Q: Well, isn’t that true though? Why would I change
something if I was happy or accepted that part of myself?

A: Just because you are loving, accepting and happy with that part of yourself, does not mean you stop WANTING. Wanting is a much more powerful tool to use than say, using guilt to get yourself to change. You can be perfectly happy with yourself, I mean really feeling great about who you are, and still want things, experiences, qualities, etc.

Q: Yeah but if I want to be different, I’m not going to be happy until I change.

A: Again, I think that’s simply using unhappiness as a motivation and it's not necessary. We use our unhappiness combined with our wanting, believing it will make our wanting more powerful or stronger. It actually weakens our ability to achieve. We don’t have to make ourselves miserable until we get what we want. We CAN be happy in the pursuit of what we want, and it doesn’t lessen our motivation one bit. I know this because I've done both, and being happy while pursuing what you want is sooooo much more powerful, you just wouldn't believe it! When you feel good you have lots of energy. Feeling bad depletes and saps your energy.

I've found that if our desires are coming from inside ourselves, and not from exterior elements (parents, friends, spouses, etc.), that you don’t need unhappiness to make your desire bigger or more important. Its simply a natural process of moving towards what you want. You don’t have to “get” yourself to watch TV, or enjoy close friends, or play. You naturally move towards those things. Its only those things we think we “should want” that we use unhappiness to get. The wants that come from happiness are easy to pursue.

Q: What do you mean by inside me or from exterior elements?

A: There are times we want to do certain things because we believe they will please someone else, or we’ll be more accepted if we do them, or we’ve been told we “should” want this, or that it’s the “right” thing to do. If you take on those outside influences, you’re wanting is not coming from inside you. Outside circumstances and or people are influencing what you say you want.

One way to find out what you really want verses the "shoulds" is to have an Option Method dialogue on it. I know I have been truly amazed by what I have come to learn about myself, my motivations, and my desires.

next: Recreate Yourself and Your Life