhood whether some social institutions like schools or retirement homes or some non-governmental organisations like charity need volunteers.
I read in several books how good it feels to volunteer. So a year and a half ago I volunteered in a retirement home close to where I live. I still visit a lady that lives there every week. She is only 44, but she cannot walk and has nobody to take care of her, so she decided to live in a home.
It was very depressing at first. Every time I came home after my visit in the home, I felt guilty for being able to walk and do all other things she cannot. It was horribly tough to swallow the pain and go visit her again. I even thought of quitting. However I kept saying to myself: »You cannot make her walk again. All you can do is keep her company once a week. If you stop doing that, you are only going to make her life worse.« So I kept going there and after a few months I managed to accept the fact that she cannot walk and also has to put up with a lot of pain.
Now we are friends and I must say she helped me a lot more than I helped her. She always gives me wise advice, she jokes a lot. She is optimistic. She very rarely laments. The most amazing thing is that she - who really has a lot to lament about - hardly ever does it. She is so much fun to chat to. Which is very valuable in these days when there is no time to chat.
You're visiting a friend at his 20th floor condo. He takes you out on the balcony for a marvelous view of the city. Suddenly you feel the urge to take a flying leap. You're walking down the sidewalk and coming your way is a woman pushing her baby in a stroller. You can't help but wonder what would happen if you tore the stroller from her hands and flung it into the street. You're carrying your two-year-old down the stairs, and after three steps you want to toss her over the banister. Whoa! Am I suicidal? Am I homicidal? Have I gone absolutely mad? My God, will I actually do it? Will I be taken into custody and spend decades in a jail, or padded, cell? Relax, will ya'? Take a look at these pieces of narrative from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR)... Obsessions are persistent ideas, thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or distress. The most common obsessions are...aggressive or horrific impulses (e.g., to hurt one's child or to shout an obscenity in church). Feel any better? I remember my very first intrusive thought. I was a sophomore at Michigan State University and was trying to initiate a good night's sleep. The Grand Trunk Railroad tracks were about 200 yards from the dorm, and I heard a freight train passing by. I suddenly felt the urge to run to the tracks and throw myself upon them. The intrusive thoughts multiplied and diversified over the years, horrifying me upon each visit. Then one day, in the quest for answers to what I later came to know as panic disorder, I learned an unexpected lesson. I was experiencing intrusive thoughts. Obsessions! What an incredible amount of relief that revelation provided. Believe me, the process of identity and insight will kick a dent in anyone's anxiety disorder. You know, I remember some ten years ago a friend asked if she could confide in me. I couldn't believe my ears when she revealed she'd been experiencing intrusive thoughts. Of course, she had no idea as to what they were and was frightened silly. Think she was relieved when I shared my experiences with her? You bet she was. Have you experienced intrusive thoughts? Do you feel better about them now?
There are huge portions of stigma heaped upon mind variances. In fact, I use the term "mind variances," in lieu of "mental illnesses," to rebel against business as usual. Well, what if I suggested there was "sub-stigma" assigned to one particular group of mind variances? Let's consider a couple of points. - The anxiety disorders are the most prevalent of the mind variances
- The anxiety disorders frequently take a back seat to other mind variances, such as depression, in terms of psychiatric and medical awareness, diagnosis, treatment, and research. Incidentally, that's very odd when you consider the frequent co-occurring presentation of anxiety and depression
- The anxiety disorders are the most underreported of the mind variances, which means millions are trying to live their lives within the grasp of very unnecessary pain and suffering
- Research has shown that reporting to a primary care physician with an anxiety issue isn't such a hot idea. It seems their reputation for diagnosis, treatment, and referral isn't so hot
- I'd written an article some time ago about the role of heredity in panic disorder. I recommended that anxiety disordered parents consider the reality that their children may well have inherited their disease. And I mentioned the value of keeping an eye out for symptoms and working proactively with their child if it appears pathology is presenting. Well, I received an email from a mother who'd read the article, taking me to the woodshed for "scaring the heck out of everyone"
I find all of this interesting - and distressing. Why is it seemingly so "uncool" to be anxious? Well, aside from ignorance and stigma, I believe the dilemma, and ultimate solution, lies within our very pathology. We're so often easily frightened and guarded souls, and the prospects of acknowledging and dealing with something that isn't "normal" isn't likely to be tops on our to do list. In addition, we're so often fooled into believing our anxiety symptoms are manifestations of medical issues. And stopping by the doc's office generally isn't on our bucket lists. And foundational in all of this is the fact that seeking any sort of assistance, be it medical, psychological, or psychiatric, equates to "getting out." And that isn't a happening thing for most anxiety sufferers. Oh, let's not forget about our bottom-feeding self-esteem; which makes it all too easy to turn our backs on self-care. When I began my anxiety work, my mission was to learn, educate, motivate, and help others find relief. And I was more than willing to advocate for mind variance sufferers. Little did I know I'd be advocating for the anxiety disorders themselves.
Two of the most horrifying little goodies that so often accompany panic attacks and severe anxiety are derealization and depersonalization. Both can be absolutely crippling and take you right to the turnstiles of your perception of insanity. In what will probably be four posts, we'll discuss what these spooky phenomena are and what may cause them. Coming from personal experience, derealization is a deep and disturbing sensation of unreality and detachment from one's immediate world, rather an altered state of consciousness. It's been described as feeling as though one is looking at the world through thick glass. I mean, you can see clearly, are fully oriented, and can function; however it's like you're operating in a very exclusive dimension. It is an absolutely terrifying experience and generally leads to the belief that insanity is at hand - especially if one hasn't the knowledge as to what's really going on. As derealization presents, one becomes extremely concerned about what to do and how to find help. See, it's all about the fear of being, and appearing, crazy - or at the very least, extremely strange. Now, just as derealization is an environmental perceptual issue, depersonalization is an equally disturbing self-perception phenomenon. During my junior year in college I walked into the house I shared with some buddies and caught a glimpse of a photograph hanging on the wall of the six of us. Though it was only a glimpse, something just didn't seem right - that quickly. So I stopped, walked back to the photo and saw this person right in the middle of the picture. I knew who he was, yet I didn't. But it was me! I can't tell you how frightening that sensation was. Depersonalizaton holds the potential to snatch away your last morsels of identity and security, having any sort of concept of self relegated to the dumpster. So, what actually causes these sensations? Recent research has suggested that extraordinary and frightening sensations, such as near-death and out-of-body experiences - which I believe are in the same ballpark as derealization and depersonalization - may occur because of stress-induced malfunctioning brain chemistry. For example, a structure in the temporal lobe (lower side) of the brain known as the angular gyrus, specifically the right angular gyrus, is believed to process sensory input in an effort to aid in the perception of our physical selves. Featured in one particular study was a seizure disorder patient participating in a course of electrical stimulation treatment. During a procedure the electrodes were applied to the right side of the patient's head (right angular gyrus?), and guess what? When the juice was turned on the patient reported an out-of-body experience. Now, this research doesn't specifically address the cause of derealization and depersonalization; however it begins to point some fingers. At least I think so. Stay tuned. Much more to come...
Without a doubt, opening up has always been a toughie for me. Still can be. My issue has always been trust, trying my best to believe that those in whom I might confide will truly listen to all I have to say; and accept it, not necessarily in agreement, without passing judgment. God only knows I've always been willing to do the same. Looking back over the years, I can only imagine the price I've paid in relationships and personal frustration because of this opening-up dilemma. But when you really think about it, I suppose it's not too hard to figure out why any panic sufferer would turn out to be somewhat of a recluse. I mean, we all too often don't go anywhere because of agoraphobia, social phobia, avoidance, assorted irrational fears, etc. Hence, we kind of get in the habit of, indeed, simply avoiding people and relationships, excluding from our lives any sort of environment in which we can open-up and be comfortable in simply being ourselves. And if you're like I was, that probably suits you just fine. Right? Why would we want to associate with anyone? What could we possibly have to offer? Shoot, the very last thing we'd want to do is expose anyone to all the misery in our lives, and the misery of us. It's not like they'd want to hear our long litany of pain, much less be able to understand or do anything about it. We'd just feel like a whiner. And we sure as heck don't want to have to be confronted with the successes of others. I mean, why would we want to subject ourselves to any form of self-comparison to someone, who in our minds, we could never match. I mean, what's the point? Not to mention, because of our fear-ridden perception of the world, who could we trust anyway? And, of course, our very low self-regard bangs these falsehoods home day in and day out. Well, I can tell you from experience that opening myself to others wasn't the easiest thing in the world to do, and still isn't. No doubt, there are just so many hidden agendas held deep within that keep us from really reaching out, taking the risk of being exposed. But I can also tell you that we must try as hard as we can to pull it off. There's just too much to be missed. Now, I'm not saying we have to pour our heart and soul out to each and every person we come across. No, we just need to release ourselves from the chains of any mode of thinking that entirely excludes expressing ourselves at some decent level of depth. I mean, it's so easy for us to be quite comfortable living the life of a recluse, but I promise it won't be long before that lifestyle choice will turn into a highly littered dead-end street. Maybe it already has. Trust me, there are people out there who either do, or would, really care about us and would be more than willing to accept us just the way we are, and help us leap to the next level. And the cool thing is we haven't even met some of these people yet. We'll miss out on so much valuable release, input, feedback, and companionship if we elect to live our lives alone, keeping all of our thoughts and feelings inside. I know it's never been easy to trust anyone in the screwed-up and crazy world in which we live or have lived. But, that can all be a bad memory now. We really need to take a shot at being known and knowing someone else, baring a bit of our souls. Yes, it's a risk; but we're more than strong enough to handle it. And the potential rewards are more than fabulous. Please have a look at our blog... http://panicattackology.net
Hi everyone!
It's a lovely coffee bar I am sitting in this afternoon. Alone - for I need a break. Some hours of solitude per week are my absolute need. To help facilitate the brain to calm down. I sit here alone which is less common than sitting in a pair or a group. I write while sipping my cappuccino. Which is even less common. I look at the people at the other tables and I can't get rid of the thought: »They think I am a lunatic.« It's the self-programming of a psychiatric patient that is ON in my brain now. It's not reality. I don't actually act weird. It's just less common what I am doing at this moment. So how could people around me possibly know I have schizoaffective disorder - bipolar type. The thing is: they don't.
So after having written the upper lines I looked up again. I looked at the people in the coffee bar again and the annoying thought was gone. What a bright day! At that moment I also understood, why our teacher at the workshop earlier that day had said: »Why do you worry about what we are going to think? Now you look completely healthy. We don't care about your past. And we don't even know precisely, what this schizoaffective disorder or even schizophrenia are. Don't create stress you don't need. Don't do this to yourself.«
The workshop was about marketing. We did a practical exercise. We wrote an add for our products or services - for the business we are in. Mine went like this: »We present the book ...(title)... The author of the book Helena Smole is a young woman, who learned to live with schizoaffective disorder - bipolar type.« That's how I got to the point when I told them about my illness. This wasn't a self-help group. They were some business people I have never seen before. And they liked my add. A computer engineer even offered to donate a web page, designed for the purpose of the promotion of my book.
So as you see - no need to worry about your public disclosure. Just get stable with medication and go out into the wonderful world out there.
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