Lurking at the back of my mind, jabbering away.
Posted by: Irock in Untagged on
Nov 05, 2009
Recently ive been busy helping other people, I see a need I try my best to fill it. Ive worn myself out a few times over the last few weeks, but for the most part im ok. I get upset that Im lookng after everyone else but who is looking after me? In truth my husband is. There is a Jayhawk song and the lyrics go somethink like this,
'll never be all you want me to
But that's all right
I'm gonna make you love me
I'm gonna dry your tears
And we're gonna stay together
For a million years"
Its so true, he loves me so much and I feel it but he doesnt automaticly do the things I want him to do that in my eyes make me feel loved.. They way I want it. I hear myself and I shake my head. Learn to notice the things he does in his way that show you he loves you because he does do them more than i realize.
But back to playing mother Teresa. So while im wearing myself out looking after others. We are broke and cannot afford groceries this week. !!! I know we are gonna be ok.. We always are esp as we are looked after by Jehovah, I should never be concerned but im human and often do the exact thing I know I shouldnt.
While all this is carrying on I have the voice in the back of my head that shouts above the normal trians of thought I have while running errands or doing housework.. Within a sceond or two im struck with panic.. it doesnt last long as I mentally sing la laa la laa la.. Drowning out its torments and insults. Im left feeling anxious and the thought that one day it will win and ill listen. Why cant I make everything ok... For me.
