Dealing with the Feelings of Jealousy - Is Jealousy Ruining Your Relationships?

Written by Gary van Warmerdam

There are other problems with this approach.

1. The man's belief that he is the Projected Image is undermined by his belief that he is not "good enough." The Hidden Image beliefs create the feeling of unworthiness. Being perfect may compensate at times, but the feeling of unworthiness will seep through until the Hidden image is dealt with.

2. Even when the man pulls off being the perfect Projected Image, the Hidden Image beliefs will have part of him feeling like a fraud. According to the Hidden image beliefs he is not really "Perfect" and he is not "Worthy." He will feel inauthentic because of these conflicting beliefs. The feeling of being a fraud often happens when his successes are being praised by others. The more success and recognition he receives that fits the Projected Image, the more pronounced the Hidden Image push up doubts in his mind.

He can not be in Emotional Integrity as long as he associates his identity with one or more conflicting images in his mind.

3. The man's efforts at controlling his emotion will have him continually on guard against an outburst of jealousy and anger. This "on guard" feeling is born out of fear that at any moment he may fall and emotion will overtake his attention. This feeling of fear not only wears on a person, but represses emotion and doesn't allow for feeling authentic Love and Happiness.

4. Building strong positive beliefs and a positive self image can help to diminish the reaction side, but to a limited extent. It is a patch that can help for some but still bases identity in a false image and not in authenticity and integrity. It does not do anything to address the emotions that come from the Hidden Images or beliefs of unworthiness that are at the core of the behavior. These often become buried in the sub-conscious and resurface later during times of stress when they are most destructive, and we are least able to deal with them.

Emotion and False Beliefs Drive the Behavior

When one looks at the behavior of jealousy and anger as a means to control and keep someone, the behavior doesn't make sense. Anger and jealousy will not endear someone to be closer to us. The man in the situation can often look at his own behavior and see that it doesn't make sense. He can see the woman withdraw from him as a result of his behavior. Yet seeing the result and knowing this intellectually does not change the dynamics of his behavior. Why?

His behavior is not driven by thinking, logic or intellectual knowing. Therefore it can not be changed by these modalities. It is driven by Beliefs, False Images, Point of View, and Emotion. If we are to change our behavior, we must address these fundamental elements in a manner different than plain intellect and logic. Why use an approach different than intellect and logic? The Inner Judge will use intellect and logic to create judgments and reinforce the existing false beliefs.

A Path with Results

Changing beliefs, emotional reactions, and destructive behaviors is through mastering your point of view, attention, and dissolving the false beliefs in your mind. When you learn to shift your Point of View you can literally move your self out of a Belief and out of an emotion. From a new point of view you will have the awareness to see the faulty logic of the beliefs behind the behavior. With the awareness of the false beliefs behind your actions you will be able to refrain from destructive behavior. Eliminating the false beliefs eliminates the triggers of your emotions. It is the elimination of the false beliefs that will dissolve the fear.

If you have enough desire to change a jealous and angry behavior you will eventually have to do more than study the problem. You will have to take action. I suggest beginning with the free audio sessions. Listen to the information and practice the exercises for a few days each and see what you learn. You can sign up for free. No credit card information is necessary.

More about the author, Gary van Warmerdam

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