Questions and Answers - The Book Self-Help Stuff That Works Questions

Written by Adam Khan

Question: Are you totally happy and fulfilled? Do you ever have problems?

Adam: I don't think any final attainment is possible. I've never met anyone who was perfect, and I don't expect I would be the exception. Improvement is always possible, however.

Even if someone could, by some miracle, solve all her problems, I think she would immediately create a problem, because whether we're aware of it or not, solving problems is where most of the fun in life is. Now, of course, some people call them "problems," and some call them "goals," but however you think of them, overcoming challenges is the source of our most satisfying moments.

Question: Aren't the techniques in your book superficial? Do they deal with unconscious motivations? Can they produce real change?

Adam: Dealing with unconscious motivations is like chasing a phantom. You never know if your "discoveries" are really something you've made up or genuine. The "deeper" you go, the more lost you get and the more ephemeral and purely subjective it becomes. And often, recovering a genuine forgotten trauma does nothing to help you change your thoughts or behavior now. It may be interesting, but is it practical? The techniques in Self-Help Stuff That Works are direct and overt, and yes, they do produce real change.

Question: Have you used any of the principles in your own life?

Adam: Yes, every single one of them. In fact, that was one of my criteria for putting a chapter in the book. For it to be chosen, it needed to:

1. Produce a good result/effort ratio: that is, it had to produce a great result for the effort. Some ideas work very well, but require great effort. Some require very little effort but don't do much good. I chose the ones that produced.
2. Be simple. It takes a high degree of concentration to apply a complex or complicated principle, and I wasn't interested in those kinds of techniques.
3. Be something I have used myself and want to use in the future.

For example, one of the principles is to ask yourself, "What can I take credit for?" This is one of the six principles from Seligman's work on optimism. There's a questionnaire in his book Learned Optimism that allows you to discover if you're pessimistic in any areas, and this was my most pessimistic: I gave credit away. Outwardly, it's a good trait. I am good at letting people know how they contributed to successes. But inwardly, it is also a good idea to acknowledge the part you played in bringing about successes. When you don't, you tend to get the feeling that your efforts are futile. It doesn't make you depressed, but it does prevent a certain amount of inspiration and enthusiasm.

Anyway, I've applied the principle intensively, and it has made a difference. I can tell a similar story for all 117 chapters.

Question: Is there any "self-help stuff" that doesn't work?

Adam: Yes, there is. And there's some self-help stuff that's just too complicated or too difficult to do. I don't want to slam any book in particular, but some have an eight-step program or a long list of things to do in the heat of the moment, or have a long, drawn-out technique that most people wouldn't do. And some are just too airy-fairy to even know if it's working or not. Did the crystals work? Are you now in a higher plane? Is your aura brighter? How would you know?

I once spent six hours writing every goal I had, everything I wanted. I followed the technique outlined in the book to the letter. I had pages and pages of goals, from the immediate to the far-off fantasies. It took a long time, and didn't do me any good as far as I can tell. Goals are important to have, but time is limited. Having just a few goals is much easier and less stressful to deal with. When you accomplish those, then maybe you can think up some new ones. But having 500 goals is pointless. Worse, it's kind of overwhelming.

In the creation of Self-Help Stuff That Works I filtered all that out. All that's left in the book is pure gold.

How about a taste of the book? Here's Adam's favorite chapter on how to change the way you think so your everyday life is more enjoyable.

Positive Thinking: The Next Generation

This is Adam's other favorite. It is a true story and also a good metaphor for those of us who are attempting something difficult and it is harder or going slower than we expected.
Just Keep Planting

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