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LAG
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This is quite new to me, expressing my emotions on mental health issues about a loved one and how i am coping with it all. A few years ago my partner was diagnosed with a mental illness. It was quite frightening the first time but after phoning the crisis team for help they assured me that it was the right thing to do. At that time i had absolutely no choice, i was pregnant and i did fear for my life and the life of my unborn child then. Throughout this whole time i feel that at most i have been supportive but also at times impatient. It has been a rough ride for me personally, only because i feel mostly alone but not alone. I feel like i have done all i can to help but it is still not enough. My love i feel is wearing thin. Living with schizophrenia is difficult but one can only try to be patient and understanding. At times i feel aggravated and i tend to lash out only to have it turn into a very heated disagreement. A very loud disagreement. We now have 2 kids together and i sit and think whether or not i have just added more pressure to the relationship. My partner has been in and out of hospital since the first time he was diagnosed. The most recent time was just before giving birth to our 2nd child. Seriously, i just feel that the pills and whatever else, help a little but strongly disagree of how they treated his mental illness. I struggle each day to try and keep it together but being with someone with a mental illness plus raising kids, trying my best to stretch out one govt pay cheque to provide for my family plus bills and other things to help us get by is very depressing. It doesnt help either when i lose control of my temper and just want to end the relationship and concentrate on raising my kids. Then the guilt sets in and i just think to myself, how selfish am i to think that way when it is not my partners fault to have been diagnosed with a mental illness. If there is anyone feeling the same as i am. Would like to hear your comments. |