Dealing with pressure while mood is still stabilizing
Posted by: MDC in Untagged on
Nov 07, 2009
'Pressure makes diamonds.' - General George S. Patton
I know that how we all handle pressure makes us or breaks us, and everything in between, but some days it feels like stress is coming from all ends. Sometimes I want to curl up in my blanket and let it work itself out. That is definitely how I would have handled it before hospitilization. Now the rubber meets the road as far as putting coping skills to use. I can either let it get to me, or I can step up to the plate and take charge. (Which, by the way, is not easy when you're a single parent, especially the mother of a teen daughter).
A little background to set the stage of how my daughter uses my BPD sometimes as a way to manipulate me. Before hospitilization and meds given for BPD, I had memory issues. Short term memory was pretty bad. Thankfully the meds I'm taking have made a huge difference in my short term memory.
It's been about 21 days since I began taking them, and what a difference! I still have a few concentration and focusing problems, but I can see daily improvements. Now I have what I call 'little memory glitches' as opposed to flat out forgetting a conversation I'd just had in the space of 1/2 hour!
Knowing that I was forgetful, my daughter pulls the 'I told you I was going to so-and-so's house. Don't you remember?' That was the answer I got when I asked her why she was 200 miles away, especially when she had obligations this weekend! Her boyfriend came down and he and his family took her to their family's bridal shower. She was going to be gone the whole weekend! Before hospitilization and meds, I would have flown off the handle. All hell would have broken out!
Now I have to tough love it. I called her boyfriend's mother and discussed that I want her home today ASAP. Of course my daughter was embarrassed. Too bad. I learned, after meds helped me to see more realistically that I was either too aggressive, or a door matt. Now it's time to be assertive.
My daughter even got her boyfriend's mother on board with her 'Oh, poor me,' attitude. Too bad for her, too! She should have had the decency to call me! What if something had happened to them and I have no idea where the heck they're at? Ughhhhhh.
She should get home this afternoon. What I need to do is to be assertive, let her know that disrespecting me is not an option any more, and that there are consequences. There's no more boyfriend for a while and she needs to be responsibible for the commitments that she has made! She will be a little hellion to deal with. I am NOT looking forward to it.
The trick is to try to speak rationally to an irrational being (which is what she is right now). That's a tough one. I so need to prepare myself as to how I'm going to handle this. I have no idea as to how I will approach her. It's unnerving even.
Add to that my best friend being angry with me for seeming so passive toward my daughter's actions. I know she loves me. But she doesn't realize she's adding to the pressure when she harps about my daughter. At the time I'm also dealing with conquering the flu. I have been somewhat incoherant on cough meds. That makes it tougher to talk things out with clarity and to problem solve. Because of that, my best friend keeps saying that my daughter is walking all over me. (She doesn't always. Sometimes she dramatizes the situation as well. Trying to 'keep it real.') It feels like sort of a vicious cycle at the moment. I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions!
My next plan of action is to write down boundaries, which is really what were talking about, and the need to communicate effectively (Supposedly asking me if she can go out of town when I'm on cold meds and somewhat incoherant is not a valid confirmation).
Journaling has been great! It helps me to sort out my feelings without others' derailing my thoughts. It brings with it clarity. It's definitely more peaceful, and a way to express myself in a healthy way, and to think things through, before making some important decisions; or, before taking important actions. It has also made me aware of the improvements that I've made, and some weaknesses that need improvement.
OK, I'm not feeling as pressured. I have a sketch of an action plan to deal with my daughter and my best friend. I will now seek resources giving advice on how to successfully deal with both. Good luck to me! Hahahahahaha. Bring on the diamond, baby!
