Reclaiming Your Sexuality, Online Conference Transcript - Why So Many Women Are Disinterested in Sex?

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

David: Are there some people out there, Dr. Savage, who just don't enjoy sex? And is that okay?

Dr. Savage: Of course its okay, if the person is happy with their life. BUT keep in mind, many people who say this, also enjoy self sex, which is another enjoyable sexual outlet. So you see, we must broaden our understanding of the word to include lots of other pleasuring.

David: A couple of site notes here, and then we'll continue with the questions:

Here's the link to the HealthyPlace.com Sex Issues Community. You can click on this link and sign up for the mail list at the top of the page so you can keep up with events like this.

Dr. Savage's website is here: http://www.goddesstherapy.com.

And now, here are some more questions:

MaggieMae: What can help in the case of premature ejaculation in a 32 male with an average sex drive?

Dr. Savage: Rapid ejaculation, as we now call it, is one of the most treatable male dysfunction. The "Stop, Start" techniques can be practiced alone, so that he gets the control. It consists of stimulating self until you feel the urge to ejaculate (point of inevitability) and then calming down until the urge subsides. This can then be practiced with the partner. Anxiety is often a component of Rapid Ejaculation, so sometimes anti-depressant medications can be helpful, so consult your doctor or a urologist about this.

Finally, men can return to pleasurable touching after one orgasm and enjoy pleasuring their partners and get turned on again. Remember, the erotic encounter need not end with the man's first ejaculation. There's lots more fun to be had.

nattygee: I'm a woman, Dr. Savage. So what does it mean when you can't cum? Why can't I achieve orgasm?

Dr. Savage: You certainly can, you are just pre-orgasmic, If you've never had an orgasm with self-stimulation, the best way to learn about what feels good is to pleasure yourself. I have some specific suggestions in my book. You can also experiment with vibrators (the Hitachi magic wand is the best to start with) and find the feelings that are best. Then you can try it with a partner.

R2mny2nm: Being a survivor of extreme sexual abuse, I can't see how it is possible for me to have a healthy sexual relationship. I have never had an intimate moment that didn't end up in a flashback.

Dr. Savage: This is a very difficult situation for you and I have no easy answers. I hope you have considered therapy. If you have done a significant amount of work on the abuse issues, then you may be ready for a sex therapist. You can find a competent one in your area on two sites: aasect.org and sexology.org.

David: Dr. Savage's book is "Reclaiming Goddess Sexuality: The Power of the Feminine Way." You can view and purchase the book by clicking on the link.

bubbaloo: How does a woman slowly build intimacy back into a relationship when she is consistently pressured to move at a faster pace? His actions and attitude tend to kill the mood, and then just more complaints arise. Is there any way to avoid this conflict of interest?

Dr. Savage: Your must build your "guardian self" which will stand up for you and stop your partner's insensitivity, even in the face of his anger. If he is behaving like a bully or pouting, tell him so and withstand the urge to give in.

Men have gotten away with bad behavior and demanding sex for a long time. Now it is time for women not to give up on themselves (remember, sex is your life force) but to represent the feminine way of sexuality.

You must discover this for yourself and then make it clear to your partner that you want only the touch that feels pleasurable to you.

David: Thank you, Dr. Savage, for being our guest tonight and for sharing this information with us. And to those in the audience, thank you for coming and participating. I hope you found it helpful. Also, if you found our site beneficial, I hope you'll pass our URL around to your friends, mail list buddies, and others. http://www.healthyplace.com.

Dr. Savage: Thank you for having me.

David: Thank you again, Dr. Savage. Have a good night everyone.

Disclaimer: We are not recommending or endorsing any of the suggestions of our guest. In fact, we strongly encourage you to talk over any therapies, remedies or suggestions with your doctor BEFORE you implement them or make any changes in your treatment.

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