Alternative Sexual Practices, Online Conference Transcript - Acting Out Our Sexual Fantasies

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

David: Here's the next question:

billthecat: What happens if we open up to a long-time partner about our fantasy and it turns them off so much that the relationship can't be saved?

Randy Chelsey: That's a very real risk. The fact that so many people, often after years in a relationship, begin to share their fantasies is an indication of how strong a craving they can be. We lie awake nights wishing for what we want - and need. This is something like the "life force," I think. It's our path, our own myth. And it has nothing to do with reason.

David: Just out of curiosity billthecat, what is your fantasy that you are hesitant about sharing?

billthecat: I pretty much fulfilled my fantasies already. I was just wondering if it would be worth opening up to a partner and risk losing something good.

dash_chance: I was under the impression that the desire to be spanked, in some people, was in a sense how the subject associated spanking with love (from childhood experiences). Is that a falsehood?

Randy Chelsey: Who knows? None of it makes any sense. It also makes it an unhealthy urge. Most people have spent years trying to figure out why they crave what they do. They buy the pornography, and then they throw it away, vowing never to think those sick thoughts again.

mayoz1950: I'm a bisexual, and I've known since high school that I've been attracted to women, too. The only problem is that I don't know how to meet another bisexual woman. I am 50 and I've had a few short relationships with women in my twenties. I don't feel weird; I feel blessed being a bisexual, but I wish I would meet some others.

Randy Chelsey: For every fantasy any of us have, there are thousands, millions, who share it. Use the computer to explore sites. The Internet is a great tool for people to find others who share their fantasies.

mayoz1950: I'm at the time in my life when I finally want what I want, and I think that is female companionship. The man in my life died 6 years ago with cancer and I feel I don't want another man now; I want female friends and companions.

Randy Chelsey: A great place to start - knowing what you want. You can have it if you commit yourself to finding this.

mayoz1950: Yes, the Internet is ok. Almost no one ever lives near where you are though.

Randy Chelsey: People can travel or move. It depends on how high a priority this is for you.

David: You might want to try some lesbian groups or organizations in your community or nearby. Here's the next question:

mschristy: I just found out that my boyfriend is gender confused. I try to accept it but I feel like it's just about him or her. During the day, he is a man but at night he is all women. I try to understand but it seems, sexually, it's all about her.

Randy Chelsey: I would support you in taking care of yourself and your own needs, first of all. Then, you might talk to your boyfriend about your concerns. Sounds like he might have something to tell you about himself.

David: In our fantasies and sexual experiences, is there anything that you would classify as not being "alright and healthy," besides forcible sex with an unwilling partner?

Randy Chelsey: Sex with children, who I consider unwilling partners. Also, sex that has you feeling bad about yourself in any way.

David: Here's an audience comment:

Tink: I am here as a virgin who hopes to stay that way and have a sex life without oral sex.

Randy Chelsey: I support you in your desires. However, I am hearing what you don't want rather than what draws you.

David: Thank you, Randy, for being our guest tonight and for sharing this information with us. And to those in the audience, thank you for coming and participating. I hope you found it helpful. We have a very large and active community here at HealthyPlace.com.

Also, if you found our site beneficial, I hope you'll pass our URL around to your friends, mail list buddies, and others. http://www.healthyplace.com

Thanks again, Randy, for being our guest tonight.

Randy Chelsey: Thank you, David.

David: Good night everyone and I hope you have a good weekend.

Disclaimer: We are not recommending or endorsing any of the suggestions of our guest. In fact, we strongly encourage you to talk over any therapies, remedies or suggestions with your doctor BEFORE you implement them or make any changes in your treatment.

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