Facet # 5 Sexuality - Patriarchal Structure

Written by Robert Burney

Part of the reason that there has been such an abusive and patriarchal structure to civilized society is because men have been baffled, confused, and scared of women since the dawn of recorded history. Women have the power to conceive life. There is no greater or more important power in the human species. A woman's ability to conceive and bring forth life gives women an opportunity and capacity to experience Love in a way no man ever can. Men have been jealous and terrified of the power of that Love - and of the power of their own desire to unite with and experience that Love - and reacted to their fear by attempting to subjugate, dominate, and diminish the inherent power of women.

Everything on the physical plane is a reflection of other levels. Ultimately, the emotional power behind the strong sexual and sensual desires of human beings really has little to do with the actual physical act of sex - the True compulsion to unite is about our wounded souls, about our endless, aching need to go home to the God/Goddess Energy. We want to reunite in ONENESS - in LOVE - because that is our True home.

Now, to come down from a metaphysical level to an individual personal level.

The abuse of my sexuality by the shaming religion I grew up in was compounded and magnified by the shame and fear of sexuality I saw in my role models and in society. I grew up in a society that reacted to a fundamental underlying belief that "the flesh is weak" and was incompatible with "decency" - at the same time it bowed to the power of the human sex drive by flaunting sex everywhere. In advertising, in fashion, in the media, books and music, etc. Talk about confusing and frustrating.

In addition to the shame about sexuality - I had shame about being a man because of my fathers role modeling of what a man was, and societal and historical role modeling of how dreadfully "mankind had abused women, children, and men, the weak and poor, anyone who was different, the planet, etc., throughout civilized history.

I spent years in recovery working on healing my relationship with my feminine energy and my inner children before it ever occurred to me that I needed to heal my masculine. So now I have spent years also working on healing my masculine. Part of that healing has been about accepting my sexuality and the "male animal" in me. We need to embrace all of the parts of ourselves in order to become whole.

It is only by owning and accepting our "dark" sides that we can start to have a balanced relationship with ourselves. Just as I have to accept that I have a "King Baby" (who wants immediate gratification now) or a "romantic child" (who believes in fairy tales) or a fierce warrior (who wants to vaporize stupid drivers) inside of me so that I can own them and set boundaries for them - I have to accept that there is a "male animal" in me who does want to copulate with most every attractive woman I see. By owning that part of me I can set a boundary for it so that I am not reacting in a way that causes me to be a victim of myself or to victimize someone else.

It is not shameful to be human. It is not shameful to have a sex drive. It is not shameful to have emotional needs. Human beings need to be touched. Way too many of us are starving for touch and affection - and we have acted out sexually in dysfunctional ways to try to get those needs met which often causes us to be bitter and resentful (at the bottom of any resentment is the need to forgive ourselves.) In our codependent extremes we swing between picking the wrong people and isolating ourselves. We believe - because of our experience in reacting out of our disease - that the only choices are between an unhealthy relationship and being alone. It is tragic and sad.

It is tragic and sad that we live in a society where it is so hard for people to connect in a healthy way. It tragic and sad that we live in a society where so many people are touch deprived. But it is not shameful. We are human. We are wounded. We are products of the cultural environments we were raised in. We need to take the shame out of our relationship with our selves, and all the parts of our self, so that we can be healing our wounds enough to be able to make responsible choices. (re - sponse - able, as in ability to respond instead of just react our of old tapes and old wounds.)"

"About Jesus & Mary Magdalene -Jesus, sexuality, & the bible"

So males of the species are genetically programmed to go around wanting to couple indiscriminately with females of the species - while females of the species are genetically programmed to want to bond to one man to produce children and then to protect and provide for her and her children.

Genetic programming that is thousands of years out of date and unnecessary. We are set up by outmoded genetic programming - on top of the cultural dysfunctional programming.

In regard to the inner child healing this male animal usually shows up in a horny teenager - who is aided and abetted in being willing to do anything to get laid by affection and touch starved younger ages, and the romantic - which in emotionally stunted men often takes on a romantic vision of self that has nothing to do with a connection with the Princess. In other words, he wants to see himself as this macho woman killer to fulfill his romantic fantasy of himself but it really doesn't have to do with a human emotional connection or intimacy - because he is incapable of it.

In women this genetic set up can result in a woman keeping a man around for the illusion of having a male protector and supporter. I have worked with many women who not only didn't need to be protected and supported by a man, but they in fact were providing the bulk of the support for the man. In the inner work the maiden within - who is very romantic and believes in fairy tales - is the part of themselves that women can set a boundary with so that they do not unconsciously buy into the set up of the genetic programming.

next: Facet # 6 - Metaphysical