A Bearable Lightness of Being - Bearable Lightness of Being

Written by Adam Khan

It doesn't make any difference to say to yourself, "I don't need this, I want it," in order to "make yourself" feel better about it. Saying the words, "I want this," doesn't affect you much. Knowing you have the option to give it up and deciding not to do so is what makes the difference. That's why you ask those questions and answer them sincerely. You don't need to pump yourself up or believe something you don't believe.

What gives this process power is taking away the falsity. You take away the goal during the questions. The goal is not real. It doesn't exist. You made it up. You decided to accomplish it. The pressure to accomplish it is in your head, not in reality. When you remove the goal, it changes the way you feel about it.

Sometimes you'll ask those questions and you'll realize you really don't want to make your point or be the CEO of Ben & Jerry's. And that's great. You'll get a fresh opportunity to create a goal that'll give you some pleasure instead of misery or stress or boredom.

The same point applies in the reading of this web site. You might feel a desire to practice an idea presented here so you can feel better more often. I'm hoping you will. But you may later feel burdened by it - as if you have an obligation to become happier. You don't. You don't have to become more successful. You don't have to look good or lose weight or get rich or feel good. You don't have to do much to survive, at least here in America. Your mother may not approve, but you don't have to make her happy either.

You may want some of these things, however. You can figure that out for yourself. But you'll feel better more often if you keep in mind that you want to do them; you don't have to.

It's perfectly natural to think your life should be better than it is. It's perfectly natural, and perfectly counterproductive. It causes more dysphoria than is necessary. Realize that your desires are only desires that you chose and you'll feel much better and work toward your desires more effectively.

And when you realize you have a desire that cannot be attained, you can give it up and replace it with a different desire. You're in charge of this. You're not the victim of your own desires. You can choose what goal to reach for. You can choose goals that'll give you the most enjoyment to pursue, and you can keep yourself aware that it's your game so you can get maximum enjoyment from it. And by doing so, you can voluntarily fill your life with a bearable lightness of being.

The principle:

Ask yourself: Do you really need it?

Do you really have to? Or is it only a preference?

You can never look into the future to figure
out whether you will succeed or fail. The answer is:

All in Your Head

Learn how to prevent yourself from falling into the common traps we are all prone to because of the structure of the human brain:

Thoughtical Illusions

If worry is a problem for you, or even if you would like to simply worry less even though you don't worry that much, you mightlike to read this:

The Ocelot Blues