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Page 1 of 2 Self-Therapy For People Who ENJOY Learning About Themselves
On all topics related to childhood sexual abuse, please understand that by using female pronouns I am definitely not saying that all abuse happens to girls. It happens about twice as often to girls, but abuse is abuse and it's horrible in any form. If you are thinking about a boy, please change the pronouns as you read.
DIFFERENT THERAPISTS, DIFFERENT APPROACHES
There are differences of opinion in all areas of mental health. The opinions given here are only mine. There are other competent opinions.
There are also differences among those who have been sexually abused.
Some people were hurt more than others.
Some people "split" more often than others.
Some people have only one flashback in a lifetime while others have daily flashbacks for months.
My opinions, by necessity, aim at the "average."
THE FOUR BASICS OF HEALING
Considering all factors, all adult victims of childhood sexual abuse need:
It would be ideal if everyone did all of these things at once, but it is not necessary. Most people start with therapy, then add the other elements as their healing continues.
These four elements are listed in order of importance, not in usual chronological order.
(Daily self-care IS the most important, but, sadly, it is often the last thing victims feel strong enough to do.)
DAILY SELF-CARE
By daily self-care I mean devoting a half-hour to an hour each day (not more) to nothing but your healing!
This time should be spent in any safe activity which has the purpose of healing from abuse.
It might include reading about healing, relaxing in a warm tub, attending therapy or support groups, whatever...
The regularity of this time for yourself is very important.
What Happens During Self-Care: The little girl inside gets soothed - not just by that day's activities - but also by knowing there will be more for her tomorrow.
The adult gets soothed and impressed by her own competence at self-care, and by the practice she gets at being enough for herself, and by the practice she gets at being aware of her feelings and her thinking simultaneously.
PSYCHOTHERAPY
Don't settle for less than a good therapist who feels right to you, who is willing to see you at least weekly in the beginning, and who believes in his or her own competence when it comes to working with sexual abuse.
Beware of any therapist who says that short-term therapy is appropriate! This therapist is putting the insurance company's desire to control costs ahead of your need to heal from the abuse!
(Also see "Therapist's Responsibilities" in the article on "False Memories and Responsibilities.")
A REGULAR SOURCE OF SUPPORT
The regular source referred to here means in addition to family and friends.
Just like all of the other things listed, this support needs to be very reliable.
If you live in a large enough city you will probably be able to find a support group specifically designed for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Attend a few meetings to see if the group feels supportive and healing to you. If it doesn't, keep looking until you find the right one.
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