Who Needs Help?

Written by Tony Schirtzinger, MSSW, CICSW

Self-Therapy For People Who ENJOY Learning About Themselves

If you wonder if you are normal, the answer is definitely "No."

You aren't normal because normal is only an idea, not a reality. Normalcy just isn't worth discussing.

But I do have my own opinions about what is typical or average in our culture. And, of course, I have my beliefs about when people need help and when they don't.

AVERAGE, BETTER, OR WORSE?

In each of the areas of life I comment on below, I believe that:

• If you are AVERAGE, you could definitely improve through therapy, medication, or both.

• If you are BETTER than average, improvements are still possible but your costs (financial

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  inconvenience, etc.) should be weighed against the likely rewards of professional help.

• If you are WORSE than average, I think you definitely should get professional help regardless of the cost. (Read "Are You Considering Therapy?" if money is a problem.

So here come my no-pie-in-the-sky opinions about what is average in our culture.

JOY / HAPPINESS
Average:
You have some definite happy moments each day, but you know you have to work too hard for them.

Better:
Your have many happy moments each day and getting joy seems easier and easier over time.

Worse:
You share good laughs but most days you need much more joy than you get.

LOVE RELATIONSHIPS
Average:
You have disagreements most days, and most of them don't get resolved. Verbal abuse (name-calling, humiliating, shaming) doesn't happen more than once or twice a year. There is no violence or threats of violence.

Better:
You actually resolve most disagreements and have fewer of them the longer you are together.

Worse:
You have violence or threats of violence in your life, or shaming and name-calling happen often enough to be expected and feared.

LONELINESS
Average:
You never feel intense deprivation from lack of human contact (called "stroke deprivation").
You are lonely for quality contact no more than once per week.

Better:
You never feel intense deprivation and you quickly find quality contact as needed.

Worse:
You sometimes feel intense deprivation from lack of human contact or you are lonely for quality contact more than once per week.

FEARFULNESS
Average:
You scare yourself unnecessarily on a regular basis, but at levels you consider tolerable.

Better:
You are almost never afraid unless you sense (see, hear, smell, or taste) something dangerous.

Worse:
Your fears are so frequent or intense that you limit your activities because of them.

DEPRESSION
Average:
You feel "blah," have very low energy, and think things like "what's the use" three or more days in a row, two or three times a year.

Better:
You never feel depressed more than a few hours at a time.

Worse:
You feel this way so often you sometimes fear you'll stay this way.