Blog Entries

Suppressed feelings & gratitude

inspired2fly@live.com — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

Some days it's harder to see the roses for the thorns.

Today was another blah one. I still haven't let the lid off of my 'container' yet. Perhaps my therapist was right. Maybe I fear getting bogged down in emotions. Maybe I fear getting 'stuck' in them. After all, before I was hospitalized, my rapid cycling was almost minute to minute. I do not want a repeat performance. But it's time to deal with them. Not tonight, though.&nbs [...]

Parenting, tough love & therapy

inspired2fly@live.com — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

'Mama said there'd be days like this...' from the Shirelle's song 'Mama Said'

Today was more difficult than normal. I had to tough love it again with my 17 year old daughter, K. She protested. STRONGLY. The good news is that I didn't fly off the handle, I just remained assertive. Plus, I told her to stop her ranting. When she didn't, I told her ASSERTIVELY, 'Stop means stop.' She did. The message was clear without being over the [...]

pointless day

2bsadngone@gmail.com — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

I try to make my husband understand by talking with him but I can't how can I , he just keeps telling me " maybe if you get more sleep or it's cause "your on it"! ha ! or "just snap out of it " he try"s but he just does not understand that I can't get rid of this blackness in my chest . pointless day!

Alone tonight

bmousie78@yahoo.com — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

This is so weird. I have never blogged before. I guess it's time to join the 21st century. It is one of those nights where my hubby is at work and I finally have some quiet time after my kiddos go to bed. My 6 mo old has been a challenge to get on a regular sleep schedule so I never know if it's safe to go to bed or not for fear I will have to get right back up. My whole issue started in 2004 with an extremely large pericardial effusion. (1100 cc's of fluid was drained and I was in cardiac ta [...]

my so called being

2bsadngone@gmail.com — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

were do I start well I'm a middle age women who has lived with depression most of my life even if everything was good in my life I just seem to be sad inside (dead) can't enjoy life, my kids my husband "nothing" I'm just sad , it is like a wave of blackness drowning me and sweeping my life away , my husband is so sweet he try's so hard to make me happy ,he say's he will never leave me and he alway's say's "It will get better hold on" I play happy all the time , pu [...]

Depression, death & coping with grief

inspired2fly@live.com — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

'Normal is not normal.' from TV show, House

I haven't really felt like blogging lately. I feel blah, a little depressed. I suspect part if it is...I miss euphoria. Feeling normal just some times doesn't feel normal(coping skills, feelings awareness).

I will continue to take my meds, though, because I know through my best friend's comment that I'm like Mary Poppins on speed when I'm in that state (coping skill, understanding self). Plus, I get hypersexual. I [...]

Surprise!

mis.vik@hotmail.com — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

Well, I got a shocker today ... found out that these blogs are so not limited to the people registered to this site! I'll be discreet and say that a special someone of mine (who knows none of what I write about, or about my disorder), fell oh-so-accidently upon my username linked to this site. Just so happens that curiousity got the best of them, and [...]

Why Fix It If We Won't Own It?

bill@panicattackology.net — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

There's no way on earth we'll have any chance, at all, of successfully managing our disorder if we can't own up to, embrace, and engage that from which we're suffering. And we have to acknowledge that this suffering has legitimate biological and psychological foundations.

If we can't bring ourselves to own our suffering and disease, why would we be motivated to do anything about it?

I can't tell you the number of emails I've received from new clients who proclaim a clear acknowledg [...]

Why me?

lysimachiaforums@gmail.com — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

I can laugh about it today, but this was a very serious question 13 years ago when I had my first psychotic episode. It seemed sooooooo unfair. My brain was producing numerous questions of self-pity: »What have I done to deserve this? Is this a punishment? For what? Have I not been taking good care of my health? How come it has happened precisely to me and not to somebody else? My class mates are finishing their studies, some are already married. Some have been already promised a job. And [...]

More progress & focusing on being kind to self

inspired2fly@live.com — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

I got great news! I wasn't academically dismissed from my program! I was hugely relieved when I got the news! Stupid BPD rapid cycling wreaked havoc on my academic performance. After going through the proper channels and working with my academic advisor, I get another chance. Yay!!!!!

And I can't believe how so much better I feel. I can focus, my thoughts aren't flying around all over the place in my head, I'm not wondering if my anxiety or irrit [...]

Favorite Shakespeare quote

mis.vik@hotmail.com — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

Alright, so this quote is from Shakespeare's 'King Lear', and is by far the most profound quote that I have come across. It is what at one point I hope to achieve ...

GONERIL: Sir, I love you more than words can wield the matter;
Dearer than eye-sight, space, and liberty;
&n [...]

The sadness is overwhelming

emilypurcell@hotmail.co.uk — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

I feel so sad..

Im trying to work through it.. Challanging my belifes as to what is REAL...

My husband loves me I know that.. FACT

I am so into my husband in everyway.. Im always touching him and caressing him.. I want to absorb him in every way, its very intence for me. I feel that I give him that alot of attention and its feels normal for me, it makes me feel close to him. However he doesnt show t [...]

Just an update...

tryfranky22@yahoo.com — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

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Insane Obsession

mis.vik@hotmail.com — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

Seriously, I feel as though I am losing my sanity, like its slowly dripping down the faucet of my being. And, like water, I can't stop it from slipping through my fingers into the drain; for some reason I'm unable to block its doomed passage into the sewers. My m [...]

Give Up My Most Prized Possession? No Way!

bill@panicattackology.net — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

Let me share a cool story as to how I came to know and understand one of life's greatest truths.

Years ago, as my ex-wife and I were putting the final touches (as if we were painting a portrait) on our divorce arrangements, I was being asked to sacrifice yet more time with, and access to, my children. At least on paper.

I can't tell you how much that cut me because I just couldn't fathom why my children (and, yes, I) had to suffer because two adults couldn't work out their differences. W [...]

Overdoing it

mis.vik@hotmail.com — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

Why in the world do we overdo it? Push ourselves, mind and body, completely over the limits of healthy being, what is the purpose of doing this? And I think almost everyone overdoes it, in some facet of their life. Myself personally, I push the boundaries whenever given the chance; push the boundaries of starvation, drin [...]

HPP

rraymond70@gmail.com — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

get HPP cd's, they're great help! www.HPPcds.com

Take it easy – take a break

lysimachiaforums@gmail.com — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

It has been almost a month since I first started chatting on healthyplace.com. Some of the stories really broke my heart. I wanted too much to help. I kept thinking about the healthyplace too often. And then a few days ago I realized that even such a lovely place as healthyplace can turn into an unhealthyplace, if I overdo it. So I took a few days off. I have had a most wonderful weekend.

On Saturday me and my husband drove to the Adratic Sea. We had been invited by an old friend [...]

Nostalgia & Acceptance

inspired2fly@live.com — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

'In Greek, "Nostalgia" literally means "the pain from an old wound." It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone.' -character Don Draper, 'Mad Men'

Yesterday a high school classmate with whom I was close friends posted pics of me and others from our high school years. I had mixed emotions. It was fun to see me 20 something years ago, but at the same time, I cried.

I saw myself back then as a poised woman.&nb [...]

who am i

mrswilliams622@sbcglobal.net — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0100

had a good day, except owen doesnt listen to anything i tell him. it depresses me, i dont know what to do with him. am i a bad parent? does he have add? i need to be consistant. aliza is just a moody preteen. i can deal with that. owen does everything i tell him not to do. and he thinks its all so funny. i am afraid someday i am going to lose control and hurt him. sometimes i feel like there is a demon in me trying to manifest [...]