“Who are you when no one else is around?”

This page is filled with questions. I’ve divided the questions into the following categories: Social, Emotional, Significant Relationship, Spiritual/Ethical, Financial, Career, Personal, and Personal Definitions. They’re worded in a way to help you get a clearer picture of who you are. Clarity is the goal here, but remember, have fun with the questions. This isn’t intended to be a struggle! Make sure to read tips on answering the questions first.

Social

1. What type of people do I enjoy spending time with?
2. (intelligent, open-minded, out-going, self-righteous, reflective, quiet, funny, a bit sad, optimists, readers, pessimists, thinkers, sports-minded, active, perceptive, debaters, joke-tellers, etc.)
3. Why do I enjoy those specific qualities in people?
4. Do I seek out people similar as I, or different from me? Why is that?
5. Do I have many friends as I just described? Why or why not?
6. How many close friends do I want based on the amount of time I have?
7. What would those close relationships look like? What would be the biggest aspects? (talking, shared activities, working on projects together, laughter, storytelling, playing games, etc.)
8. What are two of the most favorite things I enjoy doing with others?
9. Where have I met most of the friends I currently have?
   (family, work, community, childhood, online, etc.)
10. What does where I met these friends tell me about myself?
11. Why am I still friends with those people?
12. What is the single biggest attitudinal change I’d like to make when with people? (be more myself, be more out-going, be more honest, initiate more conversations, be more comfortable, be more open, be funnier, interrupt less, initiate more activities, etc.)

Emotional

1. List three situations and/or times when you were the most happy in your life. Specific instances...What elements were present when I felt that way? How was I feeling about myself during those times?
2. What do I fear most in my life right now? Why? What would it mean if that happened?
3. When do I feel the most angry or frustrated? What is it about those situations that I feel that way?
4. What is my definition of love? (not Webster’s)
5. What are my primary beliefs about love? (it’s easy, scary, short-lived, feels good, not possible, difficult, etc.) Where/when did I acquire those beliefs? Do I still believe them? Why or why not?
6. Do I have much control over my emotions? Why or why not?
7. What emotions do I want to feel most of the time?

Significant Relationship

1. What specific characteristics do I want my ideal life partner to possess? (generosity, open-mindedness, funny, gentle, strong personality, quiet, organized, similar beliefs about politics, finances, parenting, etc, fun, honest, similar goals, attractive, playful, out-going, etc.)
2. Why do I want them to have those characteristics?
3. How would I feel if I never had a life partner? Why would I feel that way?

If currently in a marriage/life partnership/relationship

1. Am I happy in my current relationship? Why or why not?
2. What is the biggest problem I see in the relationship?
3. In what way would I like my partner to change? Why is that important to me?
4. Could I be happy if that person did not change? Why or why not?
5. What did I appreciate about this person when I first met/knew them?
6. What do I appreciate about them now?
7. Why are those qualities important to me?
8. What is the single biggest attitudinal change I could make that would enhance this relationship?