A lot of your answers seem to assume we're talking about heterosexual relationships. What about same-sex relationships? Do the same principles apply?

All humans have the same needs for love, safety, and commitment. Gays, lesbians, and bisexuals are no different. All evidence suggests that same-sex attraction, while rarer than other-sex attraction, is simply a different orientation, not a "perversion," anymore than being blue-eyed or left-handed (also relatively rare) are "perversions." But there are some differences:

• Since both partners are of the same sex, the characteristics of that gender may be exaggerated in the relationship. Sometimes that can be very nice. Other times it can be experienced as a problem.
• Partners in same-sex relationships must deal with the stress of homophobia, society's widespread fear and condemnation of their sexual orientation. Feeling unable to be open about one's relationship with friends, colleagues, and family can leave the same-sex couple isolated and deprived of a support network.
• Homophobia can also affect the self-esteem of same-sex partners, making the normal ups and downs of a relationship all the more difficult.
• Finally, homophobia can affect non-romantic same-sex relationships. For instance, two female friends, two brothers, or even fathers and sons, may feel reluctant to express their affection and caring for each other for fear of being thought gay.

Why do gays and lesbians stay hidden so much? One of my friends didn't tell me he was gay until after I had known him a full year.

• Many gays and lesbians do stay hidden for much or all of their lives, and given the prevalence of homophobia, it's easy to see why. But other same-sex oriented people, on this campus and all over the world, have made the decision to be themselves boldly and openly, in the belief that that is the best way to counteract stereotypes and discrimination.
• Your friend may not have felt certain of his sexual orientation when he first met you, or he may have just decided to do you the honor of trusting you to be a part of his "coming out," or his process of acknowledging, accepting, and disclosing his gayness. Ask him about it. He'll probably appreciate your sincere interest.

What about bisexuals? Are they for real, or just very confused?

For a long time, bisexuals were thought to be confused, "half-and-half" people. But there is growing recognition that while some people who think of themselves as bisexual may be in transition towards one orientation or the other, many genuinely feel strong attraction towards people of both genders. They're not so much "half" as "both" - they feel no confusion, and have no desire to change.

I hate ending relationships. And breaking up with romantic partners never seems to go well.

Saying goodbye is one the most avoided and feared human experiences. As a culture, we have no clear-cut rituals for ending relationships or saying goodbye to valued others. So we are often unprepared for the variety of feelings we experience in the process. Here are some guidelines many people find helpful:

• Allow yourself to feel the sadness, anger, fear, and pain associated with an ending. Denying those feelings or keeping them inside will only prolong them.
• Recognize that guilt, self-blame, and bargaining are our defenses against feeling out of control, feeling unable to stop the other person from leaving us. But there are some endings we can't control because we can't control another person's behavior.
• Give yourself time to heal, and be kind to yourself for the duration: pamper yourself, ask for support from others, and allow yourself new experiences and friends.

I seem to get into the same pattern in all my relationships. I get afraid of losing my partner; then we get into a big argument and break up in anger. Sometimes I even think I may have picked a fight just because I'm scared to keep the relationship going. Does this make any sense?

Yes, it makes a lot of sense, and congratulations on recognizing a pattern. That's the first step towards change. People get into a variety of painful or "dysfunctional" patterns in relationships. Often, those patterns are based on old fears and "unfinished business" from childhood.

If you feel "stuck" in a pattern and unable to change it, talking to a professional counselor may help.

next: How to deal with common relationship problem