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Pressure to Have Sex
It may seem as though everyone your age is having sex - especially intercourse. This can make you feel that you should be, too. But the truth is that only about half of high school students have ever had intercourse. Far fewer have it on a regular basis. Many kids who have had sex wish that they had waited.
How do you feel about these reasons for having sex - whether it means intercourse or not?
- I feel like the only "virgin" in my group of friends.
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- I want to just "get it over with."
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- My partner will break up with me if I don't have sex.
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- Having sex will make me popular.
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- I'll feel more mature if I have sex.
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- I want to get back at my parents.
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
If you let yourself be persuaded by any of these negative reasons, you may not be ready.
Being Clear
It is important to let your partner know what you want - and what you don't want - before things get sexual. This may not be easy. Maybe it seems like having sex is something that should "just happen."
In fact, you need to be clear about what you want. Your partner can't read your thoughts. Talking with your partner is very important.
Are you ready to do that?
- I'm embarrassed to talk with my partner about safer sex or birth control.
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- It's easier to talk to my partner when I use alcohol or other drugs.
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- I don't know how to say "no" to my partner.
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- Saying "no" will hurt my partner's feelings.
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- I'm uncomfortable about letting my partner know what kind of sex play I do and do not like.
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- I'd feel awkward telling my partner what I like or what doesn't feel good.
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
If you're not ready to talk openly with your partner about having sex, you may not be ready to have sex.
Your Relationship
People who care about and trust each other become intimate - close. But sex is just one part of a whole relationship. It is just one way to be intimate.
How about the other aspects of your relationship?
- Do you treat each other as equals?
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- Do you trust each other?
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- Are you honest with each other?
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- Do you respect each other's needs and feelings?
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- Do you care about each other's pleasure?
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- Do you share similar interests and values?
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- Do you have fun together?
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- Are you ready to protect each other?
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- Do you both accept responsibility for what you do?
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
- Do you both want to have sex at this time?
[ ] Yes - [ ] No
If these things are true about your relationship, you may be ready to have sex.
We all have sexy feelings. But we don't always have sex when we have them. When to have sex is a personal choice. Often the decisions we make in life aren't perfect. But we usually make better decisions when we think through the possible benefits and the risks.
Sometimes it's helpful to talk things through with someone you trust - a parent, a friend, a professional counselor, or someone else who cares about you and what will be good for you.
A good sex life is one that keeps in balance with everything you're about - your health, education and career goals, relationships with other people, and your feelings about yourself.
next: Virginity: A Very Personal Decision
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