Elissa Gough, has experienced the addictiveness and excitement that affairs have to offer, as well as the turmoil. She joined us to answer your questions about infidelity and how to deal with cheating in your relationships. She also discussed when and when not to tell your partner about the "other woman" or "other man," same-sex affairs, and emotional infidelity.

David Roberts: HealthyPlace.com moderator.

The people in blue are audience members.

David: Good Evening. I'm David Roberts. I'm the moderator for tonight's conference. I want to welcome everyone to HealthyPlace.com. I'm glad you had the opportunity to join us and I hope your day went well. Our topic tonight is "Infidelity." Our guest is author and coach Elissa Gough.

Our topic tonight is "Infidelity: Cheating In Your Relationships." For 30 years, Elissa Gough was an emotional hostage, unwilling to free herself from relationships which caused her great pain. She shared her story and insights in her book, Infidelity. Tonight, we will be talking with her about how to manage the passion and pain of affairs.

Ms. Gough (http://www.facereality.com/) will share proven ways of coping with betrayal for everyone affected - spouses, partners, children, other family members, the "other man or other woman," gay men and lesbians - with an emphasis on individual responsibility, accountability and commitment, and with the overall objective of keeping marriages whole and/or relationships healthy.

Good evening, Elissa, and welcome to HealthyPlace.com. Thank you for joining us tonight. Maybe it's a good thing to start off with your definition of "infidelity."

Elissa Gough: I am happy to be here thanks. Infidelity means different things to different people. I believe that any emotion or act that takes you away from your exclusive bond with your spouse or partner is an act of infidelity. Infidelity is not just physical. In fact, sex does not have to be a factor.

David: Then, it can be an emotional bond, also?

Elissa Gough: Yes, in fact, emotional infidelity can be much more damaging to a relationship than physical. Emotional bonds can be more devastating to a betrayed spouse because it creates a connection that's hard to break. Having your spouse love someone else is more painful than having your spouse just "fool around."

David: In my introduction, I mentioned that you had a long history of unhealthy relationships. How did you get caught up in the cycle of infidelity?

Elissa Gough: My first affair came about due to a tragedy. My daughter had leukemia and I became emotionally involved with her doctor. I thought he could save her; he became very close to my family. I felt very dependent on him. Marriages became a cycle for me. I was looking to recreate a family that I had lost. I had lost both my father and child very early in life.

David: I know many people have affairs. I'm wondering, in your opinion, is it psychologically easy for people who are in committed relationships to have affairs?

Elissa Gough: It's not easy. Some affairs are situational, some are just one time flings, while others make a lifetime career out of cheating. They are heart wrenching to everyone involved. They drain you.

They are exciting and they're addictive. It's the excitement and the passion that draws you and keeps you entangled in the web. Once you're in, you justify and find reasons to keep it going. It becomes a "fix" for some. You rationalize and avoid the pain it causes.

David: So everyone in the audience knows where you are coming from, do you feel that affairs are wrong?

Elissa Gough: After my years of experience, I don't condone affairs, but I understand how they are born, live, and how they die. I try not to moralize, analyze, or judge. I am just here to provide information and spread awareness. We want to knock down the walls of shame and embarrassment so those involved can face their reality. This is a topic that has been ignored, and when it is talked about, it is exploited. Those who suffer the pains of infidelity are left with nowhere to go.

David: I want to address this topic from two sides:

1. The person having the affair
2. The other is the person who we might call "the victim," the one left behind.

One of the first things I always see come up -- should the person having the affair tell his/her partner about it if they don't know about it?

Elissa Gough: It depends on the situation. There are many variables. Will the spouse be able to handle it, etc? Professional help should be sought prior to making any decisions like that. There are so many variables, there's no clear cut answer.