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Page 1 of 2 Discover how depression effects relationships, your sex life and how depressed people can help themselves and their relationship. Included: how to help your depressed partner.
Depression adversely affects every aspect of our lives - including our relationships - and when one partner is depressed, the relationship may suffer very badly.
This is a great shame as a good relationship is very therapeutic for somebody with depression, because when we're really low we need love, support and closeness more than ever - even if we’re not very good at showing it.
What is likely to happen if your partner has depression?
Depressed people usually feel withdrawn. They don't feel they can raise enough energy to pursue their normal routine, do things with the family or even notice when their partners are being attentive.
This can quickly lead to the non-depressed partner feeling that he or she is in the way, unwanted, or unloved. It can be easy to misinterpret the low moods as hostility, or as evidence that the depressed person wants out of the relationship.
Frankly, it’s really hard to stay calm and confident when the person you thought you knew is acting strangely and appears to be so unhappy. So if you’re finding your partner’s depression a real pain, try to take heart from the fact that this is natural.
Being the partner of a depressed person is very, very difficult. So, even if you're at your wits' end because your loved one has lost the ability to concentrate on what you're saying, or to raise a smile, or to appreciate any of the good moments in life, try to accept that all these things are part of the illness.
Sex and performance
We don't know enough about the chemical changes that occur in the brain during depression and little research has been done on how these changes affect sex.
From a clinical point of view, however, it's clear that a depressive illness tends to affect all the bodily systems, dislocating them and often slowing them down.
This effect is most marked with regard to sleep, which is invariably disrupted. But there can be adverse effects on any activity that requires verve, spontaneity and good co-ordination – and that includes sex.
So many people who are depressed tend to lose interest in sex. Admittedly, this isn't always the case, and some depressed people manage to maintain normal sex lives - sometimes even finding that sex is the only thing that gives them comfort and reassurance.
- In men, the general damping down of brain activity causes feelings of tiredness and hopelessness, which may be associated with loss of libido and erection problems.
- In women, this diminished brain activity tends to be associated with lack of interest in sex, and very often with difficulty in reaching orgasm.
All these problems tend to diminish as the depressive illness gets better. Indeed, renewed interest in sex may be the first sign of recovery.
Sex and antidepressants
It's not just the illness that affects a person's sex-life - antidepressant medicines such as Prozac can interfere with sexual function.
One of the most common side-effects is interference with the process of orgasm so that it's delayed or doesn't occur at all. If this happens – and you are keen to have and enjoy sex – you should ask the doctor about changing medication.
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