Loneliness and Fear of Rejection - Internal Changes to Increase Your Chances

Written by Tom G. Stevens PhD

INTERNAL CHANGES TO INCREASE YOUR CHANCES
FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP

FOCUS ON THOUGHTS SUCH AS THE FOLLOWING:

• You can create your own happiness and take care of yourself-You don't NEED (must have) anyone else to do it for you. .

• Love yourself unconditionally the way you are. Even though you may never be the person you would ideally like, learn to let go of "shoulds." Instead (1) replace the "shoulds" with "wants," and (2) learn that your basic self-worth begins with loving yourself unconditionally because you are alive and a human being. You can love yourself despite any imperfections and accept those imperfections as part of yourself. You can also believe that someone like you could love you the way you are now (despite any imperfections), you don't have to wait until you are prefect before you seek a relationship.

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• Attempt to focus on being your "higher self" while dealing with other people (vs. trying to be what you think others want you to be). Putting your higher self in control means choosing to think and act out of empathy and love for self and others, seeking happiness for self and others, seeking win-win solutions, etc.

• Seek those who will like you as you really are. Choose to be closest friends with those who know all about you and like/love you the way you are. Reveal your inner feelings and thoughts more honestly with potentially close friends. This openness will show confidence and acceptance of yourself, reveal trust in the other, and serve as a test to see if the other can accept you as you are. If they can't accept you as you are, then they don't make very good candidates for close relationships. (Don't be so open and honest with people you have reason not to trust.)

• If you have been successful before, you can be successful again. If you are feeling discouraged about finding someone or feeling bad about yourself and if you have had close friends, relatives, or relationships in the past, remember that at least one other person liked you the way you are. You know you can develop another relationship at least as good as one of those. If you have grown since then, you will probably have a better relationship.

• You may want to change for yourself. If you think you aren't yet the person you believe will attract the kind of person you want, then perhaps you need to make your first priority becoming that person. Focus on being the person you want to be as much as possible.

• The person you are or want to be will be very attractive to the type of person who is "right" for you. Would you be attracted to someone else who also was like you?