S & M: Part of the Sexual Continuum

S & M has inspired the creation of many psychological theories in addition to the ones discussed here. Do we need so many? Perhaps not. According to Stephanie Saunders, Ph.D., associate director of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University, "a lot of behaviors that are scrutinized because they are seen to be marginal are really a part of the continuum of sexuality and sexual behavior."

After all, the ingredients in good S & M play--communication, respect and trust--are the same ingredients in good traditional sex. The outcome is the same, too--a feeling of connection to the body and the self.

Laura Antoniou, a writer whose work on S & M has been published by Masquerade Books in New York City, puts it another way: "When I was a child, I had nothing but S & M fantasies. I punished Barbie for being dirty. I did Bondage Barbie, dominance with GI Joe. S & M is simply what turns me on."

READ MORE ABOUT IT

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, Philip Miller and Molly Devon (Mystic Rose Books, 1995)

S & M: Studies In Dominance and Submission, Thomas S, Weinberg, editor (Prometheus Books, 1995)

Dark Eros: The Imagination of Sadism, Thomas Moore (Spring Publications, 1996)

RELATED ARTICLE: Whip Smart: Beyond the Boundaries of Safe Play

While S & M can be a psychologically healthy activity--its motto is "safe, sane and consensual"--sometimes things do get out of hand:

Abuse It is rare, but some "Tops" get too involved in power and forget to monitor their treatment of the "Bottom." "I call them 'Natural Born Tops,'" says dominatrix Lily Fine, "and I don't have time for them." Also, some bottoms want to be beaten because they have low self-esteem and think they deserve it. They are forlorn, absent and unresponsive during and after a scene, in this case, S & M ceases to be play and becomes pathological.

Boundaries A small percentage of people inappropriately bring S & M power play into other facets of their life. "Most people in S & M circles are dominant or submissive in very specific situations, while in their everyday life they can play a whole range of roles," says psychology Professor Luc Granger. But, he continues, if the only way a person can relate to someone else is through a kind of sadomasochistic game, then there is probably a deeper psychological problem.

The Use of S & M as Therapy People often confuse the fact that they feel good after S & M with the idea that S & M is therapy, says psychology Professor Roy Baumeister. "But to prove that something is therapeutic, you have to prove that it has lasting beneficial effects on mental health ... and it's hard to prove even that therapy is therapeutic." In mental health terms, S & M doesn't make you better and it doesn't make you worse.

RELATED ARTICLE: Excerpts from an S & M Glossary

Sadomasochism (S & M): An activity involving the temporary creation of highly unbalanced power dynamics between two or more people for erotic or semi-erotic purposes.

Bondage and Discipline (B & D): A subset of S & M not involving physical pain.

Top: The dominant person in a scene; synonyms: dominant, dom, master/mistress.

Bottom: The submissive person in a scene; synonyms: submissive, sub, slave.

Switch: A person who enjoys being a Top in some scenes and a Bottom in others.

Sadist: A person who derives sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on others.

Masochist: A person who derives sexual pleasure from being abused by others. Sadist and masochist are sometimes used playfully in the S & M community, but are generally avoided because of psychiatric denotation.

Scene: An episode of S & M activity; the S & M community.

Negotiating a Scene: The process of loosely outlining what the players want to experience before they begin a scene.

Play: participation in a scene.

Toy: Any implement used to enhance S & M play.

Safe Word: A prearranged word or phrase that may be used to end or renegotiate a scene. This is a clear signal meaning "Stop, this is too much for me."

Dungeon: A place designated for S & M play.

Dominatrix (pl. Dominatrices): A female Top, usually a professional.

Lifestyle Dominant/Submissive: A person involved in a relationship in which S & M is a defining dynamic.

Fetish: An object that is granted special powers, one of which is the ability to sexually gratify. It is often wrongly confused with S & M.

Vanilla Sex: Conventional heterosexual sex.

About the author: Marianne Apostolides is author of Inner Hunger: A Young Women's Struggle through Anorexia and Bulimia (W..W. Norton, 1996).

next: Playing Out Racial Sexual Fantasies