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Page 1 of 8 Fear of rejection and a negative self-image are associated with persistent feelings of loneliness. Find out about loneliness and how to attract a person who is right for you.
Replace loneliness thinking and self-depreciation thinking with positive thinking that makes you happier and more attractive to others.
- Do you want to improve your ability to form new relationships?
- Do you fear or dislike being alone?
- Has a relationship ended and you want to feel better about it?
- Do you feel lonely too often?
- Are you too worried about pleasing others?
- Loving and taking good care of yourself is the first step to self-confidence and respect from others.
Index
WHAT CAUSES FEAR OF REJECTION AND FEAR OF BEING ALONE?
Do you feel uncomfortable in situations such as meeting new people, speaking in front of groups, dealing with someone who is upset, having to tell someone about a mistake, or divulging your inner feelings? Fear of rejection may underlie all of these situations. If you really value other people and how they feel about you, it is natural that you would feel some fear of rejection. Whenever there is the possibility for actual rejection, most people feel some fear. Fear of rejection is increased by the importance of the other person to you, by your perceived inexperience or lack of skill in dealing with the situation, and by other factors.
However, some people suffer more intense levels of rejection for longer periods in their life than other people. Deeper issues such as those listed below may be increasing your fear of rejection.
FEAR OF REJECTION AS FEAR OF BEING ALONE
Underlying your fear of rejection might be a fear of being or living alone. You might fear ending up all alone in the world with no one who really cares.
FEAR OF BEING ALONE AS FEAR OF NOT BEING ABLE TO CREATE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS ALONE
The thought of being all alone in the world is not in itself something to panic about. While some people panic at the thought--others delight at the thought. If you believe that you can take care of your own needs well and be happy even if you are alone, then being alone is nothing to fear. If you believe that you need others to take care of you and "make" you happy, then you are too dependent on others and their absence is something to "panic" about.
PRACTICE: Examine the degree to which you can create your own happiness--even when alone. Examine how too much dependence on others for happiness can undermine your feelings of confidence with others and lead to fear of rejection.
FEAR OF REJECTION AS NEGATIVE FEEDBACK ABOUT WHO YOU ARE
If your self-image is too closely tied to what others think of you or how well you relate to others, then fear of rejection can be a threat to your whole self-image. That in itself can create a lot of anxiety. If you are used to defining the core of your Self or your future as "popular," "married," "well-liked," "a leader," or the like, then you threats to any of these self-concepts may create a great deal of anxiety. Or you may view your life script as being married, having children, or having a number of close friends. To the degree that any of those expectations are threatened, and you cannot see how you can be happy without them, then you will experience anxiety.
How can you overcome fear of rejection due to threat to your self-image or life script? You must define yourself and your essence in a way that does not depend upon what others think. For example, if you define yourself as someone whose main goals are to seek happiness for yourself and others; treat others kindly, honestly, and assertively; be a person of integrity; and not worry about other's reactions to you, then meeting your primary goals will not be dependent upon what others think. Your happiness will be in your control, and you will feel much more secure.
On the other hand if you define yourself primarily as someone who must be loved and accepted by others, then your happiness will be in their control and you will always fell insecure and anxious at some deep level.
PRACTICE: (1) Make a list of at least 10 important general characteristics of yourself. (2) Examine items on that list which are "interpersonal" in nature. How would you feel about yourself if all of these were threatened at once. Could you still love, respect, and take good care of yourself and still be a happy person? If not, then try to re-examine what changes need to take place in your beliefs about yourself to become less dependent upon others and their view of you.
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