Dialogue With God On Money

Written by Jennifer

I started keeping a journal in the spring of 1995. By the summer of 1997 I was recording my thoughts and feelings on the different events in my life almost every day. At one point in my journal I began having a dialogue with God.

"Is it okay to make a lot of money?"

I would state something about my life and how I felt about it and then questions, with a very different tone than my own, started coming into my mind. I would write down the questions and try to answer them.

In my journals, God asks lots of questions, questions that forced me to go deeper into my own judgments, attitudes, fears, beliefs and assumptions. These dialogues have helped me dig down to the beliefs that sponsor my thoughts and behaviors.

Through these many dialogues I've been able to tap into the core beliefs that cause my pain and unwanted behaviors. When I see the belief, I'm then free to change my mind about it. This greater awareness of my sponsoring thoughts has allowed me to change and create who I want to be with ease.

Unfortunately, what I can't convey in the printed word is the attitude and tone behind these questions. You can not hear the love, the acceptance and innocent curiosity behind the questions themselves. I hear it and it's probably the main reason I can easily address the questions without becoming defensive or feeling interrogated.

Most of the questions I've been asked by the people in my life in regards to personal issues have not sounded like questions at all, but more like judgments. Questions like, "you sure you should do that?" and "why in the world do you feel that way?" have sounded like accusations to which I become defensive. I have never felt this way with God's questions.

God's questions are so different. The attitude behind the questions is very distinctive. That's probably the hardest thing to articulate. She's so loving, accepting, non-judgmental AND non-directive with her questions. I get the definite impression I'm not being led to some preconceived conclusion but that the answers could end up anywhere. Perhaps the best way to explain it is by giving an example.

[What's bothering you Jennifer?]

I don't think I'll ever be able to make a great living doing what I want.

[What do you want to do?]

I love art. I love designing. I love personal and spiritual growth work. Through my mandala experience I've found a way to combine these passions but I'm never going to make much money at it.

[Why do you believe that?]

Because no one ever makes much money in these types of human service endeavors.

[What do you mean?]

I mean the world doesn't value the work enough to pay much money for it.

[Do you believe that?]

Yes. The only people who make the big bucks are the ones who own their own business or are in sales. No one in human services like personal or spiritual growth work is rich.

[Why do you believe that?]

I guess cause I don't know of many who have done it. Well, there are a few people. Anthony Robbins, and probably quite a few others who have done well. And there's my friend Kaitryn who's doing well giving workshops and such. So I guess it's possible to make a decent living doing this type of work.

[Do you think it's possible for you to make a decent living doing the work you love?]

Maybe, but I don't think I could handle what some people would think of me. They'd question my motives.

[What do you mean?]

I mean the minute someone writes a great personal growth book and starts making money from it, everyone attacks them by saying "oh, she's only in it for the money or to sell books." I don't want people to think that about me!