Relationship 'Slump Busters' - Put Your Private and Personal Feelings on Paper

Written by Larry James

Write! "Right!" - Journal. Put your private and personal feelings on paper. It is important to get your thoughts out of your head and make them tangible by putting them in writing. Often the thoughts you have about your relationship are disconnected from the real issue. Your mind skips from one thought to the next so rapidly you have no time to focus on thinking about what really matters. When you cansee your thoughts on paper it helps you to more effectively deal with the situation. Read, For Your Eyes Only for a more in depth look at journaling.

Time-out - Make time to think about your relationship, your partner and the progress you are making. Thinking can stimulate your mind to action. Listen to your heart. It always tells the truth. It is far better to concentrate on the good than to dwell on the hurts of the past. Listening is the foundation for concentration. In yourtime-out look for the truth about the direction you need to take.

When difficulties arise, be a relationship tweaker. Don't wait. Do something, preferably with your partner, that will quickly get your relationship back on track.

Remember, there is always more than one way to do anything. There is no "one way." There are only many ways to reach your relationship goals. You have but to be open to them. Together, choose a solution that you can both support and fine-tune it. Instead of living with old memories, create some new ones. . . together. Think openly, with no boundaries or rules and watch the creative juices flow and the ideas come forth.

Also be aware that ideas are a dime a dozen, however the people who put them into action are priceless. Studies have shown that as an activity becomes more difficult, the brain becomes more active. Take time to ponder the number of choices that are available.

Mission Possible - Keep the faith. When you decide to recommit to your relationship, you open your relationship to infinite possibilities. Harbor high hopes. Anything is possible when you really believe it and take the appropriate action to achieve it.

Back to the Future - Remember the good times. To stay motivated during the tough times, take some time to go back in your memory to when you were first together. What was it that first attracted you to your partner? Take a moment and look to see those qualities now. Banish negative thoughts about them. Take care to notice the things you admire about your partner, no matter how small and next, tell them. The more you focus on the good, the more good you will see.

No Excuses! - If you truly have a desire to have your relationship work, you cannot allow yourself to offer excuses. No excuses! There are only results or reasons why. The reasons why are the excuses we come up with to avoid taking responsibility for our relationship and to avoid doing something we may be afraid to do and know must be done.

Holy! Holy! Holy! - You must never forget the importance of the spiritual side of your relationship. Marriage is sacred. So are the vows you make. Making a relationship work should not be totally dependent upon what you or your partner do or do not do. God, a Higher Power - or whatever you choose to call what you believe in - can only inspire you to make the right choices. He alone cannot do it for you. You and your partner must do the work.

Listen for God's soft whisper. He speaks to you in the stillness of daybreak and in the midst of conflict. Are you listening? I highly recommend the following list of priorities: God, you, your relationship and your work - in that order!

Give Up Whine - In relationships there is no fine whine. Get a grip. Whining does not work. Neither does dissing, ranting and raving. Especially if it always about the same old thing. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. Do you want to get closer to the one you love? Practice the "three Cs." Don't criticize, condemn or complain. Constantly complaining is a form of whining. It is also often called "nagging." Quiet, please. Instead, catch your partner doing something right and shower them with praise and adoration.

Stay With It - Work the program. Make it a lifetime commitment. Never stop. We often get so wrapped up in our everyday experiences that we forget that our relationship comes first. It does, you know. Make it a habit to work together on your relationship. When you become discouraged, seek out someone in your support system, perhaps a friend whom you know will be your encourager. To paraphrase Vincent Van Gogh, "When you hear a voice within you saying, 'You're not going to make it,' than by all means continue making better choices and that voice will be silenced."

Stick with it and your partner will stick with you. Positive repetition builds your relationship reputation. Become known to your partner as someone who is consistent with their best efforts; someone with commitment, perseverance and dedication to serving the relationship.

Preventative Maintenance - Don't allow your relationship to crash and burn. Perhaps there should be "black boxes" in relationships. That way when a major relationship crash occurs you would be able to analyze more correctly what caused the problem. Forensic experts know that in analyzing black boxes, any deviation in any sequence of events would have prevented the crash. That's good to know.

Adjustments in your own position about your relationship can and will make a BIG difference. Giving up being "right" about YOUR position is a great first step. You'll be amazed! Make this commitment and it will transform the "rumbles" in your relationship to "ripples" almost immediately! Ask yourself, "Would I rather be right or happy?"

Relationships are something that must be worked on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.

Agree as partners to keep your relationship in a constant state of repair by continually working on it. This is a good way to prevent future issues from occurring. Sustain your relationship by periodic visits to those best in a position to help you. Got a relationship problem you cannot solve? Relationship coaching is a wise choice.

My friend, Dr. Michael LeBoeuf, says "A mistake only proves someone stopped talking long enough to do something." People in relationships make mistakes. The key is to learn from your mistakes and push forward. Never stay hooked to the past. The past is an energy drain. Focus on what you want, not on what you don't want.Practice constructive doing. You make fewer mistakes that way.

The miracle of error is the access to opportunity it presents. Problems validate what you are committed to. They get in the way of your commitments, therefore they validate what you are committed to. If this were not true, we couldn't call them problems. Accept responsibility for your problems. If you don't,you are the problem.