Self-Help Stuff That Works

Written by Guest: Adam Khan

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online conference transcript

Adam Khan, our guest speaker, talks about how to positively impact your level of happiness, your mental health, and your effectiveness in life.

David Roberts HealthyPlace.com moderator.

The people in blue are audience members.

David: Good evening everyone. I'm David Roberts. I'm the moderator for tonight's conference. I want to welcome everyone to HealthyPlace.com.Our topic tonight is "Self-Help Stuff That Works". Our guest is Adam Khan, webmaster of a site right here at HealthyPlace.com, and author of the book by the same name.

Adam has endured alcoholism, divorce, poverty, and what he calls "unworkable thinking habits and communication styles". He started reading self-help books when he was in high school and gradually applied what he had learned from them, changing his habits of thought. He says he became more confident in himself, less pessimistic, more persistent with his goals.

Good evening Adam. Thank you for being our guest tonight. How does one know that it's time to make some changes in their life? What benchmarks do you use?

Adam Khan: When you want to make a change, it's a good time.

David:What part of change is the hardest for anyone and why?

Adam Khan: All changes involve changing a habit of thought, and habits are difficult to form only because you have to stay with it for a long enough period for the habit to "take."

David: I would imagine that because making significant changes in who we are can be extremely difficult, it would also be hard to make them "permanent." Is that true? And how do we make "change" a part of who we are?

Adam Khan: By repetition. The most important change you can make is in your explanatory style.

David: What do you mean by that?

Adam Khan: When something happens you don't want to happen, or something doesn't happen that you really wanted to happen, you explain it. Also, everyone has their own style of explanation and that style does makes a big difference.

David: Can you give us an example of what you are talking about?

Adam Khan: Yes, let's say you are on a swim team and being timed by the coach and one of your times is very slow. So you explain it. One person may think, "I didn't get enough sleep last night." That's specific and changeable. It won't demoralize you. But another person may think, "I'm losing my edge." That difference in style makes a difference. In fact, an experiment was done and they found that the swimmers with the best explanatory style swam the next race faster after a setback, but the others swam slower.

David: So, what you are saying is that self-talk is very important.

Adam Khan: Not just self-talk. We're talking about what you say causes the setbacks. It is your world view. Your beliefs about your own power and to change it. You do not try to think positive.

David: Many people who come to HealthyPlace.com are dealing with some psychological disorder, which usually involves some level of depression. They feel like things will never change. How would you suggest they deal with that?

Adam Khan: When you feel demoralized, write down something you are thinking about the situation. Then write down what you think about what you've just written. Argue with your own thoughts. Your explanatory style has evolved haphazardly. Sometimes when you see the thoughts you are thinking, you will be appalled. You don't really believe that, but the thoughts are so automatic, you've never had a chance to evaluate them. Keep doing that and your explanatory style will change. And your feelings of depression will change along with it.

David: If you are "down," don't you think it's difficult to have a proper perspective to help yourself?

Adam Khan: Yes, it is. That is why it is important to write it down. Writing gets the thoughts outside your head. It makes them stable, solid, and something you can look at objectively.

David: Here are some audience questions, Adam.

Paco: My head clouds up when I get in my anxiety situations, and all I can do is think of things that cause a smoke screen. How do I stop that?

Adam Khan: Stop it when you are not feeling anxious. You need to retrain your brain to think a different way in those situations. Insight won't do it. You need to practice thinking differently, not positive thinking, but anti-negative thinking. Read David Burn's book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Memorize the ten cognitive distortions and then do that exercise I just mentioned. Writing your thoughts down and then checking them for mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes in their thinking, especially when we're anxious or depressed.