Bedroom talk One of the best ways to become a better lover is to talk to your partner and find out what they like. This could mean sitting down and discussing your likes and dislikes, but according to psychosexual therapist Paula Hall, what you really need is instant feedback.

Preparation

Before you have sex, agree that you want to find out more about what your partner likes. If you've normally made love in silence, they may feel too inhibited to respond if they're not forewarned.

Talk to me

Next time you're caressing your partner, ask for feedback. Think about what you're doing and what information you need. For example: "Would you prefer me to touch harder or softer?" "Do you prefer long or short strokes?" "Up and down, or round in circles?" "Flat of my hand or fingertips?"

Don't ask "Is this nice?" if what you really want to know is "Does this turn you on?"

Ten out of ten

Agree on a scaling system, so you can ask how much something turns them on. For example, zero can equal nice and ten can equal orgasm.

Hand it over

If you or your partner finds it difficult to describe what you'd like, try the hand-over-hand technique. When you want to show them what to do, put their hand over yours or put your hand on top of theirs and guide them.

Related Information:

• Communicating About Sex
• The Power of Sexual Fantasies
• Making Sex Exciting

next: Practical Exercises