I feel so sad..
Im trying to work through it.. Challanging my belifes as to what is REAL...
My husband loves me I know that.. FACT
I am so into my husband in everyway.. Im always touching him and caressing him.. I want to absorb him in every way, its very intence for me. I feel that I give him that alot of attention and its feels normal for me, it makes me feel close to him. However he doesnt show the same intenscity for me that I show for him. He is very affectionate and loving. He is into me he shows me that but its not enough for me. I need that intencity everyday. I am being excessive?
Today I tried to touch him less. To only touch him when he touches me. To mimic his affections, maybe then I wouldnt feel so resentful that he can keep his hands off me. The only thing that happened was I felt lonly. I was angry and hurt and alone. He didnt notice my lack of attention. It told me that he doesnt need the amount of attention i give him, that maybe I needed to give him attention more than he needs to recieve it. I feel at a aloss. I dont know how to be ok with this.
I wanted to be his world his passion. (somewhere inside me I know I am)
I have alway loved more intencely. I would be wrong if I said MORE.. I dont belive that he loves me less than I love him. I just FEEL it more intencly and show it. He loves me as much and shows it in different ways.
I guess thats the issue. I must recognise the ways he expresses his love for me and because its different doesnt mean its any less. Its hard.. So hard. Some times the lonlyness and hurt feel so strong and overwhelming.
I must never forget that he loves me... Remember Emily.. Remember the way he looks at you.. His eyes full of love and tenderness for you.
