Infidelity: Cheating in Your Relationships Online Conference Transcript - Infidelity Online Conference Transcript

Written by Guest: Elissa Gough

Stay focused on taking care of yourself. Take time and sort it out. I know this sounds difficult. That's why an outside support system is needed. Face Reality is a strong advocate for therapy from someone you trust and feel comfortable, whether it be a psychologist or a member of the clergy. Avoid being impulsive.

David: Here's the next question:

abby_normal: I found out in November that my husband was having a two-year relationship. Since we've been trying to reconcile, I found out 3 days ago that he's been lying and deceiving me about her all over again. Now he's claiming insanity. I really don't know what to do. He continues to work with this woman.

Elissa Gough: First, refocus on yourself. Intervene on your own behalf. It's time you take action for yourself. I have been where you've been; I know how hard it is to stay focused. I really advocate support groups because they surround you with others in your situation. Until Face Reality, there were no support groups regarding this topic. It's definitely easier to face this with support behind you.

Don't act impulsively. Think about the consequences of any actions you are considering. If you have children, always keep them in mind.

abby_normal: I found everything out from this woman and my husband corroborated it all, but only when absolutely confronted by all the information. I told him I would postpone any drastic measures on my part until he gets help, but I am going to let him know that I am not going to postpone my life any longer and am going to do whatever I need to find happiness right now. What do you think?

Elissa Gough: It sounds like you are on the right track. Only after you've resolved this situation can you find real peace.

David: I imagine the hardest part of trying to repair a relationship that's been hurt by cheating is the trust. How do you learn to trust this person again?

Elissa Gough: It's very difficult. Once the breach of trust has been broken, it can be mended. It is easier to rekindle the love than it is to rebuild the trust. Building self-esteem and self-confidence will lead to being able to trust again. You must trust yourself and your own judgment before you can trust others.

David: Here's another audience comment:

Lauren1: If my husband found out about my affairs, he would ask me questions about every single detail. This would be extremely painful for both of us. Last April I had so much guilt that I tried to take my life. Now my husband and I are separated and I just had another affair!! My therapist is helping me, however, to change my selfish, self-destructive behavior.

bossy: You said in your first statement that you believe affairs are any emotional bond that draws you away. That must be a hard line to draw since often having a good time with another male, other than my husband, really gives me a good feeling. Even seeing my psychiatrist each week makes me feel good. If he occasionally shakes my hand or puts his hand on my shoulder it makes me feel good. Is that what you mean?

Elissa Gough: When you dwell on those feelings, fantasize that they will happen again, or desire to be near that person, that's a red flag. Affairs can start out innocently. Men and women can be friends, but it is a dangerous path when you find yourself wanting more.

David: Thank you, Elissa, for being our guest tonight and for sharing this information with us. And to those in the audience, thank you for coming and participating. I hope you found it helpful. We have a very large and active community here at HealthyPlace.com. You will always find people in the chatrooms and interacting with various sites.

I invite everyone to stay and chat in any of the other rooms on the site. Also, if you found our site beneficial, I hope you'll pass our URL around to your friends, mail list buddies, and others. http://www.healthyplace.com

Thanks again, Elissa, for coming tonight.

Elissa Gough: Thank you so much for having me as a guest. I hope the information I provided was helpful.

David: It was. Good night everyone.

Disclaimer: We are not recommending or endorsing any of the suggestions of our guest. In fact, we strongly encourage you to talk over any therapies, remedies or suggestions with your doctor BEFORE you implement them or make any changes in your treatment.

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