What are you looking for when you pay for sex?
I always ask for anal sex first; most women aren't interested in this. Oral sex is something else I ask for, which many women I've known casually tend to think is "yucky." I also want the woman to bite me, scratch me, or do other sort of wild things. But neither prostitute would bite me!

Do you feel guilty?
No, not really. I would prefer to see prostitutes regularly, but I don't have the money. I mean, sex is something I need in order to function the next day--without cracking up. It's just too bad that people have to buy it and sell it ... but we all know this isn't Utopia. If I get married, I don't think I will need to continue to do this.

Robert is a 48-year-old white collar
worker who has been married for over 15 years.
His wife knows about his fantasy of crossdressing,
but not about his visits to prostitutes.

Why do you pay for sex?
The fantasy developed when I was 25 and just out of the army. I had a girlfriend who used to dress for me in stockings, a garter belt, panties, and a bra. I enjoyed undressing her. After a year, I tried on the panties and stockings, and I enjoyed the silkiness and softness. I did discuss the fantasy with my wife and, before we were married, she used to dress sexy. But about a year after we got married, she turned to more comfortable cotton nightgowns. I asked her to dress up, but she said it was too much trouble. She feels it shouldn't be important to me. I think if it is important to me, why doesn't she care?

She was very negative about having sex after a while. I think that deep down, she never really enjoyed the physical act, and because of that I've had to look elsewhere. I don't think she ever thought about that. She's living in a tunnel where she thinks, "If I don't talk about it, I won't have to deal with it." When we did have sex, it was basically, "Let's jump into bed and get it over with. My mother's coming, the turkey's in the oven. Hurry up!" Then she started giving me instructions: I shouldn't do this, I shouldn't do that, did I touch the dog before I came to bed? It got to the point where, after I took a shower, she would ask me if I'd washed my hands. It was like throwing cold water on me.

When I went looking for another partner, I answered ads. On the phone, I would always tell them my fantasy of cross-dressing and ask if it was OK. If they said yes, I'd make a date. Now I have five or six ladies who are regulars. There's one I would love to marry because she enjoys our experiences so much and is always so pleasant. I fulfill my main fantasy three or four times a month by dressing in panties when I go to work. The time and location at which I see a lady depends on my work schedule. Usually I do it at my office, or nearby.

Do you feel bad about yourself afterward?
I feel very good. I have a right to live my life as I like to live it, and if my wife doesn't share my feelings, that's her problem, not mine. I'm not hurting my wife. I take care of her; I provide her with a home and money and things she wants. I give her presents and flowers without any special reason. I still love her very much, though I resent how cold she's been about my sexual needs. Twice, my wife found my hidden stockings and garter belts and was upset that I was still cross-dressing. She laid them out on the bed so that when I came home I would see she'd found them. After the second time, I figured that if there was a third I would tell her, "Listen, I'm doing what I have to do, and I will keep on taking care of myself."

What would happen if anyone else found out?
My family would not approve. They're very Puritanical. I went to private schools all my life, and I didn't learn curse words until 1 got into the army. I didn't try sex until I was 23 years old. I used to have a friend I confided in, hut he moved to another state and we don't get to see each other anymore. Basically, I have no one to talk to about my most intimate desires or my problems.

Why Men Go To Prostitutes

Many are married and claim to love their wives. So why do some men pay for sex? Claire Halliday asks them.

"When I'm with them, it's almost like the equivalent of having a massage - physically and mentally. There's no pressure. It doesn't matter if she's had a bad day or I've had a bad day, either. Sex is guaranteed to happen with no emotional struggle and bullsh*t game-playing. If I'm tired, I know that I can still be satisfied without having to worry about what it is she needs. That doesn't come into it at all. Yes, it's selfish. But I'm paying to have a service provided. It's my time."

That's Joe Anderson's reason for outlaying the couple of hundred dollars he spends a month on visits to sex workers. And no, he's not some hormone-fueled 19-year-old, champing at the bit of sexuality. Anderson is 54-years-old and "happily married".

He's had the three kids, got the dog, paid off the mortgage on his house in middle suburbia, has greying hair and a waist measurement that is a little broader than it used to be. He works as a human resources manager in a large retail chain. He says he spends a sizeable chunk of his working life trying to understand why people are the way they are. But he doesn't really understand himself.

"It started when I was in my 30s," he says. "When my wife had our second baby, something happened to our relationship. I don't think it was about the way I saw her. I know some men say that after their wife becomes a mother.

"I really think it was about the way she saw herself. And she was tired all the time. Just not interested in sex any more. At one stage, it had been about 10 months and we hadn't had sex. Still sleeping in the same bed and not really arguing about much - just becoming more and more like mates.