Self-Help Stuff That Works - Self-Help Online Conference

Written by Guest: Adam Khan

David: That brings up a good point, Adam. If you aren't sure what your problem is, do you have a method to try and figure it out? I think some of us have difficulty sorting those types of things out.

Adam Khan: Good question. You mean the source of the problem, what is really the problem?

David: Yes, that's what I mean.

Adam Khan: It takes thinking. And the best way to think is to write. Write a question, and then write and answer. Give yourself time to do this. "Thinking" is the one thing that many people do not do and it can clear your mind so fast. But not daydreaming. You can't just do it in your head because you will start to drift. Spend an hour just writing questions of yourself and writing your answers. You'll get to the root of something.

elizabetha2: What advice do you have for someone who is 38 years old and still socially retarded?

Adam Khan: Believe it or not, I recommend the book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People," by Dale Carnegie." But don't just read it. Actively and intentionally practice those principles. They are the "HOW TO" of social charm.

Drumboy: If a person has set goals several times, believing that they will be obtained, but has never achieved any of them, what do you think has occurred and what can be done to resolve it?

Adam Khan: The goals were either too high or the explanations for the setbacks were too demoralizing. You could approach it either way and it would probably change. Motivation is worth something, but if you can't prevent yourself from being discouraged. Self-motivation is not enough. That is because you won't feel motivated to even motivate yourself.

David: Another issue, Adam, revolves around insecurity. Not feeling good or sure about who we are. And that affects the outcome of what we try and accomplish. What would you suggest for dealing with that issue?

Adam Khan: Concentrate on anti-negative thinking first and master that "okay" feeling sure of who we are. First and most important, you need a purpose. In order to feel good about themselves, everyone must have a strong, meaningful purpose, and must be pursuing it. That's just human nature. It should be the central focus of your life. The thing that you come back to in the same way that when you meditate you keep coming back to the mantra. Then work on gaining whatever abilities you need in the pursuit or fulfillment of that purpose. If you are doing that, probably the problem of insecurity will vanish without ever being fought.

David: One other thing that has crossed my mind. Since you brought up the word "integrity" earlier, when you are being pulled in all directions by others --- family, friends, co-workers -- how do you end up being true to yourself? Doing what you believe in?

Adam Khan: This is important. You need solitude. It is something many of us have difficulty getting. But you need to get some. Go for long walks. Somehow find a way to be by yourself not doing anything but thinking. You cannot clarify for yourself what you really should be doing or what's right for you while you are in the presence of other people. Just their presence, even if they aren't saying anything, will influence you. That is also human nature.

David: I want to thank Adam for being our guest tonight. Here's the link to Adam's website. And here's the link to the purchase Adam's book: "Self-Help Stuff That Works." It's a great book. Short sentences. Right to the point!

I also want to thank everyone in the audience for coming and participating. I hope you found it helpful.

Adam Khan: It's been my pleasure.

David: Thanks Adam. Good night everyone.

Disclaimer: We are not recommending or endorsing any of the suggestions of our guest. In fact, we strongly encourage you to talk over any therapies, remedies or suggestions with your doctor BEFORE you implement them or make any changes in your treatment.

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