men and sex

Not many people talk about male rape and sexual assault. However, I discovered that outside of child abuse and the prison population, the gay community deals with that a lot. I would imagine that men, like women who are sexually victimized, wonder whether what happened was rape and whether they were to blame.

Rape and sexual assault can happen to anyone, including men, regardless of their race, class, age, size, appearance, or sexual orientation.

"I picked up this guy at a bar and took him home with me. He made me have a kind of sex that I didn't want. I was too scared to fight back or refuse. Is that sexual assault?"

Yes. Rape and sexual assault include any unwanted sexual acts. Even if you agree to have sex with someone, you have the right to say "no" at any time, and to say "no" to any sex acts. Rapists sometimes use threats or weapons to force a person to cooperate. It is important to remember that cooperation does not mean consent. Sometimes cooperating with a rapist is necessary to survive the situation. If you are sexually assaulted or raped, it is never your fault - you are not responsible for the actions of others.

What are rape and sexual assault?

A sexual assault is any time either a stranger, or someone you know, touches any parts of your body in a sexual way, directly or through clothing, when you do not want it. Sexual assault includes situations when you cannot say no because you are drunk, high, unconscious, or have a disability.

Rape is any kind of sexual assault that involves the forced penetration of the anus or mouth, by a penis or other object.

Rape and sexual assault are not sex, they are violent crimes. Rape and sexual assault, like any other forms of violence, are used to exert power and control over another person.

Can men be sexually assaulted or raped by other men?

Yes. Rape and sexual assault can happen to anyone, including men. Thousands of men are sexually assaulted and raped every year, and it has nothing to do with their race, class, age, religion, sexual orientation, size, appearance, or strength. A man can be sexually assaulted by a stranger, a family member, or someone he knows and trusts. Experts estimate that 1 in 6 men are sexually assaulted during their lifetime. Even though male sexual assault remains vastly underreported, the united States Department of Justice documents more than 13,000 cases of male rape every year.

"I was walking down the street late one night and three guys jumped me and dragged me into an alley. They called me a "faggot" and a "bitch", threatened to beat me up, and forced me to give them all blow jobs. It this what I get for being gay?"

No. What you experienced was a sexual assault, a crime of violence, not sex. Attackers frequently use verbal harassment and name-calling during a sexual assault. Sexual assault has nothing to do with the sexual orientation of the attacker or the survivor. While rapists can be bisexual or gay, most of the men who rape and sexually assault other men are heterosexual. Sometimes heterosexual men use rape and sexual assault to target, humiliate, and hurt other men for being gay. A sexual assault does not make you gay, bisexual, or heterosexual.

What are typical reactions during or after a rape or sexual assault?

Sexual assault or rape is almost always a traumatic experience. Sometimes a man who is sexually assaulted or raped has an involuntary or forced erection or ejaculation. Also, muscles in the anus often relax when a man is raped. This does not mean that the survivor wanted to be raped or sexually assaulted. Involuntary erections and ejaculations are normal reactions to trauma.

Although, everyone reacts differently to surviving such an assault, there are some common symptoms and reactions.

Common Physical Symptoms:

• tears in the lining of the rectum
• swelling and abrasion of the anus
• anal warts or lesions
• stiff or sore limbs
• loss of memory and/or concentration
• loss of appetite
• nausea
• changes in sleep patterns
• stomachaches
• and headaches