Listen to Emily and Heather tell it and you could believe women are partly to blame for all the insecurity men suffer. Loveless marriages and resistance to sexual experimentation are all confidence-denters for the seemingly precarious male ego, they say.

"The majority of men that come here haven't been touched by anyone in a while. They've been autonomous and everyone needs contact. With men, their self-esteem relies on being sexually active, whereas a woman needs a healthy self-esteem to be sexually active. For them, it's the equivalent of us getting our hair done. They need to be touched and have some sort of sexual encounter to feel worthy," Emily says.

"And," Heather adds, "if they're constantly rejected by the woman they love, it really affects their ego."

As long as the boundaries are clear on both sides, both girls believe nobody can get hurt.

"I get a lot of regular clients and some of them are deluded about the nature of the relationship. They do think they fall in love with you and you have to remind them of exactly who you are. But most of them just feel comfortable with you and they love their wife at home," Emily says.

"They might feel guilty about what they do with us but they just needed the contact because their biological needs aren't being filled. Masturbation isn't enough."

James Ogilvy, 51, says his regular visits to sex workers stem from a self-analysis as a "borderline fetishist". Again, "happily married" Ogilvy says he has no need to leave his wife of 26 years, as long as he can keep paying for sex on the side. Colleagues at the financial institution where he works have no idea Ogilvy is aroused by, what he calls, "exotic" women. That his wife is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed English woman began to present a problem two years ago when his longing for someone "different" became so overpowering that sex with his wife became difficult.

"I find it hard for her to turn me on. We can have sex every now and then - and in truth she doesn't want it very regularly anyway - but I have developed a sexual feeling for women that look different in some way and that's what does it for me," Ogilvy says.

"We've been together for a long time and for most of the marriage we were very sexually active and happy with each other. This started about 10 years ago when I had an affair with an Indian woman at work. My wife found out and things were really bad for a while. We didn't go to a counsellor - I just ended it. But while it was happening, it was so exciting and wrong that I think part of that has just changed something in me."

With what some might view as a skewed moral bent, Ogilvy made all apologies to his wife and swore he wouldn't do it again but gave himself permission a few years later to indulge what he realised had become an overwhelming fantasy. He won't tell his wife for fear it will make her relive her insecurity about the initial affair.

"It really wasn't about love, although I couldn't convince her at the time. I know it was just about sex. Not having to stay the night with someone or woo them in some way. By doing what I do, I can get the sex with no trouble or guilt. I still love my wife."

So, an average fortnight involves at least one interaction with a sex worker. He makes regular use of an agency that specialises in "exotic beauties". African, Asian, Indian and even southern European women make the grade. Ogilvy has justified it to some extent and feels less guilty because there is such a point of difference. "If I was after blue-eyed blondes but just didn't want my wife, I think it would be worse."

According to sex therapist Dr. Janet Hall, men like Ogilvy are probably just fooling themselves. It is an addiction and any addiction is potentially unhealthy.

"One of my patients has a good relationship with his lady but he has a thing for young women. He's late 30s and he's been doing it since he was 22 when he basically had his heart broken. He felt lost and he felt abandoned and now he's addicted to it and it's cost him a lot of money over a long period of time. When it's an addiction, it's often when they're stressed. Other people turn to alcohol or gambling - they'll need a fix. It can become a stress-management kind of anchor."

Power, too, in Hall's opinion, is part of it. While any working girl would argue the issue of just where control rests, Dr Hall believes that male clients perceive it lies with them.

"The money gives them the power to buy the girl and she's basically at their beck and call. She's supposed to do whatever they say so they really get off on that fantasy that they're the one in charge. If they do a slack job, it doesn't matter and if they do a fantastic job, that makes them feel bigger, tougher, stronger, anyway."

But sometimes it's not just about sexual performance. When artist Mack Jamieson, 29, visits his regular prostitute, Isobel (usually around every two months),

he often pays his money for the simple pleasure of conversation. Oral gratification usually comes with it, admittedly, but rarely full sexual intercourse. Admitting he also thrives on the "pathetic madness" of using a sex worker in this way, Jamieson finds some romance in the seediness of the situation.

"I'm not afraid to tell people I do it. In a weird way, I revel in it a bit. I like that my friends think I'm a bit out there. In a real sense, though, they probably don't understand that seeing Isobel really helps me out emotionally. I've had a couple of bad relationships with women that screwed me up a bit and talking to her - it's like I get a bit of female understanding.

"I really think she has taught me things I wasn't aware of about the way their minds work. I've been seeing her for about a year but there's no delusion about thinking I'm in love with her or anything. Yeah, I might get oral sex while I'm with her but sometimes I just do that because it makes me feel less weird about paying for her and just talking."

But Jamieson doubts that he would see another sex worker if Isobel retires. "She's talking about giving it up soon because she is with a partner and she wants to have kids. If she stopped tomorrow, I don't think I would look for another girl to see. She did give me the number of her friend and said I should try her but I still don't see myself as the kind of guy who sees prostitutes," he says.

"When I first contacted the escort agency and had her come around, I thought I was just doing it to get laid but it just became different. My Mum didn't bring me up to disrespect women and I think there was a bit of a block about just paying someone to screw me.

"I just ended up telling her all about myself and my relationships and my work and she was just really good at giving advice. In a way, she's been kind of like a muse. When she stops doing it, I'll stop, too. It was interesting while it lasted but it's been like a sort of therapy and I'm probably cured."

Some names have been changed.

The Sun-Herald

next: Intimate Thoughts: How to Develop Intimacy With Your Partner