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I specifically remember an incident in High School where my fellow team members tried to teach me that “unhappiness is a sign of caring”. Our senior women’s basketball team was in the state finals. It was the last game of the tournament and if we won, we would be state champions. We lost. The scene was in the women’s locker room after the game. I was sitting in front of my locker, head down, thinking of all the mistakes we had made, what I could have done differently, and feeling very disappointed. There were a few girls quietly crying in the corners, being consoled by other team members. There was no laughter and no discussions. The environment was a very somber, much like a funeral.
I distinctly remember thinking to myself... “hey, wait a minute, the game is OVER. There’s nothing I can do to change that. What’s the point of feeling miserable about it?” And I started thinking about all the things I had to look forward to.
My mood changed almost instantly. I felt happy and ready to go on with my life. I stood up, started changing out of my uniform, and began joking with some of the other girls, hoping to help them “feel better”. The reaction I got was remarkable. The dirty looks, the exasperated sighs, and one of the more assertive girls angrily said to me, “God Jen, don’t you even CARE that we lost? You obviously didn’t have your heart in the game.”
That’s when I learned that I had to be unhappy to show I cared. Actually, I decided I COULD be happy and still care, but that it just wasn’t a good idea to let others see my happiness in the face of what some saw as a traumatic and difficult situation. If I wanted others to view me as a sensitive and caring person, I would have to hide my happiness.
next: 8 Ways To Happiness
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